A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I have a question. Men are easy to meet on dating sites. Been out with some and met a few at store bar etc. I'm told and shown the same thing. I'm so sweet all say then disappear. My good guy friend says I'm a good catch for long term but the men I'm meeting always want sex soon after we meet. I had s guy tell me to my face that I'm amazing and he hopes I get swept off my feet I deserve it. What? He said I'm wife material not casual dating type what does this mean? I even tried for a one night stand with a guy I met on a hook up site after the meeting he hugged me and said you're not this girl you need a Prince Charming your too sweet for hooking up. Wow I want to date casual not looking for a relationship right now what do I do if I'm just being myself. Makes me feel like I'm not desirable to men. I'm not trying to sleep around but a hookup is ok for now like a fwb thing but it seems guys don't think of me that way. I want to have a little fun nothing extreme but not the nice girl always. What are your opinions?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 Yeah, I also think it's just a line for "not that interested". I picture myself telling this to guys Im not that interested in, when I don't have anything negative about them, I just dont fancy them that way, you know?
Im sure not ALL guys tell you this, just some.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 Pardon my cynicism, but I think these guys were just telling you in a kind way that you weren't their type- they were letting you down easy.
While it may be perfectly true that you come off as sweet, innocent, serious etc., I have a hard time believing that a man looking for casual sex would turn down a willing and eager potential sex partner even if she has your characteristics. After all, if you don't mind a roll in the hay , why should they mind. I am not so sure that perfect strangers would be so protective of your best interests , if they felt there was something " in it " for them. It would also be very presumptuous of them; you are of a mature age enough to know what you want ; if you say that you are just fine with hook ups , who are they to know better than yourself.
So , I guess this simply means they did not feel a spark. Does this make you undesirable or unfeminine ? Of course not . How many times may this have happened to you ? Two, three ? .... I don't think that you have been rejected as partner-in-crime by 50 or 100 men. It was just a coincidence.
Or else , as another respondent says, they do not trust you to keep it simple and NSA and they are afraid that you say " casual " and want " committed ". They may have a point ; we see it on Dear Cupid, many times girls pretend that are fine with " just fun " or " nothing serious " to put a foot inside the door, so to speak, then they start scheming and manouvering to turn casual fun into a relationships- and guys have become wary.
What should you do ? Nothing ! Just keep being yourself !
There are admirers for ANY personality, looks and physique , so statistically you are bound to meet your playmate . It's never a great idea to change ourselves into something different even for love- imagine having to change for a bunch of sexual encounters !
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 Those guys were afraid you would eventually want more than a roll in the hay, which was the sole thing they wanted.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (2 April 2016):
 Sometimes we should all listen to what others are telling us and do it, despite that perhaps we may not want to. I think this is your situation. Don't go for hookups, don't do FWB, don't use tinder for dates... Think outside of the box: interest clubs, church, fashion events, social gatherings, country clubs, double dates, professional networks, different set of friends who have a large friends network...Idk... Look up on the web for ideas where to meet single men who are not looking for a hookup. Be creative, but if you've tried something and it does not work, doing more of it will not change the result.
Nor should you feel despair that you failed to tangle up with bunch of men who had no intent in building a relationship with you. Perhaps they even did you a favor. Look back on that experience as something that you shouldn't do. Often times we discover what we should do by understanding what we should not. I think that should stand out with you and get you motivated to find different ways of meeting a man who will want you for you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 April 2016):
 I actually tried that too, and I was deemed to sweet to be the casual dating type. Men back off so that they don't have to deal with the guilt of leading you on, even if you had said you were not looking for anything serious. It can be your looks, your mannerisms and the vulnerable vibe you give off. Maybe try putting on sexy outfit to show on your profile. It's not that you are not desirable. It would much rather be the girl that men cherish, not the girl that men just pump and dump. You said the men you meet always want sex soon after you meet. So what's the problem? You want them to take it slow then suddenly decide you are this vixen who's irresistible?
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