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He said if I don't go to his wedding I won't be welcome to visit his auntie and uncle anymore!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 June 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 June 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My Muslim boyfriend who i was with for 4 years his family have got him married off to a cousin of a cousin. I knew it was on the cards as the auntie and uncle went to meet the family last Feb 2013, however i was still heartbroken as the auntie said in November 2013 to her sister as her sister ask what was happening to my boyfriend and this girl. taking into consideration I was present at the time when they were discussing how hurtful, and the auntie said she decided not to go ahead with it, why lie !!!. About two months ago my boyfriend left there house and moved above the restaurant where he works and he came around to my house and stayed every Saturday night as he truly loved me but i know now he could never marry me he told me its a mind set. He was completely honest with me and told me everything (I hope). I sent him a text a few weeks ago to basically telling him to stop coming around as its hurting me and not fair on me or his future intender. Then after a week and a bit he back on the phone saying he outside the door so i had no choice but to let him, but why did he want to keep seeing me to the end surely that more hurtful. And then last week he said he could never come around any more as its close to his wedding. he ask me if i would like to go to the wedding yeah right dont think so, how hurtful he also said to me to still go around the house from time to time as it would do me good, as i was very friendly with he auntie and uncle and used to spend every sat around there learning Arabic and take his auntie children to school which i have stopped now the question is why?? as his new wife will be living there too. He said if i dont they will not let you come around any more. Is it because he got a guilty mind or is it because he wants to see my face still and to see what im up to they only live a short distance from me ???

View related questions: cousin, heartbroken, muslim, text, wedding

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014):

I am a Muslim in the UK and none of my married friends are with men who want polygamy. None of them. They are all kind, gentle and respectful people and the way you are being treated by this horrible, nasty man and his even nastier family is a disgrace. Many Muslim men I know have Christian wives, you are allowed to marry someone who is a Christian, so don't let him tell you otherwise.

It sounds very much to me as if these people do not practice what they preach, I know the type, they fall back on their beliefs the minute it suits them to do so but treating other people like dirt is not part of Islam. Have nothing more to do with this man who has no right to call himself a good person, nor his family. How nasty!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014):

Do yourself a favor and have nothing more to do with any of them. Why continue to hurt yourself. That would be horrible to sit and watch the man you spent four years of your life with marry someone else. If he comes to your door, don't answer it. Focus on yourself, start dating other men, put him in the past where he belongs. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014):

Thank you all for your replies, im not still learning Arabic and i certainly am not converting. And since reading all what's been going on at the moment in the world, its best if i keep well away. And i am keeping myself preoccupied which is good.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014):

Islam allows polygamy so it is normal for him to flirt with you behind his wife-to-be and even encourage you to visit his uncle and aunt and by extension his wife-to-be. The question is : Are you ready to be his second wife and is he prepared to marry you? Look before you leap! Visiting his people will prevent you from forming another relationship. Use your head.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (2 June 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIt's perfectly clear, to me, what he's up to. He wants to continue using you for sex. After all, in the Muslim world, women are nothing by chattel (men own and control them).... so what's to stop him from marrying his intended and, then, to continue to take advantage of your not figuring you that you should send him on his way....

Good luck...

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A female reader, Fari United Kingdom +, writes (2 June 2014):

Fari agony auntHey girl,

You know what I think? I think you need to let it all go. You guys were together for a long time and hearing your love being married off to another woman is gonna hurt like hell. So I think you need to cut him off! Its not gonna be easy because its obvious u both still have feelings for one another but it would help with the pain. So no more visits to his ppl, or maybe jus like once a week. You would still be nice and polite and greet them on the road though. Don't let him come back to your home because he is gonna be married now and it wouldn't look good or feel good. Try to preoccupy urself with hobbies, take up some course, go movies, meet friends ...it would help. Maybe when the hurt and feelings have past, you would be able to meet his wife and you both could be friends.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014):

If you carry this on you will be a fool ,you make a good nanny and you learn the language, are you converting/converted to muslim , is this a part of keeping you connected an unfinished conversion.

Why put yourself through this, the relationship is over and should be finished. Either toughen up and cut all ties so that you can move on and find a man who is free, or carry on in fantasy land where you can never be together.

It is not romantic to live like this (he loves me really although his hand is forced to another)it is ridiculous.

You learn the language you should have learnt what was ahead.

live a free life

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