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He said he needs some time, but I think he wants to break up

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 November 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *annapaola writes:

I'm 19 my boyfriend is 34.. he recently asked me for sometime off the relationship. I feel really confused he says he needs time because he is sick and he needs time with his children and I understand but I don't understand why is he is saying that if we only saw each other once a week its not like I take a lot of his time. I also don't understand how come he says he's always sick but still goes out to parties he says its because he needs to take his mind off things. He's also always busy to talk on the phone with me or to respond my text messages, however he does picks up the phone all the time when I'm with him and stays on the phone for maybe 10 mins when he can't be on the phone with me for more than 2 mins. All of this is hurting me so bad, I know I'm not the perfect girlfriend but I love him. He said he needs time apart from me with no phone calls and no text msgs and no seeing each other. Idk why but I have this feeling he haven't been feeling the same way about me for days, he would just not call or even answer my calls and everytime I called him he was busy and if I didn't call then he would get mad. I have this weird feeling that he told me he needs time off but he really meant that he wanted to break up and I don't want to get my hopes up thinking we gonna get together when we are probably not and that just breaks my heart when I think about it. Please someone help I feel so sad and confused and angry at the same time.

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A female reader, dannapaola United States +, writes (12 November 2010):

dannapaola is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No he is not married but he does have 3 children. I think your def. Right I should move on. But I just hate the fact he said he needs time off when he could of perfectly said I want to break up. I know its gonna hurt me if he does but I rather have him say that than have him say he needs time off and then just let me there wondering what went wrong.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

I am sorry for what is happening, it must be very upsetting for you. I agree with you that it doesn't sound good, and after reading everything you have said, I suspect he is wanting a break from the relationship due to lack of interest, and not because he is sick or busy or whatever else he may say.

Do you think it would help if you asked him outright why he wants a break? If he says it's because he is sick and busy, tell him you are not sure that is the truth, and you would like to know if he is losing interest in the relationship. Make it clear that you would like an honest answer, and that you can take the truth from him. And then see what he has to say.

Or another suggestion is to try and coax him into talking about it, by starting a conversation about the relationship yourself. Maybe if you said something like, "You know, things haven't seemed too great between us for a while, maybe a break is for the best...or maybe it just isn't going to work at all. What do you think?" I think his reaction might tell you how he feels. He might be shocked at how forthright you are, and it might encourage him to be truthful and open too. Maybe he might then open up to how he is feeling about the relationship, and state his intentions more clearly. If he agrees with what you say...I think you may have your answer, and his excuse of "a break" suggests that he really wants out of the relationship.

But you never know, he might be shocked at how you feel, and reassure you that it is just a break he is wanting. Either way, I think you deserve to know where you stand here. And that will only happen if he is straight with you. I hope something here helps.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (12 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntIs your boyfriend by any chance, married??

You don't just "take time off" in a relationship! It's not a job for pete's sake. Sounds more like a break up to me with an excuse that he's ill. If he's really sick then he shouldn't be around his children in the fear of getting them sick. To add he's still going out to parties. The duration of your calls are 2 minutes, for everyone else it's 10 minutes+..sounds like you're not as important. Basically, he broke up with you, but is passing it off like he's going to come back. Don't get your hopes up on that. You may love him but does he really love you? Think about that one. Treat this "taking time off", break as a break up and move on with your life. This 34 year old has made it clear he doesn't want you a part of his. There are much, much better guys out there for you're only 19 just getting your feet wet in the world full of men.

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