A
female
age
30-35,
*ver..worried.
writes:I asked a question awhile ago and the answers I got were not the ones I was looking for, so I am going to add more detail and ask the question a little different. I have known my boyfriend for 2 years, We have been dating now for 7 months. His only other relationship was when he was in grade 7. And it lasted 2 weeks cause he didn't have any real connection with her. He was now liked me for 1 year, I have talked to friends that we both know and have known him for a long time, I have seen it and so do they, that he is super happy to be around me. The problem is that for some reason he believes that he has to have sex with some in order to be in love with some one. He has said something about he needs to know that someone is committed. I know how bad it sounds but we have had sex cause I wanted to ( NOT CAUSE I WANTED HIM TO LOVE ME I am not ready to love him either) But I still don't understand why he feels that he needs sex to feel commitment, Do any other people feel this way? He is a very insecure, especially about his weight. He is over average. Trust me though he is not using me for sex,
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): What do you mean? So you have had sex? How does he feel about you now then, is he completely and utterly in love with you now because he's got intimate with you? Obviously not, as you wouldn't be asking the same question.
I'm still sticking to my original answer. It just doesn't make sense. Sex does not 'create' love. We all know it's called love making, but it's a saying - It just doesn't work like that I'm afraid. If you love someone, you will love them for the person they are. Love who they are/all the things they do, the way they look, just everything about them. You don't love them because you've felt their vagina. They can love your body/the sex, but it doesn't make him love you as a person. I'm afraid a lot of boys your age will say the same to you.
You'll learn as you get older not to buy any of that bullshit of men/boys. They will say all kinds of things to get into your pants, basically. 'I can only love you if we have sex' is also one of them. In fact, it's quite a common thing, I've heard it a lot in the past.
He's either just saying it for sex, or he has no idea what he's talking about.
A
male
reader, model101_t800  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 At his age sex is the first thing that will attract him.
You do not need to have sex to feel committed to someone or love someone. Sex comes after you have committed to someone.
At your and his age the hormone are running wild and you both are at your peak of sexuality. It is not uncommon to want sex from your partner. Dont blame the person, blame the hormones.
Sex with him will not make his commitment stronger. He needs to be committed without expecting that. Ofcourse, you can surprise him with great sex once he is committed.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (31 July 2010):
 Well, darling, I still don't buy his story. And you're not likely to find a lot of sensible men claiming the same as he does.
However, if you want to have sex with someone on your terms, that's your choice. It's not likely to make him fall in love with you, trust me. If he does fall in love with you, it would be for who you are and have little to do with whether you removed your pants in his presence.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 All 16/17 year old boys want sex and will say whatever they think will achieve that objective. It isn't their fault. It doesn't mean they are bad it is just what they are designed to do.
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