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He said he liked me and was going to ask me out but then asked out another girl instead!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 October 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2014)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

So I have been talking to this guy, and he was honest about liking me and this other girl, he told me I was the one he chose and how it was going to be me, and then he asks out the other girl and I really started to fall for him and his been my Bestfriend since forever and I don't know weather to keep being friends because I put my heart on the line and got played by the one person who I trusted with my life. he tells me everything he said was true he just heard somthing about me the night he was going to ask me out

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (21 October 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt You Wish just stole the words from my mouth. Particularly for the " best frend " bit. Ah yes, what a good friend. He hears a rumour about you, ...and he believes it on principle. Somebody said it... so it must be true. He did not even bother to come to you and tell you, I have heard this and that , and find out your version. Plus, he must be a pretty judgemental guy- at 13-15 this rumour can't be about anything really terrible, ... so, he liked you, he promised you etc... a little gossip and it is enough to make him un-like you and un- promise you.

What an idiot.

But probably it's bullshit anyway. The truth is that at his age ( and yours ) guys are fickle, act on impulses and hormonal whims, and all their oaths and promises are of relative value. He just did not want to look like the bad guy in your eyes- or the dummy he probably is.

Hold back with the drama, though, if you can :). He was my best friend... I was falling for him.. I put my heart on the line... Eh big words. What happened, is that you are disappointed and that's normal, but you haven't even gone on a date with him, you really know nothing about him at least in his role of boyfriend, - that's not love yet, nor a broken heart.

That's a crush which is born misshapen, it will sting for a bit, and it will pass. Particularly if you focus on another good point brought up by You Wish. The guy was uncertain between you two girls . Well, ok, at least he was honest and said it- but, why did you have to accept to be put in competition against another girl ?.. The guy is acting as if he is in a restaurant, shall I have chicken or shall I have beef ?.... You can refuse to be on the menu. You can wait for a guy who is sure who likes you, just you, only you , and there's nothing to compare . If he had these doubts initially- it was going to go wrong anyway. Probably he would have dated you- and then cheated on you with her. Just to taste both dishes.

As for staying friends, like I said I do not think he proved himself to be a real friend, but I would advise you against it regardless. Not to punish him for having chosen the other girl, of course- but because you are still crushing on him, you still have romantic feelings, so this is the opposite of a honest, platonic friendship, you would FAKE being a friend while pining for him.. and you'd never move on. Go instead NC for a while, and then, when your feelings have changed and the crush is gone, maybe you can rekindle the friendship. But by then, probably you will have realized that he is not worth your time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014):

Don't settle for a guy who keeps his options open for a couple of girls at a time!! You are worth more than that!

He sounds like a typical immature boy. He was probably telling the other girl exactly the same things he told you and then realised he can't have both so he just opted for her - perhaps he didn't even hear anything about you, he might've made that up as an excuse.

Boys can be assholes, and in general you will encounter lots of people who are just plain stupid, annoying, nasty.... Perhaps people did talk behind your back, perhaps they didn't. Just learn from this that not everyone is your friend, so don't tell people things that are too personal and never believe a boys words, it's his actions that say more than words ever will. If you really are someone's best friend, they're going to stick up for if someone bad mouths you - not believe it and leave you for someone else.

You shouldn't want someone in your life that can be so fickle, your friends are the people who would stick up for you and be there for you. Also remember, the boys you meet now aren't going to be your future husband. So don't give them too much of yourself, hang out and have fun but don't rush into relationships - it gets better as you get older because you meet more people and know yourself better too.

Advice I would give my future daughters or sons is don't do anything for, or with, a bf or gf that you wouldn't be able to look your future partner in the eye and admit to - as things often come out in the end.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (21 October 2014):

YouWish agony auntHmm, it doesn't sound like he's been your "best friend" forever if he lets gossip and innuendo override what he knows about you. I'm guessing he heard it from the girl he eventually asked out, which is stupid.

You're young. And, you have 10 times the opportunity to find a partner as he does, so I'd just tell him "Any guy who would listen to slander about a friend of his neither deserves me nor is worth my time." And you - don't trust anyone with your life or anything else. As you just learned the hard way - people talk behind your back, and the idiots in the world listen to them.

Another thing - you do NOT want a guy who chooses his girlfriends like he chooses a pair of socks. You want someone who has feelings for you in such a way that he thinks about you a lot, is nervous about asking you out, and when he does have you, he feels invincible. Trust me - you can UN-fall for this stupid boy almost as easily as you fell for him. He's useless anyways...I feel sorry for the other girl he ended up asking out.

Talk to your friends quietly though. I'm guessing within 6 months, this guy will be history and you'll be madly in love with someone better.

By the way, did you ASK this guy what he heard, or was he cagey? If he wouldn't tell you, then I wonder if he was lying and this other girl just threw herself at him. Never lower yourself to begging or grovelling for a date or trying to "convince" a guy to choose you over someone else. Consider that...and this guy....as beneath you.

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