A
female
age
41-50,
*oubledecker
writes:I have a question concerning my ex. We broke up 15 yrs ago. He was always my 'one that got away'. We got back in contact accidentally in december. We emailed back and forth, and he began to turn it sexual. Only subtly, nothing heavy. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet. Nothing sexual happened, we were just talking and joking around. I knew there and then I should of left it alone. He started to pull away, texting went from daily to weekly, to fortnightly. No biggie I thought, he's changed his mind. Chalk it up to a bad experience and move on. He's been in and out of my life since then. I have made it very clear that I'm into him more than I should be. He has told me that he can't stop thinking about me, and that he cares. But in the next breath, its just sex. And there lies my problem. We haven't had sex. He can kiss me, touch me, hold my hand, cuddle me, everything up to sex, but I think he's scared to take it further. The last time I went to his house, we were chatting, and he blurts out the fact that I make him so nervous. He blushes, is fidgity, he's even told me that he gets so nervous his palms sweat. I'm a bit full on I suppose, but if he tells me its just sex, why can't we get it on? I've never had to deal with this before, especially when its just supposed to be physical! Can anyone help?
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broke up, exchanged numbers, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): Soz to hear he,s playing games with u.what u need to do is find a proper man who will love u no matter what.and give u everything your heart desires.including a proper sexual relationship.this so called ex man has problems and he knows he can have u at his beck and call.don,t let your heart rule your head like i did.i got away from my ex and so should u.theres plenty of men out there what will treat u right.so good luck darling!
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I know. Unfortunately, I don't have any great answers for this one. I honestly think some of these guys do want a full relationship with both friendship and sex, but only when it is convenient for them. That is the way I always felt with my guy after he came and initiated contact with me. Sometimes it was convenient everyday and other times it wasn't convenient for a solid week or two. Or, maybe he is intimidated by you and the life you have. Maybe you could talk with him about that comment he made about you making him nervous. There may be something more behind that as to why he gets close and then disappears for awhile. All I know is that when guys do that, it is very unsettling for a woman.
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A
female
reader, doubledecker +, writes (18 June 2012):
doubledecker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses ladies. I would just like to clarify, and maybe explain thinga a little better. He knows that I'm into him, no more than that. I haven't explained my tru feelings for him. Ever. He is the one that initiates contact, he is the one that instigated the whole situation from the beginning. He sends me texts about how he's gonna do this, that and the other to me, and then can't back up his claims. And other times he sends me texts just wanting to say hi. When we are Together we joke laugh, mess around, playfight etc. He looks at me in a way that isn't just isn't sexual. To me, a sex only relationship isn't just texting to say hi, what you up to. It isn't insisting that I stay after we fool around to have coffee and a chat, and I end up staying for hrs just talking. I think there is something there for him too, perhaps I am completely wrong here. I just don't understand why he is running from me? Sex only means your ripping at eachothers clothes as soon as you get near one another? That's been the case in other sex only relationships that I have had.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Maybe he knows that for YOU it's not just sex, and if you are so intense and full on before having sex, imagine after !
No way you'd keep it light and breezy and " I'll see you when I see you ". So, he is either being a nice guy, that does not want to have to hurt you by giving you inevitably less than you 'd hope for, ...or he is just a very prudent guy that does not want invite emotional complications in his life and maybe have to shake you loose in future.
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A
female
reader, Pretty and proud +, writes (18 June 2012):
 The one that got away...
I have one of those...
I think about him all the time...
But hey! You know what they say, the best way to get over someone is get under someone else!
What I'm trying to say is don't pursue it. We are always meant to have someone who got away, we are always meant to listen to songs of lust and think about someone from our past. We are meant to think about that person and doubt feelings for the actual real loves of our lives. If you try and pursue it, you will have tainted memories of how much u love that person. Keep it in the past pet, you will think you'd regret it but you won't
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 June 2012):
Had this exact same experience. I was away from my ex for about a year when he contacted me and said he would like to talk to me again. I got hundreds of emails, texts, phone calls, dates...then all of a sudden...everything stops again. I honestly think your ex and my ex are both nuts. They don't know what they want...or maybe they do know what they want but are afraid of it. I don't know what the deal is with some of these people, but I get tired of playing games. It makes me wonder when relationships became so hard. I always thought either I liked someone or I didn't. Pretty simple, but not for some of these guys! I would simply tell him that this "relationship" you have is too confusing. His hot/cold nature is not something I would want to deal with because that was how my ex was.
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