A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really like my new boyfriend, and hes one of the best kissers i've ever been with, but last night when we were together, he started fingering me really hard and rough. It was much too painful to be enjoyable, and today i'm bruised and swollen down there. It's really tender and sore. I was too emabarassed to say anything, so now he thinks I like it. How can I stop him from doing this again next time?
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female
reader, Kyaserin  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 Yep been there before and it's something that needs to be delt with. If it hurts "that" bad then you can't afford to get any more bruises can you? Thats not too good. Just come pout and try to get him to do it softer, and if he refuses then maybe he isn't considerate enough therefore not caring about your feelings. Sure hope this helped =/
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): what you should do is if you really like him just let him know because if you dont he going to believe and think that ou like it and enjoy it so just tell him hey you know slow down i am a little senstive down there. i know what u mean i had sex with one of my ex and when we finish it hurted but as we were doing it i felt good but just tell he shouldn't mind if u like him and he likes you. also you can wiait till you guys do that again and just like tell him then guys are a little understanding while there in the middle of having sex because they want it as bad as you do so he will understand. so0 yea that should work if it doesnt then that means he really doesnt care how you feel or your noy saying firmly so he can understand it..i hope i help you hope u do the same..
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (24 October 2008):
i have been in your posistion before and i know it is not good.
some guys think that because they enjoy being touched a little roughly, we like it.
the best thing for you to do without shattering his male ego is to place your hand on his and almost guide it to where you want to be touched and how you want to be touched, such as ease his hand off you if he is being too rough. or get him to put his hand ontop of your hand while you touch yourself, this way he can see how you like to be touched.
whatever you do don't let him carry on and put up with it, you should enjoy it as much as he does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Dear poster
I am sorry that you have endured pain and hurt instead of joy and pleasure. You have received great advice from "qcumbr 1" and like Big Sis, I agree you should pay attention to what he said.
I want to add that having sexual activities with somebody should be pleasure and enjoyable, not painful; the minute you experience any form of discomfort or pain you MUST stop your partner and ask him to refrain from what ever he was doing that was causing you the pain or discomfort.
Maybe you can talk to him in a very nice manner and explain to him that you are getting hurt; he should respect that; IF NOT, you need to think carefully about the relationship; if he loves you and respects you he will adhere to your request.
Please pay attention to your body and the signals it is giving you; do not endure pain to please others.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (24 October 2008):
 I agree 100% with Q too....listen to him, and remember exactly what he's just told you.
I know how that hurts and it's not nice at all. So nip it in the bud now and be honest with him. He probably didn't even realise he was being so rough, he needs to know.
You take care of yourself now.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, for_a_reason +, writes (24 October 2008):
 This is quite simple, if you want him to be a bit more gentle then you have to tell him - you won't get what you want in and out of bed unless you ask for it.
Just because he's a good kisser doesn't mean he's experienced down there - especially with womanly bits and pieces! Boys need to be shown that although rough and fast is the approach they take towards their own bits, it just doesn't work quite the same way for girls!
Grab his hand whilst he's doing it and guide it yourself, force him to slow down and show him how you want to be touched. Masturbate in front of him and demonstrate how you like to be touched and what you find specifically pleasurable. That'd be a good way to tackle this if you're too scared to tell him up front.
He'll soon get the message and learn what to do - especially if it's clearly obvious that you're enjoying it. ;)
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 October 2008):
 The last noter gave some great advice. You don't want to get into patterns of letting him do something to you that hurts you. However, I totally understand your embarassment about talking to him about it, especially given that you're approaching him about something he does bad sexually therefore risking damaging his ego in a major way. I used to go out with a guy who was a little bit rough down there, not too much but it wasn't enjoyable to me and I just told him that he turned me on so much down there that I was super sensitive and preferred it when he touched me a bit more lightly. It worked a treat and I started to really enjoy it!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 October 2008):
The last noter gave some great advice. You don't want to get into patterns of letting him do something to you that hurts you. However, I totally understand your embarassment about talking to him about it, especially given that you're approaching him about something he does bad sexually therefore risking damaging his ego in a major way. I used to go out with a guy who was a little bit rough down there, not too much but it wasn't enjoyable to me and I just told him that he turned me on so much down there that I was super sensitive and preferred it when he touched me a bit more lightly. I
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