A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years has made it clear he doesn't like it when I don't answer his calls or text back right away. However, he has previously gone out drinking all night and failed to tell me and I'm left wondering when he goes MIA for hours. Last time, I read him the riot act and let him know I can't handle the disappearing act. He swore not to do it again.Fast forward to tonight. I called him at 9 - he wasSleeping. I said I'd call him back in a half hour. I waited an hourAnd now his phone is off. Hasn't been on FB either. It's bee 2 hours. Is this normal behavior from a man in his 40s who claims to want toMake it work with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): It seems like he has a different standard for himself which you need to point out if you haven't already. Sit down and have a talk about what you expect of each other. If he is sleeping when you call it is understandable not to return the call. In a long term, serious relationship I would most likely be checking in every day with my partner. There is nothing wrong with that, but everyone is different and some people really do lead almost completely separate lives. Imo, if your life is so separate that you don't care whether the person is alright or feel you're not allowed to contact them then it's not much of a relationship and why bother at all. By the same token, you don't need to know every second of the day where he/she is, it should be a mutual thing to want to communicate with each other and to spend time with each on a regular basis and to know that you can rely on them, otherwise you have no real relationship, and maybe just a friend who you see from time to time and hook up with.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 November 2014):
 Doesn't sound like you two live together if he's sleeping when you're calling him.
Maybe I may have a more old-school view on things, but to me, a "disappearing act" is days, not hours. I don't get mad if the guy I'm with takes a night off or two. I know that when he recovers from his guy party, he'll call, even if it's a day later when the hangover wears off.
I would go crazy knowing I was on a leash to my phone with a partner demanding that I not let 2 hours go by without a "check-in" phone call. The guy is SLEEPING. You're checking Facebook, phones, and that's really smothery.
Let the guy MISS YOU. Get your own life on a Friday night. Be not as available, and be unaware of the amount of time between phone calls. No more "riot acts". The point is - when he comes to you, it should feel like he's coming home. Let him have his own life as you have yours.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (20 November 2014):
I don't know. Do you live together? If so then I can understand this attitude as a matter of common courtesy. Some people in long term relationships, though, live apart because they want their own lives and value their free time. It doesn't seem right to demand to know someone's whereabouts 24/7 in cases like these. You're his girlfriend, not his mother.
The greater problem is there seems to be trust issues, serious ones, on both sides. What's up with that? Why don't you two trust each other? Without trust relationships are doomed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2014): I dont think the disappearing act is appropriate if he's trying to make it right with you. He should have the comman courtesy to let you know where he is just so you know he is safe. And you do the same. This has happened in the beginning of mine and my boyfriend's relationship. You just have to trust him in knowing that he is where he says he is. And he should do the same for you. Hope this helped..
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