A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for over a year now. he is at uni studying engineering and doesnt know where he wants to work when he graduates, but he knows that he doesnt want to stay in the uk all his life. When he graduates next year, I will still have another 2 years left of uni. when we first started going out he held back alot with me as he was scared of getting hurt agaun (like he did with his ex) and also because he didnt know what was going to happen with his uni - he didnt know where he was going during the summer for a job etc. Recently, he has said that when he gradautes he plans to stay in the uk and most importantly, in scotland, where we live at the moment for 5 years then move away, he said he wants to do this as I am here and also his family. He sid he would only move away for a last resort if he could get no work in his field of study at all in scotland. However, his friend has a summer placement in australia and i have judt seen a message that was sent to my bf giving him the website to apply if he is interested. i am scared by seeing this - as he has promised he wont move away to work but say he will or wants to? I dont want to go out with him for abnother year and get my heartbroken 0- I have told him that i will not have a long distant relationsjop as i have had one already and it hurt too much/ what to do?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 August 2011):
 I have to agree with Person12345.
I know you dont really want to hear it, but the truth in the matter is that a lot of university romances do not last. Especially if there is a year difference and one graduates first. You have to go where the jobs are, and unless he is willing to put his career on hold for you, he may not have any choice but to move away, not necesserily abroad, but to a different area of the country in order to find a job. This is the fact of jobhunting.
If you really love him, then you will want him to achieve his potential and have the best career possible, not waste it all by waiting around for you.
My advice would be to enjoy the relationship in the here and now, do not start panicking about what might happen in a years time.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Two things here. One, just seeing that doesn't mean anything. His friend probably sent it, either as a joke, or just to nudge him a little. Getting an email isn't going to sway him either way.
The other thing though is that I know you don't want to do long distance, but it could actually hurt your relationship a lot if you try to make him put his career on the back burner to wait for you to finish school. He could start to resent you for making him miss opportunities, etc... I'm not trying to be insensitive, I'm in the reverse of the situation, my boyfriend has another year of school but I'm done. The thing is, getting right out and getting started on your career ASAP is REALLY important. Some things truly are worth being long distance for. You can make it work if something truly fantastic comes up for him.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (2 August 2011):
 " i have judt seen a message that was sent to my bf giving him the website to apply if he is interested"
was this message sent to him by the friend who is going to Aus? of course that mate will want your BF to go too so they have got a buddy to travel etc with.
he might NOT be interested and you could be worrying necessarily at the moment. talk to him about this
x
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (2 August 2011):
 First, stop panicking. It was just a link and you have no idea what he's thinking in his head. If he's thinking about leaving, then he will tell you and you can go from there. But until he mentions anything about it, stop panicking and enjoy the time you spend together.
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