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He pressured me for sex, even started undressing me. But disappeared when I revealed my status as a virgin!

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 April 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I went for a few dates with a guy. He was very insitent about sex but everytime I refused him he was ok and still wanted more dates with me. He tried to get me at his place after our very first date and at our second too, but i refused. However we kept on dating. Last week he really pushed it and started undressing me even though I repeated that I am not ok. He said I should just relax cuz he knows what he is doing. I refused him and he did not like it at all. I told him I need more time he was ok again but he told me we been on 4 dates and „how long i want him to wait?” He said he hasnt met a girl like me untill now. Well after I told him clearly NO he simply said: im taking you home. I told him we can talk about it and he said he cant because he is in a hurry. I felt so bad. I wasnt a prude. I kissed him on first date held hands with him, let him touch me but i wasnt ready for this. I am a virgin and told him. he was shocked but still said he is willing to date me, but well...„I should tell him what i wanna do with my body” Yesterday I called him and told him I dont wanna play him around, that i really like him but Im am not ready YET. He said ok, I understand, Bye. Since then no phone calls nor did he answer me. I feel so stupid. I wouldnt have told him about virginity if he wasnt repeting me Im aspecial and he apreciates me and will do anyhting to win my trust. He was covering me in compliments and swearing he is a serious guy who respects me. I feel so sad now. I am 19 by the way. Im confused. He knew I wasnt an easy hookup, why did he waste so much time with me if he was annoyed by my rejections? it was my fault? I didnt wanna play him, I know he has needs, I told him from the very beginning what kind of person I am. and yet he wanted me, which made me feel like he truly likes me

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (20 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntNone off this is your fault repeat NONE OFF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!! Honestly you should be proud off yourself for saying no. He obviously wanted to have sex with you, but honey if he was interested in something more serious he would wait a lot longer than four dates, and he would not try and pressure you in to having sex with him. He did not care about you and your feelings but only his. He tried to make you feel bad for not wanting sex. NO MAN should ever do that. Thankfully he did not take your virginity. Honey you really need to spot when a man is just trying to take you for granted. Even though he comes back from a few more dates, that is just because he wants sex.

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia + , writes (18 April 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntSweetie he and this type of male who pressure girls have no respect, but one intention in mind. All he wanted was to swirl his penis inside you and call it a day. He utterly played you and played you even more because you're not an easy hook-up which is like a challenge to break you!

When someone respects you they stop and understand when you say, NO. They would know that the 4 date rule does not give them the right to "pressure" you for sex. A respectful male does not ask, what you want to do with your body as he did!? However jerks do spin lies by; covering you in compliments swearing they are a serious guy...

All this pressure and sweet BS talk are the words from a complete phony, a player! This is an experience you need to be aware of how some men do behave to fulfill their needs and not yours. Your not a waste disposal unit which is what it boils down to with this type of guy.

Keep your honor, play by your rules and ditch the jerks that compromise your needs.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 April 2017):

To all you lady and gay-male virgins out there, what this guy is doing is simply a ploy. It's a mind-game to bend your will.

Now here's your lesson for the day.

You have to be rejected a few times; so you can build-up your immunity against clever jerks and manipulating ass-h*les. You have to have a well-developed emotional-defense system. Just because you like a guy, you don't go all out to try and keep him; or fall apart because he didn't become your boyfriend.

If a guy persists on having sex, and you have to keep saying NO; you have to make it a rule to back-away and dump the guy. Do it before your feelings get too attached. Even if you have feelings, you have to set boundaries and enforce them for your own safety and protection. Both physically and psychologically.

His relentless persistence is a clear indication he's strictly in it for sex, won't take no for an answer, and he's likely to jet as soon as he gets what he wants. He's assuming a position of power and authority. Only you rule what your mind and body does.

There is no "built-in give-it-up rule" that demands that you've got to have sex after a certain number of dates.

It happens when you want to and feel comfortable enough to do it. Virgin or not!

Every guy who wants sex doesn't want a girlfriend or boyfriend. Establish that in your head as well! Same goes for you straight-guys who attach your feelings to the first female who gives you sex, or seduces you into it.

It's stupid and weak to mindlessly yield to your neediness in spite of your common-sense. That's what fools call following your heart. Not if it leads you to pain and suffering. Self-restraint and self-control preserves your values and protects you from unnecessary trauma; until you can handle a situation. That's called strength aka self-preservation. So give yourself some credit, sweetheart!

He didn't give-up because you're a virgin; he knew for certain if you did have sex; you were likely to attach feelings to it, and he wouldn't be able to just dump you without drama. He was protecting his own ego. He's also inflicting punishment to show you who's boss. "How dare you reject me, bitch!"

Get lost jerk!!! You have no power here!

So learn to detach your feelings from guys who don't show you proper respect. You don't go back and try to undo it; or plea for his acceptance and approval. That's pathetic and beneath you as a woman.

You don't have to justify yourself to these clowns!!! Grow-up and learn not to victimize yourself based on the rejection, refused validation; and/or in-acceptance by other people. Male or female! You must always demand respect and insist on being treated with kindness and patience. Preserve your dignity at all costs!

Losing your virginity is just a normal phase and a part of life. Best done when matured and mentally-prepared. The only real significance in it, is that you were ready for it mentally and physically. It is a rite of passage. It's one among many experiences through the journey of life toward your maturity and growth as a woman or man.

Feel free to fantasize the ideal moment and perfect guy; but be prepared for how it may not compare to a dream, or happen as hoped. Such is the reality of life. Think positive all the same!

Having your virginity intact is not some kind of disability, affliction, or mental-malfunction. Regardless of age!!! Nor is it some symbol of absolute female-purity and perfection!

It might be considered some significant proof of purity in many cultures and religions; but that's antiquated bullsh*t thinking perpetuated by a double-standard in society. Guys don't have to abide by it. They are not stigmatized for losing it as women are.

It's far more important what your mind holds in its treasure of values that which matters more; other than if you lose your hymen. Purity is more of a state of mind than a physical attribute. The hymen has nothing to do with how you think and behave as a person. You can be born without one, or it can break under some form of trauma to your lower pelvic or vaginal region as a child. Then there's no proof you haven't had sex. So what?!!

It's simply a stage in your life that you have not yet included sex as an expression of your emotions or pleasure. You are in your waiting phase, and you can give it up when you feel the moment is right, and you want to bad enough.

So let him ignore you. He's doing you a favor. Fate has decided that you deserve better in this case; and you most certainly do, my dear!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 April 2017):

Honeypie agony auntOP I'm sorry you HAD to go through this AT ALL.

The guy is a DICK a DOUCHY DICK.

He didn't WANT to get to know you and date you, he wanted SEX. And he was willing to disregard you telling him NO.

BLOCK him, sweetie, he is NOT the guy for you. YOU need someone who CAN take it slow and who doesn't tHINK with his penis.

YOU have nothing to apologize for. Being a virgin doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Even if you HADN'T been a virgin but wanted to wait till there was an established relationship - he STILL had no right to EXPECT or DEMAND sex. NONE.

And OP, a month is not exactly a lot of time... So he didn't WASTE any. YOU did.

Here is the thing OP, if a guy on the first or second date PESTER you for sex or cross any line you are NOT ready to cross you NEED to let them go. NOT for their sake but for your own. Because THAT is a guy who isn't being respectful of you AT all.

THIS guy ONLY saw you as a notch on his bedpost. He thought you would be easier to bed than anticipated.

Words ARE cheap. Actions, however, shows a lot more of a person's intent and personality.

You might meet more of these kinds of guys, the ones who EXPECT sex on demand from any girl THEY take out on a date.

LEARN from this OP. Someone who pressure you for sex early on, is NOT a good match for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

btw, we went on only four dates because of the exams we both had, but this...thing lasted for a month.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (18 April 2017):

chigirl agony auntSo much time wasted on you? Ha! He didn't waste much time at all, my dear. He went on 4 dates with you, that is hardly anything, it's like the blink of an eye. And EACH AND EVERY TIME he tried to get you into his bed.

Talk is cheap, he never thought of you as special or respected you. That was all just BS for him to get you into bed. Kudos to you for saying NO. He clearly did NOT respect you or treat you properly. He was bordering on sexual assault actually (I dont know the full circumstances, but if you clearly stated no and he kept on undressing you, then that is sexual assault).

Good riddance! He showed you his true colours early on and you got rid of him. Yes, I know it's hard, because you were hopeful and wanted to believe in his sweet words. But this man was an idiot and you are much much better off without him. He was lying to you all along. So the person you thought you liked, never really excited, if that helps.

Wait with sex until you are in an official and exclusive relationship, and wait at least two weeks or maybe even a month or two. Just let a time line that you are comfortable with, and just repeat that to any guy you meet. This way you will weed out those who are serious from those who are just trying to play you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 April 2017):

N91 agony auntThis guy is an asshole.

You are lucky that you DID tell him you're a Virgin so that he pissed off and left you alone. He is an absolute sex pest and I'm 99.9% sure the second you gave it up you wouldn't hear from him again anyways.

A person that wants to be with you because they truly like you will wait much longer until you're comfortable and WILL NOT get pushy like this guy did. By waiting to have sex you weed out guys like this who only want what's inside your underwear. Sure you feel like it sucks now because you liked him, but he's shown you his true colours and you'll look back on this experience and be glad you never gave him your virginity.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

You dodged a bullet! He expressed nothing but annoyance at having to wait and wanted to have a set in stone timeline! How rude! Sorry but you are now a challenge to him. I would tell him goodbye and that you're done with the pressuring & guilt trips. He doesn't want to date, he wants to screw. He deserves no more calls or texts. Block him. Please.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

Oh sweetie, move on , he was just a chancer hoping you would finally give in .. Be proud that you don't give yourself away ....please move on and dont waste any more time on him ...he is hopeful of you texting him to say you will sleep with him ...dont do it ,find someone nice

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