A
female
age
,
*atty57
writes:i have been with the same man for about nineteen years, and we stop sleeping together for about eight years in the same bed. thats ok with me. its the sex that i am concerned about. he would rather watch porn than to have sex with me. i dont even ask to have sex just to see how long will it take him to ask me. its been four months now. i find myself in my room crying a lot, because i love him so much. i've even had an affair and i did not enjoy it at all for one reason the guy was married and that is a no no for me.i ask my mate what is the problem, is it me ?,am i to old,am i not pretty anymore, or are you gay? he would only say its not you, he have a hard time getting it up. i told him to see a dr. i know he drinks a whole lot , but he still have sex with his self and i know hes getting it up. he is a good man ,he help keep the bill paid, takes out the trash, service our cars and he is a good cook. all of that and no sex.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 September 2008):
 Lets face it, the marriage seems over. You had an affair, you both are okay with sleeping apart and neither of you seems to be willing to put in any effort to work this out.
Love isn't something that just happens and keeps on happening, you got to work at it. Keep the romance alive and in your case, it died out long ago to the point where he is now just a payer of bills and you are his house-keeper.
The marriage really died 8 years ago at least. A couple sleeps together, else you might as well be room-mates with the occasional sex. If the both of you agreed that the comfort of having your own bed outweighed the desire to sleep (and I do mean sleep) together then the love was gone.
Sure, there may be exceptions, if either of you snores extremely or something similar, but you don't mention that.
As for the sex, erection problems happen as men get older and drinking sure as hell don't help. You don't need a fully erect penis for masturbation and neither is there any pressure to keep it up for any longer then the few minutes it takes to masturbate.
But I think the problems between you go futher then just sex. You seem to be just two strangers sharing a house and you have shown with your affair, and he by not seeking out medical help or to stop drinking, that you both are fine with this just don't want to loose the wage-packet/house-keeper.
To be honest, perhaps this is what you got to accept, if both of you aren't willing to turn this around by seeking marriage counceling, then either accept the current arrangement or divorce and risk being alone for the rest of your life.
A
female
reader, epifanatical  +, writes (22 September 2008):
 maybe midlife crisis has hit for him? This is a problem with alot of males.. it has nothing to do with you sweetee.. alcohol sadly is another inhibitor.. my ex boyfriend was the same.. during our final year together he would masturbate in the mornings in the bathroom rather than have sex with me.. i found it very strange.. i mean i loved him, enjoyed our regular sex, but couldnt understand his behaviour.. eventually we decided that he would incorporate masturbating in with our sex life.. and it was exciting.. perhaps you can gently persuade him to do the same?.. that in turn could lead to mutual pleasuring and your sex life would slowly improve.. its worth a try.. as long as you let him know how much you want to be together and have satisfying sex, im sure he would be willing to give it a go.. i wish you all the very best.. in the meantime i would highly recommend a good vibrator ... an affair would only complicate things further for you emotionally.. :)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 September 2008):
 Unfortunately, I think that your story reflects the lives of too many of us these days - brides and grooms, lovers or whatever. In your situation, based on your description, the relationship may have reach a crossroads.
In my opinion, the problem of inattentive males has bloomed over the past twenty years or more, in large part because of the unprecedented growth of access to pornography. Twenty years ago, one had to look a bit harder for naughty images, but today it flows over the Internet and is offered in volume via both mail and e-mail. While I am fully in support of the rights to produce it, do it and see it - I believe that many folks would be better off to avoid becoming too involved or fascinated with such material if it begins to affect their normal relationships.
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