New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224174 questions, 974094 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

He perves at young girls and looks at porn, am I overreacting here?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 January 2009) 17 Answers - (Newest, 14 March 2009)
A female Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I found out that my 32 year old husband looks at porn online. Mostly just pictures of naked women and women with lingerie on. This doesnt bother me too much BUT I recentely discovered he has been looking at young

teens. Now I am only 30 and am good looking so why do I have to now compete with young teens???

Thats what really upset me was the age of them most looked 13-15.(ok most of you will say yeah they are really 18) but the fact is they are made to look 14 and thats what attracts my husband. He had 100's of pics of them on our pc.

So what I want to ask is why do men feel the need to look at such young girls?? I checked the searches and he types in that he is seeking teens...it is making my stomach turn.

When I confronted him he wont tell me why he looks for them so young....but why would he really?????

Is it because they are innocent or virgins????

Now when we go out I watch him and he perves at young girls then too and get quite angry. Am I over reacting?????

View related questions: porn

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

I'm a guy too, 52 years old, married. I do it. Every guy in the world does it, all guys, and I mean ALL guys do it... they just keep it discrete. Divorcing isn't the answer, because women can't fulfull all of mens needs, they don't have a high Testostorone level, which men have, meaning higher libido. Try giving him more pleasure, and he may evade this for the time being. Even if he got all the sex he wanted, he'd still need to jack off once and awhile. I know I do.... but if he gets too serious, well, I don't know, it's your choice.

- John

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Dragonov United States +, writes (8 March 2009):

I'm not married but in a healthy relationship. I thought that I was just oversexed but she never ever has told me "NO" except for the "backdoor". Even though she keeps me drained I still surf for "young looking hotties" and wish that she would join me and do the same. I think men like young girls because they seem more open and willing to try new things. Also they have tighter and more firm bodies and a man likes that feeling! Tightness is the key word here, and women don't want to here this but they would like the same also (BIGGER MAN) its all the same either way you look at it, we all want satisfaction when we have sex, otherwise its like non-friction. Men can make their own hand tighter but it's not that great all alone and after awhile it's boring so they go to the next step and fantasize about this tight feeling and start to remember about their first time which is the teen years.

I would love for my girl to join me while I watch these young hotties and I would also like to get on my knees while she surfed for young studs on the net. I would even be willing to bring home a handsome colledge stud to make her scream for once and embarace us with the neighbors complaning about the noise! It doesn't mean that I don't love her, I do and she does keep me satisfied but sometimes even when I cant move anymore I still think about getting some more and then I think about what if she thinks the same. All is fair in love and war! I even take vitamins to keep up (not into Viagra, I dont need that)!

My suggestion is while he is stroking to the net,GIVE HIM A HAND and then tell him that it's YOUR TURN. If he does this then he's worth keeping, otherwise go for the DIVORCE, because he will cheat on the first oppertunity he gets. Open up with each other now before it's too late!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Dragonov United States +, writes (8 March 2009):

I'm not married but in a healthy relationship. I thought that I was just oversexed but she never ever has told me "NO" except for the "backdoor". Even though she keeps me drained I still surf for "young looking hotties" and wish that she would join me and do the same. I think men like young girls because they seem more open and willing to try new things. Also they have tighter and more firm bodies and a man likes that feeling! Tightness is the key word here, and women don't want to here this but they would like the same also (BIGGER MAN) its all the same either way you look at it, we all want satisfaction when we have sex, otherwise its like non-friction. Men can make their own hand tighter but it's not that great all alone and after awhile it's boring so they go to the next step and fantasize about this tight feeling and start to remember about their first time which is the teen years.

I would love for my girl to join me while I watch these young hotties and I would also like to get on my knees while she surfed for young studs on the net. I would even be willing to bring home a handsome colledge stud to make her scream for once and embarace us with the neighbors complaning about the noise! It doesn't mean that I don't love her, I do and she does keep me satisfied but sometimes even when i cant move anymore I still think about getting some more and then I think about what if she thinks the same. All is fair in love and war! I even take vitamins to keep up (not into Viagra, I dont need that)!

My suggestion is while he is stroking to the net,GIVE HIM A HAND and then tell him that it's YOUR TURN. If he does this then he's worth keeping, otherwise go for the DIVORCE, because he will cheat on the first oppertunity he gets. Open up with each other now before it's too late!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Too Sensitive United States +, writes (29 January 2009):

Well, we women find young hot men attractive - we're human too - but you don't see us disrespectfully staring, or collecting hunderds of photos of them on our desktops. I think most women are better at self-control, and I think women are more sensitive to the feelings of their partners than many men (not all, I see you sensitive men here on this site and elsewhere). There are many men who know how to respect a woman, and how to behave in a relationship. There are also many who don't. They seem to think they're entitled, that it's their right, to do what they do, with no thought as to how it makes us feel.

I would be very concerned about any adult male who finds the need to look at teenagers. I'm talking teenagers not of age. Just b/c the website is allegedly on the up and up and claim the women to be at least 18, doesn't mean they are. If they look 14, they probably are. If they're truly of age, that's just a technicality. He finds the need to look at women who appear to be 14. If he is having fantasies of this sort, I'd be very alarmed myself.

Hell no, you are not overreacting. Have a talk with your husband, and ask him to stop looking at these images of very young girls. Tell him you are concerned about this. Ask him how he would feel if you were looking at images of very young boys and saving them on your desktop. If he refuses to stop...well, I wouldn't continue to tolerate this behavior myself.

And the perving at young girls when you are out is completely disrespectful, insulting, and humiliating to you. If he can't or refuses to stop this behavior as well, then he has issues with self-control, and perhaps others. He definitely wouldn't have enough respect for you or for your marriage if he won't stop. I'd give him an ultimatum and put the fear of God into him. If he values you and your marriage, he will find a way to stop. Unless he has a sexual addiction and can't stop on his own (not saying this is the case, but merely a possibility), in which case he will need professional help.

You may need counseling too, to help you get your self-esteem back on track, and sort through the different emotions that this can cause.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, jla United States +, writes (28 January 2009):

That is the same thing I go through.

My b/f had marked on his favorites: Groped Teens.

What the f#@*k ?

How about: Forced teen sex.

I am 45 and I can not compete with a 13 year old.

I feel so completely ugly and defective.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009):

that is disgusting

i'm 14 years old and i think that's the most atrocious thing

i would divorce him straight away..all guys are like that

even if they don't all perve on young teens, they're always dick heads (yes, the only thing on their minds is their dicks and how to get one in)

i can't even stand porn for that matter i don't know how you can accept it

if he can't feel attracted to you, then you shouldn't have to compromise your feelings just so you can have someone

i'd rather die alone

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009):

I know what your going through. My husband is constantly looking at young girls. We can't go anywhere without him staring. I don't have a problem in him glancing, everyone looks but, he will just stare. I have had some of them come up to me and tell me to tell him to stop staring at them. Even their boyfriends have said something. His best friend has told me he has a problem. He has been out with him and he's even embarrassed him. He has even told my husband to stop it. It really makes me sick. I have confronted him numerous times. I've cried my eyes out telling him how much it hurts me and how it's tearing my heart into pieces. I've asked him to do counseling. He says it doesn't have time for that and he gets real defensive when I have addressed the situation. He says he is not doing what I think he is doing. I'm lost with this. I wish I could give you advise on this. But, I don't know what to do myself. I don't know where to turn. What hurts the most is that I do everything for him even sex whenever he wants it actually I'm the one that wants it more than him. I'm 5'9' blonde fully figured in the right areas. I'm 38 but, everybody thinks I'm in my early 20's. He is 11 years older than me. I'm looking for advise too! What to do? Tina

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

Don't take it personally, men find young beautiful women generally attractive, not something we can really help about as we're so visually stimulated. Again, don't take it personally.

In my personal opinion married people shouldn't look anywhere else at all.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

Thanks for all your honest answers. Im glad Im not over reacting too much, after all its not the porn bothering me, its the age!

In response to you answers, I do dress really well and never go out without makeup and my hair is always done nicely.

Other men are often staring at me and I get their attention and YES my husband notices this and he says it makes him jealous. I say well you are lucky to have me then! I feel sad though that I have to see other men looking at me to feel attractive and cant get that from my own husband.

I guess the answer about him trying to feel young again is the one. Maybe its about him getting older???

He deleted all the pictures he had for me so thats something. I just wanted know WHY they have to look at "young girls" It is making me feel like an old hag and at only 30 I shouldnt be, should I?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

Its very natural for you to feel disgusted.

But at times talking with him won't help.If he sees its affecting you,he will probably do more.Some men can be quite dense at times.

A thorn can be removed with a thorn.What hysterics and tears cannot accomplish,sheer brains can do it.You say you are good looking too.You have lots of arsenal in your pocket.

If you have been arguing with your husband stop it.Indifference is the worst punishment you can give to a guy.Dress yourself well at all times.Even at home.Go around with a smile and walk on your lips.Act as if he doesn't exist.Act happy around him.

When you go out dress up stunningly sexy.Watch all the other men fall on their toes to have a look at you.He cannot fail but notice it.He will stop spending time around his computer.He will want to spend time with you.

Every man is different.You would know your husband better.You would know whether the tactic I suggested would work on him or not.

If nothing works and you are still unhappy its time to go for counseling.If that too doesn't yield results life is too short to be spent unhappily.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

I would be disgusted if my husband was ogling teenagers. Nobody find the idea of a dirty old man attractive. It is borderline pedophilia. With hundred of photos on your PC it sounds more like an obsession than just a casual glance at a pretty girl. If I was in your shoes I would be pretty upset too.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

Communication is the starting point! Let him know how you are feeling. But also know that it is nothing personal against you (even though I know it feels like it is) You have to let him know this.

But, I think we all enjoy looking at a young, goodlooking person and admiring their looks. It doesn't mean we will act on that. I do have to admit, that although I like seeing a young hot guy...I don't have hundreds of pictures on my pc. Actually, I don't have any. But at the same time I have to admit, there are times I have fanasized about Johnny Depp!!!! lol...fanasy is harmless and could even lead to a better sexlife.

But communication is paramount! And if he is oggling young girls in your presence, that is disrespectful to you and you need to let him know that!

Twenty years ago I dated a guy who was 12 yrs younger than me and dropdead gorgeous! I always felt alittle insecure, when we were out in public because all these young girls would come on to him, or even just stare at him. I know they must've been thinking what's he doing with her??? But he was such a gentlemem, he would at as though I was the only one for him! He would get annoyed with those girls who disrespected me and tried to get his attention! And I believe that is how a man should behave when he is out with his lady. Demand that respect from your guy, and talk to him about the pictures on the pc. Let him know how it all makes you feel. There is no way any of us can live up to those images on the screen. Most of them are airbrushed and flawless...that's not reality. Maybe you might want to bring up a few pix of some goodlooking, hot guys for yourself (even if your hearts not in it) just to let him know how it feels! I think that's what I would do!!!

In anycase...good luck, however you handle it!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, pietry Romania +, writes (1 January 2009):

pietry agony auntTo be honest, all males have sexual fantasies or fetishes. All men have erotic dreams, this is completely unwillingly and not their fault, and nothing to be jealous about. ( Most dreams don't even have a predetermined woman, just a female presence ).

I think your husband is trying to look for another way to discover his sexual nature. Perhaps the best way to handle such situation is to openly speak with him about the problem and ask him what is bothering him and find out what his fantasies are and try to satisfy them inside your couple.

You don't have to "compete" with some pictures, you need to find the cause of his escaping into this fantasy world. Getting angry about it will not only not solve your problem but perhaps make him to hide even more from you.

You are not overreacting but you should have a more close relation with him and try to know him better psychologically and about his sexual nature.

Young girls usually mean a sexual frustration that your husband is having. I don't think any of you are to blame so don't accuse yourself.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, roadman United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2009):

roadman agony auntSome people like new cars some people hang on to old ones some people don't care as long as the cars drives..

My point is what your man interest is not importent,what he desires belongs to him,the key to any good love is understanding other people wants and not trying to stop them living there life for the simple reason you don't like what they do,if you can't bear it then leave but if you love him more than the photos are worth and what goes on in his mind then ignor what you can't contol.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Arianz Bangladesh +, writes (1 January 2009):

Arianz agony auntDear,

From your point of view you are right. Cause why a guy looks around when he has a beautiful wife.

Please don’t take it other wise: Just to know…..

Ever you try to show your self attractive?

Ever you try to know what he likes in girls?

You are his wife and you should know what his expectation from you.

Maybe he wants you to wear sexy type clothes.

Not only cloths your hair style, makeup, everything should be attractive to him.

Please don’t say your age 30 or something like that. Age is not a matter….

Matter is that how you present your self to him.

Also you need to consult with him about his problem.

Also in a sweet ways you can ask him what he likes in it.

Example: when he is watching then you can ask with softness “so honey what you like in this girl?” like that you will understand his want.

Sorry for a big answer but I think it will help you.

Please don’t mind if my words make you hurt.

Best of luck

I wish a very happy life

Take care

arianz

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2009):

i dont think it is uncommon. i have come across alot of older guys who like to look at younger women. if the girls are all 18 and the sites are legal, then don't worry too much. but i would still maybe talk to him about it.

i think some older guys like looking at younger women because it makes them feel young too. they see these fit, high energy girls and it reminds them of when they were that age and when they were able to get with these girls. he obviously finds something attractive about them. you should talk to him about it. don't shout and nag him, just talk.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

No you are not and no most men do not look at young teens online. The ones that do are obviously hiding something deep inside themselves. What age does he check out girls in real life? is it 13/14 year olds? It;s not right and yes I be worried and pissed off too. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes, It would turn me right of a guy.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "He perves at young girls and looks at porn, am I overreacting here?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.046875!