A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I met this guy at a family BBQ. He arrived sort of at the very end so we didn't speak much, we had a slight conversation and before I left to go home he asked for my number. I asked why and he said he wanted to talk after the BBQ, so I gave it to him since he seemed nice. It's been two days and I haven't heard from him. And it's confusing to me as to why he would ask for my number but not act on it. And to add I don't have his number, I wanted to leave it up to him to message if he wanted and I definitely gave the right number. Does this mean he's not interested anymore? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2014):
 Like WiseOwlE says, there is no why and no negative reason unless you attach one to it.
Maybe YouWish is being a bit too severe in labeling this guy as a player or womanizer. yes he could be , but also... please realize that asking someone's number at a party after a slight conversation is a social thing without any particularly deep meaning or intention.. It's like " we should do lunch together one of these days ".
Some times it happens ( the lunch or phone call ) , some time it does not. For no particular reason. The guy thought it was a good idea at the moment, then the day after changed his mind. Met some other girl. Lost your phone number. Had personal , money or health . Got distracted by other more pressing things going on in his life . Thought that you may want to date him or start a r/ ship and he was not up to it. Argued with his boss or parents, so he was in a foul mood. Got the blues about his ex , to forget whom he had gone to the party to begin with. GOT back with the ex . Or, when he asked he had some Dutch courage in himself , vanished the day after.
I can come up with other 100 whys , none of which is a real why, because the only why there is, is, " because he did not wish strongly enough to call you, to follow through that first impulse of asking for your number " and I don't think that's enough to make us think that he is a bad person who plays with women's feelings and expectations.
Maybe it would be simpler if women did not have particularly keen feelings and expectations about random people asking their number after a slight conversation ; and woud not feel upset / disappointed / mad that the guy was not smitten enough to follow through after what is more of a social ritual , than a well thought declation of intents :)...
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2014):
 I'm sorry to hear that he didn't reach back to you. I think the reason may be found in your original post when you said:
"we had a slight conversation and before I left to go home he asked for my number."
From my experience, most guys who request phone numbers after "slight conversations" tend to do that with many women. Then they weigh their options and maybe call one or two back if they're in the market for a relationship. Either that, or they keep a "black book", which makes them a player or womanizer, in which case you dodged a bullet by him NOT calling you back.
If you consider it from the larger perspective instead of internalizing it and wondering if there is something wrong with you, think of it as him moving out of the way for a guy who will most definitely cherish you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): For your own sake. Dont ask the obvious. Men n women are not the same. When they dont call its because his not interested. Start dating someone else.
You will find someone better. Who will call you everyday. Five times a day. Then his into u. But no call no show, stop agonizing. Move on. Theres so many men out there.have fun...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 August 2014):
 You can guess til the cows come home as to why he ASKED for your number and then never called. It won't help you.
If he has put forth no further effort then really, why waste time on him?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): Don't be disappointed or feel rejected for any reason. Guys often take numbers from attractive women, but may already be dating someone. Or he may have a crazy work schedule.
His intention may be to call you when his calendar is clear and whomever he's seeing in no longer in the picture. It has only been a week and you should go about your life as though you never met him.
There is no "why." There is no negative reason; unless you attach one to it. You only just met him, and shouldn't be so bothered over someone you've only met for a brief moment.
You're assuming he's a bad guy, or something is wrong with you. Neither is necessarily the case, he just hasn't called you yet. Learn to take it all in stride.
For your own sake, you'll have to learn to be able to not expect guys to snap to it just, because you gave him your number. Just chill!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo tomorrow will mark the week and I have still not heard from the guy. So clearly I know he's not going to message me at all. I just wish for my own sake, I knew why but oh well I will definitely be moving on and thanks again for all the help.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2014):
My guess is the guy is going by the 3 days or.. he lost your number or wrote it down wrong.
I doubt a guy would ask for your number so he can NOT call you later... That makes no sense.
I agree, if he doesn't call within a week, then he's decided he isn't interested.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): I agree with Getta, form the guy's perspective.
However; it's safer to say a girl has a right to set her own time-limit. If you don't have the balls to call, don't bother asking for her number.
I usually contact people within the first 48 hours; if I'm interested. If I had the nerve to ask, I have the nerve to call. Maybe I'd wait a week, if they didn't seem that interested; or were hesitant to give me their number. Most often, I never get the chance before they call me!
Your introduction was only brief, so he's in no hurry. Nor should you be to hear from him. Sometimes it's nice to hear from someone out of the blue; because that often means whatever delayed their contact is now out of their way.
Never be too eager. I've learned there is no real time-frame; accept the one you set by your own personal rules, or how desperate we are.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Save him your number...now what in your mindis supposed to happen? Idle patter can lead to no comitments. I wouldn't wait by the phone. Don't look at yourself as the 'problem'aif ydid something to make him lose interest. Maybe he really never had any interest. He was probably looking for an 'ego stroke' Lots of guys think they are a gift to the world of women and to perpetuate that egotistical fantasy theey'll ask women for their phone numbers as 'proof' to their ego that,"Oh yeah, she wants me." It pains me to admit it but a hugw percentage of guys are just complete jeeks and should be floged with a rope. MOve on and keep your phone number to yourself. Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers! I figured for myself after 3 days I won't bother anymore answer or not since it doesn't take this long to send a text nor have I ever waited this long to hear from a person. After really thinking about it I can't really like someone so much I barely know. It's just after dealing with countless bad guys it would be nice to give one guy a chance again but oh well. My curiousity got the best of me in this case.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): He might be interested but not that 100 percent interested. Maybe so many girls on the side. So watch out. If a guy is really interested he will not wait for a day to pass by to call you.
Based on my own experience. After a few hours i get a call. Guys who calls me a few days after i put them in a friend zoned.
But if you like him that much just wait for him. But i feel sorry for u for making yourself craxy anxiously waiting.
My suggestion. Look for another guy who will not make u wait.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 August 2014):
Uh what a hurry, what an eagerness :). Relax.
Look, it's rather normal and usual : guy sees girl at a party , exchanges brief , not particularly meaningful chit chat, finds girl attractive, asks for her number. Most probbaly it's not like he has just been zapped by your intellect during short social chit chat, or he has fallen in love at first sight so he feels he MUST talk to you right away,first thing. He's probably gone home thinking, what a cute girl, I must call her one of these days, and see if anything develops. You can't accuse him of being a player or sending you mixed signals, just because he has a life ( work, friends, etc. ) beside the scope of romancing you . If he calls after 2,3,4 days ..let's say within a week or so ,as YouWish says , it's reasonable and he is still interested.
If he does not call... that happens too, do not take it personally. Everybody, including you, may do something ( like asking for a phone No. ) because it sounds like a good idea at the moment, and then they happen to change their mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 August 2014):
Two days isn't bad actually. Many guys wait a few days so to call so as to not appear desperate or clingy. Usually it's if he hasn't called in a week that he's lost interest (or has gained interest in someone or something else).
When to make first contact is a delicate thing. Playing it cool means waiting for a few days. Give it a week since you saw him before jumping to "he's not interested".
Good luck!
...............................
|
