A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started dating someone in early December.Things went on for nearly two months. It was magic. Incredible conversation, passionate intimacy - you name it. We were instantly drawn to each other, it was a ridiculous "love at first sight" type of feeling. I then found out that he'd been planning to go overseas and meet someone he'd met online, as he was sure he had some kind of connection with this person, despite the fact they'd never met. It was completely bizarre. She was planning to move to our city afterwards too, allegedly for work. It hurt me greatly because we had an organic and very real thing going. He said he'd planned to do this before he and I started dating, and when he met me, it put him in a 'difficult position' because he felt this 'unexpected connection' with me. We had a couple of emotional conversations and arguments about the situation because we felt like we were falling for each other, and we agreed it was best to not keep doing what we were doing considering he'd planned to meet this girl etc, yet every time we would end up coming back to each other straight away. We had a magnetic attraction. Anyway - he met her, they appeared to fall crazy in love (from what I've seen online), and now they're in a monogamous relationship. She lives in his home (don't think she does anything else with her time, just wants to be a housewife). The circumstances of how they got together seem so bizarre and unnatural, and she's really pushed this situation along by locking him down. Mind you, they met about 5 weeks ago. However, he and I have been in contact over the last 10 days. Just a few messages here and there, saying we want to catch up. He said in a text "I nearly texted you for coffee yesterday!" and we agreed to meet up next week. We exchanged fun banter like we used to, and he even made a 'seemingly innocent' sexual comment. He seems interested?I predicted he would contact me a month after they met and got together, and he did. My instinct said he would be drawn back to me somehow. I don't know what to make of this. I'm quite sure that I'm in love with him. Why would he even bother contacting me for 'coffee' or whatever, considering the intense nature of the relationship we had? We were never friends, and it's obvious we are too attracted to each other to JUST be friends. It drives me crazy that he is with her. We had such an intense connection, surely that hasn't gone away for him if he's contacting me and it feels like it used to? Any advice or similar stories would be SO appreciated! Thanks
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female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (21 March 2016):
 Meeting up with him after you're fully aware of his girlfriend? That's not very nice is it? Although I can understand your actions to some extent if his meeting this girl was random and he was still seeing you.
Doesn't that depict to you what sort of man he is? Dating you but still going off to meet this girl?
No. You need to move on.
This guy made his choice and it wasn't you. And from what I've read, you've had a lucky escape. Who does that to someone?!
I strongly suggest you cut ALL contact with him and move on with your life. I understand it's hard, but you need to think of yourself here. It'll be better in the long run when your not chasing around after a guy who chose to be with someone else.
Good luck x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 March 2016):
 Yikes!
He sounds like a guy who lives in fantasy land. You starting up the sexual banter again, while KNOWING FULL WELL that he has a live-in GF now, that is just shady. Shady of you... and shady of him.
You two might have had a great connection, but I think he is a "bottle rocket" kind of guy... he falls in "love" fast, is very intense and .... burns out quickly.
After all he already seem over his whole domestic bliss thing he got going on with the other girl.
He doesn't know WHO he wants, he just want attention and lots of it.
I don't know why you are wasting your time with this guy.
Even IF they broke up.. he might get back with you... at least until he found someone else to play his fantasy games with.
He is in LOVE with the IDEA of LOVE, not love itself. And he is only thinking of one person... numero uno - himself!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 March 2016):
 I think he is good at making intense connections with whomever but bad at having faith in each one, and taking a pick. He didn't know how serious that long distance girl could be, so he dated you as back up. Now that the girl is here, he didn't know how long she would stay there so he keeps you in the background in case they don't work out, or he gets bored of her. Don't count the success of your relationship on spark, or a passionate feeling. He's a quite selfish person. He's a spark of light to be enjoyed as a whirlwind romance. You can't depend on him on anything that he does or does not promise.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2016):
 "...I don't know what to make of this. I'm quite sure that I'm in love with him. Why would he even bother contacting me for 'coffee' or whatever, considering the intense nature of the relationship we had? We were never friends, and it's obvious we are too attracted to each other to JUST be friends."
"make of this..." that this charlatan has two women fighting over him... both are (or, are prepared to) putting out.... so he's reached "guy Nirvana".... YOU are doing YOURSELF a grave disservice by making yourself available to play in his charade....
Stay away from him, and get on with your life....
Good luck.
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