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He loves porn..he texts other women in chatrooms and he says he does it because....he's just messing about??? I feel worthless-what should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Online dating, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2006) 9 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2006)
A female , *ogor writes:

hi im recently married to a man i love very much and i know that he loves me to however he loves to look at porn on the net and also texts to other women through chat rooms also the women have sent him rude pics of themselves. i have confronted him about this and he says its me he loves and he is just messing about but he knows it makes me feel worthless. any advice please.

View related questions: chat room, porn, text, the internet

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006):

I've read most of the story's on this topic and gogor u can't stop your husband from looking at porn as many women say he's a man but i'm not tottaly agreeing with women i'm a man in my early 20's and i've got a girl that love's me to bit's at the start i was haveing sex 3 time's a night and jerking myself 4 time's i was so horny u will never believe and i saw the look in my girl's eyes when i told her i jerked off and it was like someone really hurt. i vowed to stop the porn (i did) the jerking off (i did) so not every man need's porn.

i still look at porn for about 20 second's every other day. and say they will never match my sexy girl. to the women of this topic my girl was in bed with me about 3 month's ago and she started getting turned on and i wasn't and she went down stair's wearing her bathrope and she cybered a guy over the net and i was mega hurt so i kind of see how u feel about him txting them and him saying it's fun. my girl said it was all fun. but i didn't and she promised never to cyber again. i still trust her but not fully as i want i still feel that hurt somewhere in my head.

i say if u love him as much as u say put your foot down and if he still walk's on you with the txt's and porn do the right thing.

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A female reader, gogor +, writes (1 November 2006):

gogor is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thankyou to everyone who gave me the much needed advice i needed. i have told him we need to sit down and talk and we are doing so tonight. we did briefly talk last night and he said that he will do whatever it takes and that he is sorry but i know they r just words i need to see action.he is 38 and im 43 its the first time we have both been married so its not like he is a young lad who is just finding his way. thankyou again very much. xx

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A female reader, Ask Heather +, writes (1 November 2006):

Ask Heather agony auntThis is a difficult situation, and my heart goes out to you. Can I ask, was this behaviour apparent before you married? It seems as though your Husband dosn`t realise he`s married. I don`t know how old he is, but he is certainly acting like a young boy. Having intimate pictures sent to his mobile from other women is just Not On. The "Newly Wed" stage of a marriage should be a wonderful, joyful time for both of you. You need to set aside an evening for a Long Overdue talk, and calmly say all the things that are bothering and upsetting you; and this will be the time when he too can express what`s on his mind. If the thought of both of you saying your thoughts out loud is daunting, you could always both write a list of feelings / hurts / dissapointments / hopes & dreams. If he realises just how bad his behaviour is making you feel, he should start to treat you right. Chances are, he isn`t aware of just how hurt you are! He Loved you enough to marry you, perhaps he needs reminding of that! Please let me know how you get on, With Love, Heather.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006):

How is porn natural....it is totally UNATURAL and real men dont need it at all...it is a sad replacement for intimacy and a woman..The women in porn wer mostly sexually abused as children and are in no fit state of mind to make healthy decsions....how could any decent man get off to that.....he needs help. you should get out while you still can before you make the mistake of bringing children into the world who have a sleazebag of a father. All men do not look at porn....only the ones with NO MORALS AND NO RESPECT FOR ANY WOMAN

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006):

i think the porn is only natural he's a guy after all! but the texts aren't acceptable, remind him of the vows u both made and say how bad he is making u feel, if he continues take a break from the relationship then he will realise what he's lost!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006):

To the person who says all men look at porn...WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.. Only men with no respect whatsoever for women look at porn. Your h behaviour is totally unacceptable..ALL OF IT.. I would give him two weeks to be in full fledged counseling or walk..Do you really want to waste anymore time on him when he clearly has deep problems if he is not prepared to get help. People will treat you however you allow them to....The decsions you make now will deeply impact the rest of your life. You can do soooooo much better than this

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (31 October 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntI agree with KellyO, you need to lay down the ground rules right now in the beginning of your marriage. Let your husband know that the texting and the picture exchanging is to stop immediately. Explain how this is demeaning to you and causes you to feel diminished. As for the viewing of porn you can talk to him about the limits to that as well but you need to make sure he knows that he has to do this out of respect for you or the relationship is in real danger. Try to stay calm and good luck.

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A female reader, kellyO United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2006):

kellyO agony auntHi Gogor,

I would be upset myself! I dont think u should put up with this. He isnt only looking at porn but sending texts.That isnt fair and i know how this must make anyone feel especially a newly wed.

Well dear, if he feels he is just messing around then ask him how he would feel if he sees u texting other guys on the net and sending messages and seeing nude pics. will he see that as fun as well.

I think u should take a bold step now that your married life have just begin. Dont let him feel he can do anything and get away with it. He has to consider your feelings as well.Be stern and make him realise that if he continues in that way then u dont see this marriage lasting for long.

Goodluck dear.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006):

it turns him on, if he loves you he would stop texting the women through chatrooms. you can't stop him looking at porn every guy does it. if he knows it makes you feel worthless why does he still do it if he claims to love you?

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