A
female
age
18-21,
*eavensLily
writes:I've now been with my boyfriend for 20 Months. I love him so much and feel like we really are great together. Were currently looking for a place of our own, and have talked about marriage!. I'm 20, and he's coming up for 24. We spend a lot of time together, but only late in the evenings as I work from 8am and he works 7 days a week almost finishing as 7pm.. so really.. it's just so we can cuddle up at night! We've got some amazing holidays booked for this year and there are no problems with family members or anything like that.. but.. we do have one small issue that's getting us both down. Litrally. He loses his erection really quickly. This has only been a problem for us in the last 6 months. His sex drive is so much lower than mine and I feel that I'm craving to feel sexy and wanted, Some people may say I'm lucky because we do have sex once a week.. but even that one time can bring our small problem up.. after about 5 minutes he'll panic for some reason and lose his erection, then we'll have like a 20 minute chat about what it could be.. why it keeps happening, I can't help but ask "Is it me" "Do I need to lose some weight?" "Are you bored?" but every time he tries to reassure me and I do him. This is also really stressful for him as it's his manly hood!! I'm not being funny but his mates tell him he's batting above his league with me so it can't be that he's losing interest.. can it? I've asked a few times if it's ever happend with previous girlfriends but he never answers and says he's just never been this close to someone before. What the hell does that mean? To me it sounds like he spends too much time with me to find me as sexy as a "new, exciting" woman. A friend told me it can be a hormonal thing and a doctor can help with the problem??Every day I'm thinking about getting sexier just so he'll want me! Please help!
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erection, sex drive Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): i had a similar problem with a guy i was dating. when we first started dating, he had mentioned that he wasn't looking for anything serious but i think i was trying to push him into a relationship. he would have trouble getting or keeping an erection and at the time we couldn't figure out why. then after two months we decided to just be a friends with benefits relationship because he was too busy for a real relationship...and guess what happened..as soon as we made this arrangement and i backed off, he never had an erection problem again.
i don't think he realizes that his fear of committment was making him lose his erection. so there is something bothering your guy that he may not even realize. maybe he needs space or you to back off for a while so he can get his head together. or go to a sex therapist if you really need to.
good luck, i know how irritating this problem is!
A
female
reader, HeavensLily +, writes (20 April 2009):
HeavensLily is verified as being by the original poster of the question To be honest.. Sexyunderwear or no sexy underwear.. the guy doesnt care.. he has very low sex drive! He just looks and go's "Oooh yeah" and then eyes are back on the telly again.. Im insecure about my small chest.. so the underwear is the only thing making me feel better about my body as they cover them up and fit in so many different ways! Ive asked him loads to make a fuss of my chest as i hate them and need to feel like he truley does like them.. but no.. he really isnt that intersted in sex. Will this go on forever?
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A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (20 April 2009):
 It's not a prerequisite that you have to "do it" every night lol. Cuddling is fine but if he tries to do more then you have to say no and try to follow what I said as best you can. Tell him about my proposal. Print it out and you can read it to him in bed, that way he knows you're rejecting him for a reason.And no, it's not you! Far from it, I think he loves you to bits, it's himself he's not happy with just now and I think a lot of this stress is from him working too hard, his body (and mind) are simply just knackered!Try what I suggested when you can, you won't be disappointed! (winks).~Eve~
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A
female
reader, 198419were +, writes (20 April 2009):
maybe also think about stopping buying the sexy underwear etc and making such an effort so he'll feel less pressure
also, sexy texts during the day along with AskEve's suggestions!
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A
female
reader, HeavensLily +, writes (20 April 2009):
HeavensLily is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love your suggestion.. i just worry that he may not want to kiss and touch me, as he's just so tired.. so we'll just go to bed, him watching telly, me on the internet, lights off, and a sleepy cuddle. I really am frustrated with the lack in our sexual tension and i know how young we are! I have 15 underwear sets.. and im still buying new ones just to get some kind of reaction. If he loses his erection.. and then we chat.. we can get it back up again to finish off where we stopped.. but afterwards i feel shit.. and not as great as i did whilst he was coming on to me. I've only slept with 2 guys including him, he's been with 9 or 10 girls.. which really isn't alot but could it be me? I feel that i really try, and feel very rejected most weeks. A guy friend told me not to hand it out on a plate.. and to just wait.. which worked but after many "sex arguments".. i now feel that he's just coming on to me because i've made it clear my sex drive is higher than his.
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A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (20 April 2009):
Your partner is probably very stressed and just needs to relax. This problem is becoming more common with young people today and all he needs to do is relax more. It's a psychological thing with him. The more he thinks about performing, the more he panics in case it doesn't work and so the vicious circle.Okay here is what I propose. Try this and I can guarantee you will have one of the best nights making love to one another ever! Tell him that for the next 14 days there will be NO INTERCOURSE at all. Although neither of you will be very happy about it, he will immediately relax as there is no pressure for him to "perform." When you are in bed you can kiss and cuddle one another but no kissing of the breasts or genitals for him and you should go nowhere near his genitalia. This should continue for the first 4 nights.After that you are both allowed to touch one anothers genitalia but NO ORAL between you. Get used to touching one anothers bodies, seeing what you both like and what really turns you on. Introduce massage with oils, taking turns to do it to one another. Kissing and cuddling is okay and kissing each others bodies anywhere is fine, even him kissing your breasts is fine but neither of you should perform oral on one another and of course no penetrative sex! Do this for one week.On day 12 introduce oral into the equation. Kissing, cuddling, stroking, oral but again NO INTERCOURSE. Keep that for the 14th day!!! I can assure you that by that time BOTH of you will be so desperate for one another that he'll have forgotten all about his "problem." If you follow these instructions and stick to them then it really WILL work! I have used this with many couples who have came to me regarding erectile dysfunction (old and young) and it worked 100% with ALL of them... IF followed correctly!Happy loving!~Eve~
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (20 April 2009):
 He needs to see a doctor and if you feel you need to improve then go for it, it can't make any thing worse and you will feel better about yourself! X
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