A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI was dating a guy for a month, I was not attracted to him physically but sounded a nice decent person with a great job and everything. I asked him so many times whether he is single and he said he is and he never married since he was into his career.We had a real connection and I liked him and we had sex twice, not so great, but again the connection was good.He said he dont do social media but I was just randomly checking Facebook for his name and found that he is married with 2 kids. He was cheating his wife with me, I feel so disgusted and used. Do I need to inform his wife, I don't have any proof that he cheated on his wife with me, so not sure whether she will even believe and I don't have her number r his address. So what should I do, please help me.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): Please don't berate yourself for trusting this bad guy. There are many many bad ones out there particularly on the on-line dating sites. They will say and do anything; but that doesn't mean you can behave in the same fashion. Whether the wife knows or not is not the issue; its how you move on and learn. And try, try, try not to become depressed over this; he doesn't deserve to occupy so much space in your head and life. Try to spend some time with some positive people who love you and wish you well. Perhaps even some older friends who may be enlightened. The right guy will come into your life and this will simply become a bad dream with a valuable message. My best to you.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 January 2016):
 Unlike others here, I think that you should gather up evidence, such as the timeline where he was when he met you, and provide very detailed picture of all those meetings, including that you found about his marriage via FB... Be very specific as in dates, time as in possibly minutes... So after gathering it, send it anonymously to his wife. She will most definitively have some sort of a reaction if the picture is detailed and meticulous. I know that my ears would rise if I was to read that, say, on January 13 at 4:35pm my SO met someone that lasted until 7:20pm etc. You get the picture: the more detail the more she will pay attention. Even if she dismisses it, at least she will have enough suspicion to begin sniffing. After that, be sure you have no contact, and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 January 2016):
 OP
Chalk it up to a mistake. I wouldn't be surprised if he has done this before and will try and do it again - whether the wife knows or not - this is ALL on him.
Don't feel bad for getting "played" or rather for being used. IT happens.
Something though made you ask him MORE than once if he was single. I think that was your gut talking. If something seems to be TOO good to be true... it usually is.
Hindsight is easy. (specially for all of us). YOU need to STOP beating yourself up. Because YOU did nothing wrong.
My advice, BLOCK and delete HIS number. That way if he tries to play more games, it WON'T be with you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the response. I am not able to digest the fact he played me and I'm in the verge of mental breakdown that I have been so stupid that I didn't see this coming. Just realized he blocked me in text massager probably blocked my number too. Feels like as if I am the one who pursued him, reality is he is the one keep on insisting on seeing me. For once I thought I found the right person.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): Btw, you're lucky he has a profile somewhere. I know a lot of guys who do not have a profile anywhere! Mostly married. I wonder why....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): I agree with all others - Definitely do your online research next time BEFORE meeting/getting intimate. Also, why did you feel the need to ask him more than once whether he's single? If there's any doubt or need to ask more than once, that's an issue. Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 Do you see what I mean by saying, "men like that are brilliant at manipulation"
That's exactly what he's trying to do now, Now that you know he's married he is trying to spin it and put all the blame on you.
Don't for one minute think it is though! You have done nothing wrong, this is all his fault.
Just be glad you get to walk away from the scum bag. Don't fall for anything he trys to spin you, you know what he is.
The other posters are correct, next time you meet a guy. Do some research on him first.
The right guy who deserves you is out there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): No. more like while still assuming he was single, you sent him cute messagesand asked where he was just like you would do if you were in a relationship beginning. his wife probably saw them or was there when his phone kept going off and it was you and he probably deleted all of them except the one where you were pursuing him and he was ignoring you. he has already made you look like the bad guy and now she probably has your phone number. the guy was obviously only after sex and guys that only want sex tend to be very selective of when they answer their phone claiming their busy. in reality, they're hiding you. you said you asked so many times if he was single maybe because you've been the other woman before without knowing it or you have been cheated on. simply asking isn't going to help even though he had the chance. one way to tell if he's taken or seeing other women is to wait until you've met some of his friends and acquaintances and family members and see how he introduces you. see if he is physically affectionate with you or if he keeps his distance and act like you're just a friend. even a statement such as "okay don't let on to Bridget that we're seeing each other she likes me and it would cause her to go crazy" that is a sure sign that he is hiding you.. in my experience, it is best not to have sex with somebody until they're willing to let others know that you're seeing each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 January 2016):
I would definitely not say it's YOUR fault. You didn't make this guy cheat on his wife, you didn't make him lie to your face (and probably her face too).
This is ALL on him. He is a piece of $%^&. There is no way you could have known that.
But for your OWN sake, I'd check out a potential date before getting physically an emotionally involved. It's a nasty way to learn a lesson. And doing a little online snooping is easy these days. Now you know, not everyone out there are who they say they are.
I don't think you should "own" his pathetic behavior one bit.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, it's me the OP, just now that cheating scumbug sent me message that he was avoiding me for couple of days and not responding to my text or calls properly and I should have taken the hint. So now it's my fault that I got cheated and used on.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I would not tell her. She may know and look the other way, they may have an agreement. Or she may not want to know.
He's a dog. But he's HER dog. not yours.
His bad behavior is not a reflection on you. LET it go.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I think she needs to be told. It is not your job to worry about whether or not she believes you. That is up to her to decide. You know he cheated- he knows he cheated and it's up to him to deal with any fall out. If she stays, she stays. If she forgives she forgives. If she kicks his lying sorry arse to the curb then that's his fault not yours. I'd like to know and I'd certainly raise an eye if some random woman come to tell me she had been shagging my husband and the circumstances of how it happened and how you found out he was married. Who knows, he may of told her he was working late, or had and appointment on the days you two caught up. If you can provide times and dates that might be all she needs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I am always for telling the betrayed spouse however in this case, unless you have proof, don't approach the wife.
There is a possibility that even with proof the betrayed wife wouldn't believe you.
Be angry with the guy. He is a creep. Put this one down to experience and rather do some discrete checks on a man before getting involved with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): You could collect evidence.
Invite him to stay the night at yours, saying you enjoyed your last sexual encounter and want it all night long. He'll probably make excuses as to why he can't. At which point you ask him 'Are you sure you're not hiding a secret family? This is our honeymoon stage. Why won't you stay over or why can't I come and stay with you?' Then you'll get more bullshit excuses from him.
After doing this, you then contact the wife and tell her your suspicions along with screenshots of the messages.
In her shoes you'd want to know wouldn't you?
Please do the right thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 January 2016):
I'm with Cindy.
IF there is no real proof, how do you think she would receive that info?
No texts? No call log?
How did you meet? How did you plan the dates?
As much as it sucks, I'd take this as a lesson. CHECK a guy out BEFORE sex. You obviously had an inkling that he might NOT be single, yet you didn't look him up till after ?
As a wife, I'd want to know, but if someone "randomly" contacted me with info and nothing to back it up, I'm not entirely sure I'd believe it.
He is a piece of work, that's for sure.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I'd let it go.
You got played and you are understandably furious, but , as you say, probably you would not accomplish anything. You have no evidence whatsoever and it would be very easy for this guy to convince his wife that you are some delusional weirdo or worse, that you tryng to get revenge because he spurned your avances.
Then, you don't know about the background; maybe the wife knows he's cheating and turns a blind eye, maybe she is cheating too, maybe they have a " don't ask don't tell " policy...
Finally, I guess it's normal that you want to punish him somehow, but in punishing him you may cause even more harm and damage to a woman who did nothing wrong to you, and to her 2 children.
It's a very delicate, sensitive situation, and perhaps it's preferable if you stay out of it.
P.S: Practical suggestion : apparently the Web is a mine of informations about everybody and sooner or later you find out all you need to know ; so next time make your reasearches BEFORE you become intimate with a new guy...
...............................
A
female
reader, Flower89 +, writes (26 January 2016):
You tell his wife nothing, that's what you do!
Delete any contact you had with him and let him go back to his wife.
I know what he did to you was unfair, but his wife and Children have done nothing to you!
I would walk away and be glad that it's not you that has to deal with him.
She won't thank you for that information & men like that are brilliant manipulators, you will end up looking the bad one, as I can guarantee he will say it was all you.
Just delete, forget & move on.
The karma bus will catch up with him one day.
...............................
|
