A
female
age
41-50,
*elody1977
writes:My boyfriend of 4 months is perfect in every way, apart from when I read the history on his laptop. He has been going online with Adult Friend Finder. He did a search for women seeking men!! He registered!! This was last week when I was out with my friend - I am so hurt!!! He has also been viewing online porn, particularly searching for asian and latino women - I am black! I wanted to throw a bucket of cold water over him when he was sleeping in bed and watch him choke, but I cannot let on that I know as he will try to conceal any further evidence. I am going to monitor his history. I feel betrayed. He is 55 and I am 33. We were planning a future together - I am consumed with rage and just want to confront him and tell him what an asse he is but I cannot. I dont know what to do. I know I should not have looked through his history but he lied to me at the start of our relationship about his age and I found that out by snooping too, if I had not god knows how long he would have led me to believe he was 47 rather than 55. I feel like I cannot trust him and feel as though I have been cheated on - as far as I am aware, he has not physically met anybody off there but I just feel as though it is just a matter of time :-( :-( Any advice would be grately appreciated. Many thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING
Run bitch.
Run as fast and as far away as you can from him. There is nothing that will go right in that relationship in the long run.
You can take my word for it now,
or pay the sever consequences later.
Hun, I'm doing this for you.
Run your little heart away from that monster.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Dump him! You've only been with him 4 months, and he's already cheating on you--or trying to find someone to cheat with. You're right. You can't trust him. This man will never be faithful to you no matter what you say or do. And he probably only sees you as a sexual object to boot. Get ouf this relationship before you invest more of your precious time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 November 2010):
 Dump the old geezer! Fins someone who will love and adore you for you.
He may have been bored and signed up for Adult Friend Finder, but.... that is only step one.
You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (5 November 2010):
 I'm glad I could help. However, I feel you already have more than enough evidence to justify breaking things off. Why wait for another chance to snoop? I don't want to sound harsh, but monitoring his computer sounds more like something a concerned parent would do than someone in an adult relationship. I know it's hard to cut off someone you care for, but he's already looking to cheat after only four months. He's clearly not to be trusted. In the long run, monitoring his online activity isn't going to do anything more than confirm what you already know you should do.Good luck, I hope everything works out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Sorry 4u. Drop him like hot coal. I expect theres a lot more of this to be discovered. Dont take his bullshit. Tell him its over and ask him if he knows why. If u let him convince u,then dont be suprised if it still goes on in another 5 years.
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A
female
reader, Melody1977 +, writes (5 November 2010):
Melody1977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for this, it is very helpful and a harsh reality! I am going to continue to monitor his laptop. I am out again tonight without him, so Saturday's viewing will be very telling!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): If you have to say someones perfect in every way BUT... That 'but' means he isnt perfect at all. You cant teach an old dog new tricks. Hes probably been behaving this way for many years. And if he hasnt learned by now that lying doesnt work, hes never going to learn!
That was just one lie, you dont know how many others there are. You are in the first flush of the relationship and already hes signing up to a dating site to see who else is out there? Its insulting to you and shows hes not thinking of sticking around. I wouldnt wait and watch his history. Whats the point? You already know what type of person he is. Plan your exit now x
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (5 November 2010):
He's not perfect at all, and you need to seriously think about why you want to stay with him in spite of everything you've found out. If he's going to lie to you about something as trivial as age, what else could he be lying about? He's registered on a dating site while he's still with you, which means he's definitely looking for other women to date on the side. There's no excuse there, he's actively looking to cheat on you. Even if you confront him and changes for the better, do you really think you could ever fully trust him?
Relationships are built on trust. If it's not there, it's not ever going to work. It's only been four months, cut your ties to him and find a man that's going to be faithful and respect you enough to be honest to you.
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