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He lied about being a virgin when he met me!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i have a huge problem, i found out my boyfriend of 3months who i love so much lied about being a virgin when he met me. he said he had slept with 3 people before me one of them being a girl who he lives with in his student accommodation which i was really uncomfortable and paranoid about as she is so pretty and he just watched me suffer. another he said, was a girl who is underage.

he only came clean about having only slept with me on friday night, he told me whilst i was really drunk as i was in such a state and i was accusing him of things. later that day just before he left for work i broke up with him, after i had said i forgave him and we had had sex. i didnt mean to do this i just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me by lieing. i know this was wrong. and ive apologised and said i was in the wrong, i practically begged to have him back and he said that he loved me too and he wanted us to be together and that we could try after a day of him ignoring me not answering my texts or phone calls. now i assume we are back together but i dont know? he's invited me to his christmas party tomorrow night and i asked if i was staying there or expected to go home, he said other people were staying at the house and i supposed i was welcome, then i said id rather go home than sleep on the sofa so he said i could share his bed as he'd probably be too drunk to notice.

he also said there would be alot of people at the party and his attention wouldn't be on me. i really want this relationship to work but its like he is putting all the blame on me.

he is being so cold i love him to pieces and i know he loves me i have no idea what to do.

i am so lost.

View related questions: broke up, christmas, drunk, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008):

Okay weeeelll,.. He'll notice alright, he just wants to get your a**. And if he's drunk then bet on that happening maybe even multiple times. You know not to judge, but if the guy lied to you in the first place it was probably so you'd just feel more comfortable... while he got in your pants. So since he'll be "TO DRUNK TO NOTCIE," he probably just said that to lure you to his BED (HE DIDN'T LIE AOUT THAT) to make you more comfortable while he creeps up into your pants again. Now since you asked "IF YOU WERE EXPECTED TO STAY," all I can say to you is... FOOOOOLLLLLL. He's useing you for sex! DO YOU WANT THIS MAN TO BE THE FATHER OF ANY OF YOUR CHILDREN? He admitted to having sex with someone underage for goodness sake! WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE PRETENDING TO BE. Your boyfriend seems to have no SOCIAL MASCULINITY ( the ability to be a good future husband or father... don't waste your time, you can do better sweetie, YOU CNA DO SOOOO MUCH BETTER!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008):

Somehow I don't believe your story actually involves love ... not from him, nor from you. Time will tell, and I'm quite curious how things will turn out. Anyhow, hope I'm wrong :)

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A male reader, Neeraj060 India +, writes (8 December 2008):

Neeraj060 agony auntAnybody would be lost at this point in life..anyone.What you did on your part is truly acceptable ... but the point to note here is that atleast your boyfrined todl you some don't have the balls and would be messing around with people on your back.

If he didn't wanted you to know about him you would have been under a false impression which clearly he did not want ....reason your boyfrined wants you to know about him and accept him for what he is ...He also did not wanted to loose you or else he would and just walked through and looked for some one else.

This would not be easy on his part too..he knows that he has not been true to you and he has played with your emotions but look around you and ask yourself how many of them are so true.

What I can say is give him a chance...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008):

I think you were a bit harsh on him if I'm honest. It's better than him telling you he was a virgin and it turned out that he wasn't! He probably said it to make you more comfortable as you thought he knew what he was doing. Go and meet up with him and talk it through. Tell him how you feel and get his side of the story as well. Then you can see how he feels about you and if he's prepared to give it another shot =]

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