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He left me, went back to his wife, now left his wife again and wants me back

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 January 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 February 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I met my boyfriend shortly after he had split up from his wife we had a wonderful relationship for a few months then i couldn't believe it when he sat me down and told me he was going back to his wife he had been feeling really low recently and still had feelings for her but still loved me.

That was several months ago and he has recently been in contact with me again, he has told me it is over with him and his wife for sure this time and they are getting a divorce. Part of me wants him back i do love him but he has put me through hell and i am worrying that he will change his mind again as time goes on though he seems very convincing at the moment.

Should i give him another chance?


View related questions: divorce, split up

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A female reader, HidiHi New Zealand +, writes (16 February 2009):

I too had this happen he left me and went back to his wife he then came back to me 4 months later saying it was the biggest mistake of his life and he loved me and he wanted me back.

He left his wife a second time I foolishly took him back and was so excited after everything I had been through but now after 2 weeks he has said he is confused and missing his family and wants some space to figure things out. I have done that and just found out that this past weekend while we are not in contact and he is having his space he actually took his wife away for the weekend and to a music concert. So please take something from my experience and just wait to see if he really is not going to go back because the pain you felt the first time is nothing like the pain you feel the second time

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A female reader, pastfirst United States +, writes (28 January 2009):

pastfirst agony auntMake sure he's started divorce proceedings before taking him back again.

He doesn't seem to know what he wants. Take things slowly and don't be too quick to trust him, unless you know he's left his wife permanently.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009):

No he was definately split up from his wife when i met him he lived with his mother and often stayed at mine.

I realize i maybe shouldn't have got involved until he was divorced but he never actually discussed it the first time around and i was besotted and just let things roll on. Anyway some people don't bother getting divorced until they are wanting to remarry.

I think i will take everyones advice this time and make sure he is actually divorced before continuing our relationship if that would make a difference to his toing and frowing who knows.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009):

I disagree with the response that said you "can't be mad" or hurt or anything else that you feel from having given your heart to someone, and had him betray that. However, I do think that it is an oxymoron to have a married boyfriend; by definition, he belongs, for lack of better, to another woman until they divorce. And if his wife did not know about or consent to seeing others then he is a cheater too.

Thus, I agree that I would not take him back unless and until he is a single man. Even then, I would cautious about being the rebound woman.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009):

From your phrasing it sounds like your boyfriend was still married while the two of you were together, so you can't actually be map at him for going back to the woman who he was still legally married to. It's better for the both of you to have stopped commiting adultry, it's not emotionally healthy. As far a getting back together it sounds like he doesn't know exactly know what he wants. I suggest you wait until they've signed the papers this time before you let him back in your life. Don't let him play you again.

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A male reader, cdjudd United States +, writes (28 January 2009):

I gave my girlfriend of 4 years that same chance and she disappointed. But that doesn't say it will be the same for you. Just make sure he understands this is the last time and that you are very generous BUT also have a backbone. Best of luck to you.

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