A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:i love my boyfriend very much but i sometimes worry that he is taking me for granted. he says he lves me very much as well and i have no reason to doubt him. but sometimes i feel he thinks i am there for this convinience. for example i will pick him up from anywhere at any time all he has to do is ring it can be 4 am and miles away i will still do it, coz i worry that he will be stupid and start a fight unintentionally or will sleep in a ditch for the night he has done that before. he is in lots of debt at the moment and i am not as i am and always have been very careful with my money. so this means i pay majority of th time when we go out as i feel bad when he is stressing about money. he will be debt free next april. it's just little things that makes me doubt things like he will say i can take him to the airport to say good bye to him but hten he gets a better offer and drops me. he will go out with me on a weekend night if the boys arent going out. just thinks like that am i making a mountain out of a mole hill? or should i start saying no and not feeling bad about it? i'm sooo confused. i mean i know we have a future i love him to bits we never argue we've been together a year now and he is always talking about when hes out of debt he'll buy me a really nice engagement ring and that we will get married and have kids and grow old together and i truely se it happening. but just should i not be an easy touch and stand up for myself a bit?
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female
reader, rhythmandblues2  + ♥, writes (23 June 2007):
 I think you should listen to what your intuition or your gut is telling you about this guy....to me the worst red flag is that he ditches you for the boys on weekends, he sounds to me like he has the potential to cheat...and that he is a serial dater, never without a girlfriend, he may be out looking for your replacement while you are at home...at the very least he sounds emotionally absent in this relationship and you are working very hard to keep it going, which is exhausting....If he is not backing up his words with action then he is telling you what you want to hear to keep you around...but from what you say about him sleeping in a ditch, starting a fight for no reason (he can't drink reponsibly) and a mountain of debt due to irresponsibility, tells me that he is not a great candidate for marriage anyway, at least not in the near future until he grows up....You have to decide what to do, but I think you should not ignore those red flags that are niggling at your brain.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): No, he is using you. I bet if you stopped doing things for him and paying for everything, he wouldn't be promising you a ring. Why would you even want one from him? And I doubt he'll be out of debt next April. He is very immature and totally disrespectful of you. You need to do more than stick up for yourself, you need to ditch this loser. What is he out doing at 4 a.m.? Getting drunk and cheating on you. You better leave him before you catch some STI.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  + ♥, writes (23 June 2007):
 Wake you at 4 am to pick him up? Was that a metaphore? Why would he need a pick up in the middle of the night in the first place, what does he do for a living? And how come he is so overhwlmed with debts? And then, he goes out with you on weekend only if he doesn't have prior engagements with his friends, so they're prioritary? The picture is not complete, what else can you tell us of him? How does he show you he appreciates you, except for words?
Chances are he finds convenience in this relationship, you love him and you're naturally willingly to share everything, wholeheartedly. The question is, does he profit from it, or he wants to respond you the same way? Make sure for example he's not after your money before settling a life together...
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A
male
reader, jmpirie  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Consider your life now and the support you get from your boyfriend. Things may change with age but not due to marriage. Is this really all you expect from a life partner? It sounds like the engagement ring is the least of your worries.
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (22 June 2007):
 Stand up for yourself. Say no sometimes, your not his personal slave or his on call servant, and regardless of how much you love him you shouldnt be his doormat.If you feel hes taking you for granted, then dont be so available, and maybe hell see how much you do for him. best of luck-Myesha
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A
female
reader, myamashi +, writes (22 June 2007):
It sounds to me like you have a child on your hands. He is not ready for a relationship. He is not financially stable, he is unreliable, and he can not stand on his own two feet without the assistance of a friend or a loved one. He may love you very truly, I don't doubt that at all. He needs time to grow up first though. You need to let him go and give him some time to enjoy his youth. You also need time to grow up. You are both in the prime of your life, these are the times where you let loose, have fun, and grow in your experiences you encounter. A serious relationship may not be in the near future. Give it time, a long time in fact. If it's meant to be things will work out. If not, you will be happier with what path you're put on. Everything happens for a reason and holding on to a dilema will only make you bitter.
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