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He isn't ready for a relationship, but I really like him!

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Question - (30 September 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 October 2012)
A female Canada age 26-29, *nicky123 writes:

I need help or advice .There's this guy in my English class that i really like .he already knows that i like him and he told me that he just wasn't ready for a relationship just yet due to past ones ,and that he just wanted to be friends. we are currently friends but i want to get him to think of me more then just a friend without me coming off as desperate. I've asked all of my friends on what i should do and they all say to just get him to trust me or they're no help at all. Please help me .

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwhen a guy (of ANY age) says to you "I'm not ready for a relationship" Nine times out of ten he's left off the last part which is "with YOU"

you can't make him love you or want you.

I'd let it go as best you can and open yourself up to other possibilities with other boys.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (1 October 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHe is letting you down gently, if he has told you he is not ready for a relationship accept that he is not ready for a relationship (with you).

If he just wants to be friends, accept that, if you cant accept what he is offering then gently remove yourself from his circle of friends.

If you don't accept his words and continue with wanting something from him he can't or won't give you run the risk of becoming a nuisance. Its your choice, accept what he can give, or end up with nothing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012):

Guys who say that often use that as a way to let you down easy. If a girl he sees himself with comes tomorow, he will be ready for her. You can be his friend but don't hope for anything more. Who knows maybe seeing you happy without him will make him come around.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (30 September 2012):

YouWish agony auntI would disconnect yourself from him emotionally. Guys say what they mean most of the time, but in this case, him saying "I'm not ready for a relationship" really means "I don't want a relationship with YOU". I know this because there are countless times I've seen guys leave a painful long term relationship, turn around fast, and get married to the next woman.

Do you really want to waste time pursuing a guy who isn't into you? Wouldn't you rather be with a guy who wants you with as much passion as you want him?

Disconnect from this guy, and allow yourself to find someone else, because he's a dead end.

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A female reader, Atsweet1 United States +, writes (30 September 2012):

Atsweet1 agony auntYou don't have to be desperate cause you want to show you have interest. He most and likely doesn't want a relationship because he didn't know you did. Which could change how he feels about relationships and exclusively being in committed relationship. I know I don't even want to get involved if not serious cause it waste time when people just want to use and play.

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (30 September 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntIf he told you he is not ready for a relationship, there isn't much you can do until he changes his mind. He will change his mind when he is ready, so don't try to pressure him into it. It will just cause trouble between the two of you.

I would suggest to continue to be his friend. Ask him to do things and show him he can trust you (especially if he has been hurt by girls in the past). Many times, this is how great relationships start anyway. Friends start doing things together and fall for one another. So, relax, go slow, and just be his friend for now.

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