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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been friends with this guy for a few months and he's been engaged but it was on the rocks, and now the engagement is off. He has been flirting but he is such a big flirt anyway that i cannot tell yet if he likes me or wants to be with ME. All i know is that this girl broke his heart and called off the wedding and its 100% over now. The week after they finished he's been trying to get my attention but i ignored him purposly cuz i think he needs some time to get over her before he leaps on to me. I then spoke to him the following week and he asked me to go away with him for the weekend.I said no because i dont think im on the level to be going on holiday with me, i mean we are only relatively new friends really, and im not his girlfriend. Also of course i didnt want him to see me as the 'rebound girl' and pounce on me as soon as we got to France. Nothing has happened sexually with us since we've known each other but i can see it heading that way.How long do i really need to wait for him to be completely over this girl so that he doesnt just use me on the rebound, there has always been 'something' between us since the day we met in a hidden way, but i dont just want it to be sex, I want him to fall in love with me! Any ideas how to play this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2006): hey. all this advice is right i think this is one of those situations when you have to make sure your emotions don't get the better of you. You're on the right track, he is on the rebound and would be using you to heal his ego a bit. you don't want to be his rebound keep telling yourself that and you obviously know where it's going. You are the person in control here and you should let him know that in a reasonable way. you should wait for a while a few weeks at least to see if he still treats you the same, and actually values your friendship. If he does he genuinely cares for you and i would persue it. You're in control and if you listen to your head and what you know you should do you'll make the right decision good luck=)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2006): You seem to have yourself in quite a tight squeeze. Maybe a Male prospective might help you through.
If you are that interested in this man as you say you are, then holding yourself back the whole time durring this engagment must have been painful, and now that he is single once again, must make it that much more difficult. But I do agree with rhythmandblues2 response, that you should hold off for awhile.
You must think how sad this man must be after having his heart broke, but acting so quickly to BE with you. People have so many different ways to heal themselves from heartache. And not just men, but even for women, after a breakup they seek out someone they know that has been eyeing them and would attempt what he is doing. If you went with him and let your emotions get the best of you, you might regret it for the rest of your life. You cant let him think that your that easy, or that ready to fall in love. He is prolly holding in his pain and doesnt want to face it, or he can get over a broken engagment in a second lol.
You got to realize you cant make him fall in love with you either. As much as you like him and are attracted to him, think first. How well do you really really know him. To like someone is one thing, and to love them is another. Take your time with this one, make sure your head isnt taking advantage of this open moment for you and him. Make sure your ready to deal with this with even no ones help. I wish you the best of luck and hope this ends well.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2  + ♥, writes (3 December 2006):
 I think your instincts are telling you that now is not the time to start a sexual relationship with your friend, you are right he is on the rebound....the fact that he is flirting so much is his way of healing his wounded ego...a guy thing.
I think he probably does like you and he obviously feels safe with you....I think friendship is always the foundation that every love relationship that lasts is built upon, so that said, withhold sex for as long as you can so you will know if he is really interested in you, and he will grow to love you as a friend first, very important...that you have his respect for one thing. You of course can flirt back and let him know of your feelings, you can be passionate and reciprocate in a sexual way, but just do not go too far too fast as you are right it would probably not help you to have a rebound fling with him!
If you want to go away for the weekend, then I would be very clear that you would be going just as a friend, and seperate rooms would be ideal, nothing wrong with doing things with him as a friend.
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