A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man going on two years now ... and I recently suggested that we take our relationship more serious level and commit to one another .... he told me he's not ready because he is not the man he needs to be right now .... what should I do ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Commiting to a woman for the rest of is life is a huge responsibility. He has to be financially stable, emotionally mature, be your guide and emotional rock. It means commiting not only when you have fun times, but also when you have bad times. What you should do is figure out if he has plans to become the man he and you want him to be. How long, and whether you can be patient for him.
Usually men like to take the lead so whenever a woman tells him to take it to the next level, it tells him that he's slow, he's not doing things right. The "where do we stand" conversation gives him the reality of where is he at, and he is not happy with that. He knows that you are looking for more than what he's offering now so he doesn't want you to be frustrated when you do commit.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 March 2011):
I'll need some more background info before I can give you a suitable answer, but I'll roll with what little you gave me for now.
When people say they're not ready because [insert reason] it usually means they're not all that into you but don't want to let you down the hard way. Saying he's not the man he needs to be points to unresolved issues and maybe even self loathing. People dealing with that are very hard to date because they are simply not ready for a committed relationship. Their own problems/issues take the front seat and that can make things very hard.
Some questions for you
- This date phase of two years, were you two exclusive to eachother or did you allow eachother to see others as well? If the latter is the case, he likes the arrangement he has now and isn't romantically interested in you. Basically sex without the responsibility.
- Did he have any problems/issues you noticed that explain his answer?
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