A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I knew a guy at work. I'm 22 he is 41. A very sexy man. Do u think he will have something with me after sex. We decided to be friends with benefits. He is in a relationship with a 31 years old . We planned to have sex this weekend. Do you think is a good idea?I feel afraid to fall in love with this man. He doesn't love anyone. .. But I do want have sex with him. He is really handsome.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 He knows the ladies think he is sexy and he uses it to get sex from girls. Simple as that. It is not that he is incapable off love he just loves having sex with lots off different girls at the moment to settle down.
No he won't have anything after sex with you, he will just have you as another one ticked off from a large list off women. Honestly all that this man is likely to give you after sex is a nasty infection!!
Him deciding to be friends with benefits is his way off saying he wants to have sex with you but that is it, nothing more. He is in a relationship, therefore why on earth would you consider sleeping with him? Do you not care if you hurt another women? Do you not care if people look at you and point and say ohh look that is that young girl who sleeps around with girls men!?
Just because he is handsome does not mean it is a good idea to have sex with a taken man. Have a bit more respect for yourself and for his girlfriend and tell him you are not interested!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 January 2017):
 No, I don't think he will have something with you after sex. Except more booty calls - maybe.
I wonder why do you ask : didn't you say that " you decided to be friends with benefits ". So, if you decided to be friends with benefits, in the sense that you were part of the decision making process and you worked out together the best solution for both... then, why would you even change that and / or have more than what you decided.
I think that I can answer my own question: because you did not decide anything. HE decided that you are good for a sexual romp, as a distraction and a novelty, - and this is all that he is offering you , and that you can have from him ( as long as it does not interfere with his main relationship with the 31 y.o. )
And you are eager to get what he offers, even if it's NOT what you want, because a) perhaps you think that " a little something is better than nothing " ( a rather desperate frame of mind but , hey, I am not pointing fingers, most of us went through the desperation route at some point . Just saying. ) and b ) because you naively hope that somewhow you'll make him change his mind and catch feelings for you.
Ha ! That never works. Well, maybe not never, - never say never. But statistically the odds are strongly against you, so if you have a bit common sense you'll let your brain prevail over your hormons and give him a miss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2017): I did exactly what YOU did.Years later, I am still IN LOVE with him and he is STILL using me.And I have never experienced this level of emotional pain and hurt and anxiety in my whole entire life. Most days, I feel like an emotional wreck.Easiest solution?DON'T START!It is all an illusion you are getting sucked into.You will pay dearly for it someday. By then, it will be too late. You will be a bitter and broken woman.A few moments of sex ain't worth it. What is best is having meaningful sex with a man who loves you. Has an emotional connection. A man who will MAKE LOVE to you and not just fuck you like you are a prostitute. That does not feel good.You will feel used and disgusted in yourself. You are NOT special. He would say YES just as easily to the next girl who made herself available. Do you want to go around always looking over your shoulder wondering who else he is fucking? But you don't see that now because you are in the fantasy phase and likely won't listen to any of us.But someday you will see that we were right.Some lessons are learned the hard way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): No, the odds are against anything accept he's having sex with a younger woman who made herself available for it.
Why are you seducing a man who has a girlfriend? You have no real feelings, you're just being a homewrecker. You just decided you wanted to have sex with him, because you think he's sexy. Why should he have feelings for you when he's just cheating and unavailable?
The typical outcome is so predictable it's a joke. He'll bed you, and then dump you. He may dabble again if you stay after him. He has little respect for you. You're just an opportunity he won't pass-up.
He will not leave his established relationship on a whim, for someone who is just sex on the side. At best it will be very awkward at work from here on; once you realize you mean nothing to him.
Enjoy yourself. I hope you can live with the karma.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 *he has a girlfriend and a decent person would stay away from someone in a relationship.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 If being handsome is your only criteria for having sex with someone then sure why not? BUT "he can't love anymore (red flag)
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 January 2017):
 Bad bad idea.
1. He is in a relationship with a 31 years old. (you wrote so in your post) Why would you have an FWB when he ALREADY had a partner of sorts?
2. He doesn't really give a shit about anyone but himself. He thinks you are good enough to have sex with but that is it. YOU can be "used" so to speak.
3. You work together. HOW awkward is THAT going to be? And guess what? If this leads to hurt feelings on your point, who would the company let go? *hint hint* it's you.
OK so he is handsome, SO what? He has absolute no reason to treat you with respect and he won't. He doesn't want to sleep with you because you are a someone he cares about - you are just another notch on the bedpost.
IS he by any chance the "Office Romeo" ? You know the guy who chats up ALL the younger girls in hopes that ANY of them will bite and have sex with him... Creeper.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): If you want to have sex with him ofcourse you can but don't expect anything more like love or a lasting relationship and certainly no marriage because the age diffrence is too great and could pose a lot of problems. My advice find someone near your age. There are a lot of other handsome young men close to your age.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 January 2017):
He hasn't a girlfriend, so if you're a decent person, you won't have anything to do with him. He may be handsome, but he has an ugly personality. You know he's in a relationship, so don't be a nasty person and help him cheat by having sexual contact with him.
Not only that, but if he'll think about cheating on his current girlfriend, he'll have no problems cheating on you.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (28 January 2017):
 Sweetheart, you are young and free. Why are you wasting time and energy on someone nearly twice your age who, worse still, is already in a relationship? Would you like someone hitting on your bloke if you were in a relationship? How would it make you feel? Put yourself in that poor woman's shoes.
This bloke may be sexy and attractive on the OUTSIDE, but he is a scumbag on the inside - where it matters. He knows you are attracted to him and is happy to "favour you" with sex.
You say he doesn't love anyone. Are you seeing this as a challenge and thinking you can "fix" him? Did you have to fight for affection during your childhood and this feels familiar to you?
You are worth so much more. You do not have to settle for sex from a middle-aged egotistical lothario. If you do go ahead with this - and I do understand how strong an emotion lust can be, especially in one so young - then I promise you, you will be left feeling dirty and used and will live to regret it.
I do hope you have the strength and self respect to kick this offer to the gutter, where it belongs. If not, please make sure you use barrier contraception because he is probably doing this with other women as well and, when you sleep with him, you sleep with all of them. Don't leave yourself open to catching STDs from him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 He is in a relationship, all he wants from you is sex. If he was interested in more with you then he wouldn't already have a partner.
You are setting yourself up for a whole lot of heartache, if this gets out in the workplace who do you think people are going to point the finger at? Not the guy in the committed relationship that's for sure, you are the one who is going to have to carry the can, and if you are wondering what can I am talking about it is the can that used to be in the little house way down the back of the garden!
Your reaction to him can be explained by science or chemistry, his pheromones are in overdrive and your hormones are going haywire.
Are you no better than a dog in heat?? Because that is how you are acting.
Do you really think having sex with him this weekend is a good idea ... sexual liaisons in the workplace are NEVER a good idea. Keep your legs together even if he cant keep his old fella in his pants.
Try thinking things through to their logical conclusion.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 January 2017):
 Terrible idea.
'Do you think he will want something with me after sex? We've decided to be Fwb'
FWB is a polite way of saying you're not relationship material but I'm happy to have sex with you. Also he has a girlfriend so why don't you apply a bit of common sense to see that this guy is a cheating waste of time?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): This is a very bad idea, he is in a relationship so he is not free to be having sex with anyone else, and he is planning to cheat on his partner and make you his mistress. This is a huge bad idea.
you should feel afraid to fall in love with this man, he isn't free to love you, he just wants to use you. Run away from this man and find someone single.
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