A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The guy I've been dating for awhile is often late. . I'm not talking 10 minutes , I mean anywhere from 45 mins to over an hour. I'm a very punctual person so habitual latesness is my pet peeve. I've tried to tell him about this but it never goes well. He doesn't apologize , kind of has the attitude 'I'll get there when I want too and you can just be happy I'm coming". That's the vibe I get. It is infuriating to me. He was going to come the other night with dinner at 7:00. What a surprise, he was running late. (He's home doing nothing btw). I knew by the time he got ready , picked up dinner and made the 40 min drive over to my house it would be near 9:00. That's too late for me to eat really , and considering I was hungry at 6 plus I have to get up early the next day for work. I told him this and he just gets mad at ME. . Basically he's bringing me dinner so I guess I should just be thankful. Well I'm not. I hate waiting on someone , being in limbo and not knowing when they are coming. It's rude and inconsiderate to me. I have started to think that he likes knowing I'm waiting on him. Like a passive aggressive form of control ? He tells me I'm not on his " level of life" and that me complaining about his lateness is immature and my expectations, desires are unparalleled with his" whatever ... where I'm from being on time is a sign of respect,reliability and consideration. I could just scream I'm so mad at him. I've never experienced such rudeness not just from him being late, but what he has to say when I've confronted him and told him how it made me feel..... advice???
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (18 November 2016):
I will give him the taste of his own medicine. Be late and see how he likes it when you get dinner on your way to wherever you go to the next day. It will make him realize that you don't like it when he is late from getting out of work and picking up dinner. I don't blame you for not wanting to eat late at all. But he shouldn't be so mean about it when you ask him if he is in his way. And asking where is he also. Snipping and giving you attitude will make day worse for u both.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2016): Heres a handy tip that will help you to prevent getting stomach ulcers in the future.
When someone says "lets do lunch/dinner" etc and you know they are flaky or dont give a damn if you end up with stomach ulcers from all those digestive juices eating away at your empty gut then you can treat yourself to a predinner probiotic yoghurt.
There are loads of good ones at very reasonable prices in supermarkets and corner shops with non advertised labels which make it a necessity rather than a luxury.
That way if you wait on you wont get ulcers and your stomach will thankyou for ever!
I got the feeling your boyfriend was after doing dinner and a long night of passion so cancelling was the smartest thing you could have done if you needed to get up for work the next day.
And besides, who needs stomach ulcers.
They hurt like hell the longer you ignore them!
As do men who think you should shag them till 4am and get up for work at 6am the next morning.
They need a plastic doll not a woman!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2016): I don't blame you for not wanting to eat at nine when he is running late to bring the food to your place talk about rudeness and he is giving u attitude, When u said you don't like it when he is late with dinner. That is even more rude. I also agree with what slippers said. I would order up food and be on the phone with avfriend. The next time give him the same medicine he gave you. Be late and see how he likes it. It might make him see how rude it is to make you wait 45 to a hour
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 November 2016):
 So he is never late for work or appointments, but can't be bothered to be on time with you?
To me, it just says a lot of how he prioritize and OP, you are on the bottom of the totem pole.
He gets mad because he doesn't like to be reminded of him being disrespectful. I'd say too bad. he feels no remorse for HIS actions and only anger when you pointed it out.
And I'd consider if this is a "flaw" you can live with or not. If you don't, then end it. He will NOT change.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 It looks like he is pushing your buttons. He has no respect for you therefore I would just end it and save all the waiting around and heart ache.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): You really are not compatible at all and every nerve and fibre is yelling at you to notice this fact and put yourself out of all your future misery and end it with him.What is so easy for an outsider to see, will become increasingly difficult for you to accept, the further forward you go with him.He is not speaking to you or treating you respectfully and this will just get worse, not better.If you can cut out now so much the better.You are looking for a man who is considerate to you in every way including your sex life, your communication, your eating times and genuinely being pleased to see you and be with you so that you could really envision a future together.Meanwhile you will battle on like two ram goats, each feeling that the other is a substandard disaster zone.But dont just take my word for it!You have to really feel that it is an irredeemable mess in order to be able to let go once and for all and you may have locked horns for too long to let go.I'm not saying you lack femininity with this expression, I am just saying that you have unwittingly entered a serious conflict zone and life together might be like holding hands and walking through a minefield.If only you had a partner who could waltz you through a cornfield it would be so much more romantic!The problem is that you have already invested so much of yourself already into the relationship that you may be reluctant to end it simply because he has a certain hold over you and xmas is already on the calender.Bear in mind that considerate men do exist and feel guilt free when you finally meet one.If you hang in there for whatever reason then be aware that this pattern of behaviour can repeat long past deadlock and stay as true to yourself as you can.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 Well, he IS being rude and inconsiderate - particularly because he is never late to other appointments so he can't even give the excuse that he is a bad planner. Maybe you could retrain him by giving him a taste of his own medicine, as other posters suggest, or by some other stratagem, but personally in your shoes I would not have the patience. If I have to teach a grown up man how to be minimally civil- then he is not the right companion for me.
As a matter of fact, I don't quite really believe that people can be SO bad at planning or forgetful or what not, to be always late- to me it just means they don't care / they cannot bother . Everybody can show up in time when it is important to them- when they care enough.
Like ,.. I don't know, surfers. Laid back people lounging around on the beach smoking pot, no watch on the wrist. In theory. In practice, they are always consulting their isobar charts and weather reports and high tide schedules or whatnot , to know WHEN it's the best time to catch the waves in a certain place. They know that if they oversleep or get distracted , they'll miss the best possible surfing experience so there they are, nice and sharp .at X time.
Well, of course s..t happens. Everybody can get stuck in the mother of all traffic jams , or whatnot ( but they can always text you that they are running late ...)- but , if it happens more than statistically probable, I'd be inclined to consider it simply like an " In your face, b...h ! ".
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (15 November 2016):
I would order my own dinner and be on the phone with a friend when he next calls that late .. I also wouldn't be taking whatever you may think you have with his seriously ..let him wait for you .. see how he likes the shoe on the other foot .. its like he knows he has you .and you'll accept any crumbs he gives .. so if me before turfing his butt out of my life ..
I would give him a run for his money .. stop making yourself available .. treat him with the same discord he treats you .. If he late in answering texts leave the same amount of time .. I know it kinda childish but if he raises it .. just say well your doing it .. why can't I .. or that you detest people who moan about things they do themselves ..
And oo yea start looking for someone nicer .. chin up sweetie
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (15 November 2016):
I would order my own dinner and be on the phone with a friend when he next calls that late .. I also wouldn't be taking whatever you may think you have with his seriously ..let him wait for you .. see how he likes the shoe on the other foot .. its like he knows he has you .and you'll accept any crumbs he gives .. so if me before turfing his butt
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 November 2016):
 He isn't apologising or changing his behaviour so he's clearly not bothered. This sounds like a deal breaker for you so I think you know what the next step is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): I'm the OP. Thanks for the reply. I did take a rain check, he didn't come over. He was mad that I was upset over his lateness, which to him is "immature". He is NEVER late to work or appts. Usually 15-20 minutes early.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): You're only dating, and you've encountered a red-flag. So this is an apparent deal-breaker.
You don't really have a right to change or modify the behavior of another adult. Unless you are a licensed and accredited-professional qualified and hired to do so.
If you've dealt with all that you've described in your post, why bother? Dump him! Why are you going through all this drama?
Seriously?!! Clearly he's the wrong guy!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 November 2016):
This is who he is and he has NO inclination of changing that. So, you have to decide is that a guy I want to date or not.
Personally, I HATE people who are late for no reason whatsoever. I'm usually early, but I can handle someone being late by 10-15 minutes of traffic is horrible or there IS a good reason.
I would have told him BEFORE he left his house that you would have to take a rain check. For you to sit for 2 hours and wait to eat dinner? It's just not something I'd be willing to accept.
And OF COURSE, he got mad at you for not being OVERJOYED that he showed up at all.
Is he also late for work? Or is just you that is shown so little consideration? If it's the first, nothing you can do or say will change his behavior. If it's the latter... I'd let him go because it will only get worse.
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