A
female
age
30-35,
*hunu
writes:Im from India working in a bank.I had a relationship with a colleague since last January..he has one friend or girlfriend i don't know with whom he spent a lot of time..now even after our relationship they talk over phone. Once i caught him he became angry and broke his phone. And he promised he will have no connection with her few months ago. I bought him a new phone.He told me that he blocked her. Even after that often whenever we are on a romantic date he keeps calling or sends message.yesterday when we were in new year celebration she again called..he refused to receive but i guessed it may be her calling and told him to receive in front of me.he spoke to her so nicely..then i was angry and he told me that i don't trust him.There is now no relationship between us...and he broke the phone again..i came home alone..he called me from different no.. I blocked him.. Please suggest what to do..as im forced to meet him as he is my colleague at work and i am absent from my office today as i don't want to face him ..please suggest quickly
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female
reader, Stephsav76  +, writes (2 January 2017):
Very hard, I've been in the same situation, the guy I was with meet another girl from work, I was absolutely deverstated, in the end I went of work sick for one month then I left. There's only two ways for you, ask for a transfer or handle it but it's going to be hard facing him everyday.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): Whatever you do you must not buy him another phone.Spend the equivalent amount of money on yourself but you do not need to buy him a phone as you did not break it.Presumably you see him at work every day and you think this other female is his intended future bride which would make you his day to day partner without any future prospects.But are you sure this is the case?If you have overreacted you still dont buy him a phone!This is the second time this has happened but you backed down before.Avoiding work wont help.If you want to have affairs with a work colleague you have tobe tough.So far its just a big argument and you applying a bit of emotional pressure which is a waste of time if its going to prevent you going to work.Being strong to act weak isn't that effective.Remember that you have your own worth and he will remember it too.She called him and he refused to answer but you insisted he talk and then got upset because he spoke nicely?This is all so far plus a broken phone a blocked call and a refusal to talk!Now you can't face work?Put a smile on your face and go back to work and if necessary put in for a transfer and don't date work colleagues again.Why was this man with you that night?Unless he wanted to be!But don't buy him another phone!It is crazy!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 January 2017):
 Ask for a transfer to another branch of your bank.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): Mr phone breaker is more concerned about his imagine than you think so I think you can understand that he will be worried about the office also.I think he will try to keep it quiet firstly and then go all out to be as nice as he can to you and everyone else!So go back to work and expect him to be on his best behaviour.You might as well look good but not over the top good. If you smile at everyone as you say good morning he will be secretly gutted in case another man also likes you.Tell everyone you had a lovely xmas and new year.As you are in such a close contact relationship you will probably get back together.If you want to break it off permanently you will need another job.Wear nice jewellery so people can say nice things like "That's a beautiful necklace!""Yes my great aunt gave it me!"Don't talk more personal than necessary for the job!
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A
female
reader, clueless8989  +, writes (2 January 2017):
There's no way you can avoid him since you both work at the same place. Just ignore him. Talk to him only work related. Otherwise, treat him as non-existent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): Happy new year to you sweetieYou need to learn to handle things in a more matured manner. Being over 26, means that you should use more of your rationality than you used to in the younger days. Somehow, you both sound incompatible as well as immature in your own ways. He breaks phones and doesn't know how to handle your jealousy in a nice manner. I think he's trying to dominate you by unnecessarily shaming you for feeling jealous. He is the type that plays mind games and expects his gf to act blind to any of his "extra-curricular" activities. He says you don't trust him. I say why should you trust unless he earns your trust? Should you automatically trust someone because he is your boyfriend? Ask him, as a girl how are you supposed to choose who you should not trust? So is it your duty to trust anyone who becomes your bf? If we have to trust blindly then why even date a person, just blindly marry anyone and keep trusting...Honestly speaking, if you had judged him and assessed him enough before you guys went from being colleagues to being a couple, you would have a good idea of how far you could trust him. i'm specifically saying this becuase girls in India these days give in to any guy who asks out and then crib about what a jerk he is. We know that in our society, so many men are just a bunch of horny asses who think they are super manly because they can score. So why not judge a man before you even date him. So that when you are in a relationship, there can be a certain minimum threshold of trust, where you don't have to freak out over each phone call he gets.Speaking of your relationship. Firstly, if it seemed to you like he was flirting and crossing the 'boundary' then best is to break off. No shaming, no cross questions asked. Plain and clear: His values and yours are different. Now if he was casually talking to a friend who happens to be a girl, you shouldn't really become possessive and even if you do, you could convey the same to him with sitting him down and talking about how you feel. A decent man who respects you will help you understand or maybe even introduce you to this friend. Breaking his phone over it shows that he's not emotionally stable to even handle a relationship and its complexities. Now since this relationship is over, pick yourself up smile and don't go back to him if he wasn't right for you. Do not get into the hate mode with him, create enmity and most importantly don't speak to your other coworkers about it. If he tries to spread any false words about you, warn him of consequences. A piece of advice: I personally believe that women who have restricted boundaries set for loyalty (including myself) should get into relationships with a guy who does not go out of his way to make unnecessary and time consuming sort of friendships with women. (like sending friend requests to unknown girls or quickly making friendships through parties or meet ups). According to me friendship makes sense when it begins as an innocent co incidence, I might sound too romantic here but I seriously think a friend should be someone you met in school or at work or at a hobby place and then you hung out, laughed, spoke about various things and became friends. But some cheap men go out of their way to make friends with pretty girls and get close to them, they just enjoy the gender friction and the slight possibility of sexual activities, which borders on cheating and promiscuous behavior.
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