A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex and I used to be best friends and then we decided to go out together. they were the best months until once he told me that he is afraid of commitment. he feels trapped when he is serious.at the same time he does not want to lose me. he didn't know what to do so i told him to remain friends and that is what we are right now. we talk a lot (not about our past relationship). the thing is i don't want to lose him. apart from that he's the best friend that i can trust, if not the only one. what can i do? is there a chance that one day will be together?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 Yes, there is a chance you might end up together. But it is just as likely that you will not end up together, and it is just as likely that you will end up with someone else as well.
You still haven't gotten over him, so you keep hoping you and him can be together. But for now, just take one day at a time and keep your options open, don't turn any other man down. You can't wait around "just in case" your best friend changes his mind about relationships and you.
Simplified, I believe that men aren't ready for a relationship/commitment until they've reached a certain stage mentally. Before they are at that stage they are not sure about things. When they reach that stage, the first and best woman they come across will do. So nothing is set in stone, he might not be ready for commitment at the mental stage he is at now, and he might never be ready. But then again one day he might be. It's just impossible to say.
Which is why you should take it one day at a time with him, don't add any meaning into things he does or says, or try to push for anything. And at the same time, remind yourself that you are now single, and free to date new men. Which is exactly what you should do, start dating again. You can't keep waiting for someone who might or might not change his mind about being with you.
Besides, you will look a lot more attractive to him once he sees you aren't going to come running when he calls, that you aren't some lap dog. If you wait around for him he'll lose interest and respect for you. You've got to move on.
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