A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:this is a very sad story and i am completely torned apart.. I have been together with my guy for over 1.5 years.. We met through some friends. Initally as every other relationship things between us were heavanly.. But we both started of the relationship as a distant one. he lived in another country cause of his education and me in another.. He eventually moved back home when he was done but i am still abroad.. We started to have many downs in the relationship as soon as he moved back home again, but this is not the main issue.. Last night i had the worst fight in my life. i am actually crying even now. I have been nothign but an amazing girlfriend, SO loyal and so kind hearted towards him. He was my first guy to have sex with too.. the story: I went to his parents place and met up with his family. its not the first time, but this time his brothers wife ( whom was part of introducing us, but i am only close to her sister and not her) was there too. Since his famly ( mom and dad) have treated me really nice it wasnt any problem for me to stay over for couple of days. We stayed at his brothers appartment during the nights and did what ever during the evenings.. His brothers wife is my friends sister and she is a real gossiper and while i was there she talked non-stop about his other brothers wife to me. I told this to my guy but he brushed it off by saying: she is just opening her heart out!! he always defends her.. always.. Then this happened: i talked to my sister some weeks ago and she told me that she had been hearing from his brothers wife sister ( my friend) that i had been sleeping with my guy. my sister got really mad at my friend and then my friend changed the story bu saying that he sister had said that i had slept over at their place with my guy. The thing is that being a virgin till marriage is an important thing in our culture.. but since i thought my guy was IT for me, i gave it to him.. I told my guy about this entire situation last night and hell broke lose. He said that he didnt care and that it was understandable that two sisters among themsleves were talking ( his brothers wife and her sister, which is alo my friend), and that it was my friends fault who told my sister about it. i tried to make him udnerstand that his brothers wife doesnt have the rigth to interfere but he just flipped and started to curse SO much. he made me look like i was NOTHING for him.. he went on and on.. he said that i had NO right to offend his family and his brothers wife by lying about her trash talking me and then he went on by trash talking my sister. saying that if i can trash talk his brothers wife then so should he. I cant describe the pain he put me through.. i was quiet the entire time but made my point acrossed by some words explaining that what he did was unforgivable and that he should be ashamed of himself...but the pain.. it doesnt go away.. he called me a whore and said that i ment nothing to him.. he threatend me by saying that if i ever "trash talked" his brothers wife or any other of his family that i would have my honor worth nothing in my families eyes.. that he would hurt me so much i would be hospitilized.. i am crying so much now.. i dont deserve this.. i have been nothign but good towards him.. i dont know what to do, even thuogh i should know.. i am so torned apart.. i really need advice on this one.. a helpful hand.. i havent been able to fully explain the entire situation and it might be confusing understanding which is which, but i hope someone can advice me on what to do.. Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Nur, thanks for you answer.. I know what u mean about values.. But i know i value myself more than he will ever.. and i agree with what you said: because he knows how important remaining a virgin till marriage is in our culture he is using this against me in the worst way. I am very close to my faith, but being a virgin or not is more about a personal choice which i will stand for and take responsibility for.. I love him still.. But you are right, if he loved me BACK, he would respect me and not treat me this badly. i just dont understand why he did this to me.. i keep asking myself WHY WHY WHY since last night.. but i will keep my head up high.. i didnt do anything wrong and i havent once gone as low as he has by insulting his family or himself.. thanks for ur time answering and helping out.. really thanks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis parents have treated me like their daughter-in-law since day one.. his dad and my dad were really close friends back in times.. but its really not about his family´s view on me.. its the way he treats me over his brothers wife.. defending her behaivour.. I am pretty sure his parents knows we are bonded physically and till this day there hasnt been any problem about that bit of our reltionship.. till now i mean.. i just dont understand why he behaived that way towards me.. i know i should ask him. that is what seems to be the best thing. but there is NO way i can do this cause there is no communication left between us.. i lost a great part of myself last night while losing all respect for him.. i am so hurt.. but thanks for ur comment.. i appreciate it a lot.. thanks..
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (28 November 2008):
 Sounds like has strong family ties. Maybe he is also worried that if word gets out amongst the family that he has been in a sexual relationship with you, it could cause a lot of trouble. Do you think his parents may have someone else lined up for him to marry. Only suggesting there. It sounds strange that he is kicking off like this. Maybe he felt safe with you in another country because no one needed to know what you were doing and now its real life at home. There are lots of what if's here and you can only get to the bottom of the truth by asking him why he is behaving like this. hope this helps.
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