A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:sorry if this is a little complicated. im 20 and i started a part-time bar job 7 months ago and got really close to a guy called Dan whos 24. we just clicked and got on really well. i didnt do anything about it because he had just started seeing a girl called rachel who also works there so i pushed my feelings to the back of my mind and just got with things because i knew nothing would ever happen. i starting liking another guy from work but things didnt work out so i was just happy being single for a bit. but then the other week i went out with dan, rachel, and a couple of other friends and dan and rachel seemed to have had an argument. it was then that Dan convided in me that they had been having some problems for the past month, things like she doesnt talk to him about things, they cant just sit and chat for hours as run out of things to say, and they're so different (as come from completely different cultures). i told him to just talk to her about it otherwise things would just escalate and would be even worse if not sorted out.a group of us went to the cinema and rachel seemed to be in a bad mood and wasnt talking to anyone. we had all been drinking so the rest of us just continued having fun (i tried to talk to rachel but she just said nothing was wrong). anyway, i ended up falling asleep in the cinema (combination of drink, bad film, and being tired) and woke up to find dans arm around me even tho rachel was sat on his otherside. i know it was because he was drunk and i felt so guilty.the next day dan said me and him needed to talk so we went to a pub after work and he told me about all his problems with rachel and that she thinks something is going on between me and him. he then said that he had feelings for me and had done for the past 5 months but as he had just got together with rachel he wanted to make a go of things with her but now he didnt know how he felt or what to do. i didnt know what to say because rachel is also quite a good friend of mine so i said he needs to sort out things with her.problem is this completely screwed up my head and brought all my old feelings flooding back and i like him so much. i went round his house (as his housemate is one of my best friends) and we were all just watching dvds and dan started holding my hand. i felt guilty again so told him we needed to have a proper chat so we met up the next day.wen we did, i told him i really like him too and i always have but pushed it aside because he was with rachel. he told me how he wants to be with me because we are so similar, get on so well, and can talk for hours on end and never run out of things to say, but feels he owes it to rachel to make a go of things with her and he still has feelings for her but not as strongly as they used to be. i told him how i think hes better off with her anyway and he told me not to be so stupid but didnt want me to wait for him and if i find someone else then i should go for it. i just laughed and said like thats going to happen. anyway we almost ended up kissing but i backed away saying we couldnt and that i should leave.when i got home he text me saying that hes really into me and he knows its going to be hard for both of us but we've just got to be patient and try not to let ourselves get carried away.i dont know what to do because i can feel myself falling for him .... please help
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best friend, drunk, kissing, text Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Jmo  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Yup, he's playing you both. I should know, I'm in his role.
-Jmo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): If he knows so much that he doesn't want Rachel.....then why hasn't he broken up with her? It sounds like he is playing you both. I am sorry.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 Dan liked you first but you were cold to him and he went for Rachel.But he found her not suitable .
He wants you and not Rachel. You did not go and entice Dan. I don't call that cheating.At this moment , he loves you more than Rachel.
If you feel it is cheating , then don't do it .
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (23 January 2008):
 Don't be stupid. Get him to break up with his g/f before you even touch him, because your just be the other woman otherwise. My sister was in a sitation like yours, the guy had a g/f but they got along so well. Anyway she found out later that he was seducing two other girls at the same time as her. If he shows no respect for his g/f, why do you think he won't cheat on you?
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A
female
reader, lynnb84 +, writes (23 January 2008):
Tell him how much you like him, and that your falling for him, but you dont want to do anything behind rachels back. If he wants to give it a go with you, he must first finish it with her. If he doesn't finish with her then forget about him, if he will then you need to talk to rachel and tell her that you and dan both have feelings for each other, but you haven't acted on them because he was with her. Dont get with him straight away though giv it time for the break up to blow over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaura1318 - are u saying not to hold back then and to cheat with him and see what happens?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (23 January 2008):
Swim with the tides and don't fight against it. Just follow where the current leads you.
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