A
male
age
41-50,
*en2906
writes:my new partner hates my children!!! I have been with my partner for 3 years we have 2 little girls together. i was previously married and have 2 children with my ex wife i see them once a fortnight friday to sunday. when they come to stay all we do is row she says i put them before her and she is 2nd best she hates them and does not want me to see them anymore and if i loved her i would not see them. she has stopped me having contact with them during the week my son who is 9 now has a mobile phone so its not like i have to speak to the ex wife to talk to them. I thought it would pass but it just seems to get worse. she talks to her family about it but the advice they give her is one sided as they thought she was stupid for getting with someone who already had children which makes things even worse. all i want to do is have a life with her and our girls but also be a father to my other children i feel i have done all i can to make her feel invoved when the come to stay i am at breaking point now i really dont know what to do.can somone please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): why is this even up for debate? How dare she presume to tell you that if you loved her you'd stop seeing your children! This is not porn, or havin a perve, or any other topic that someone could be upset over. These are your kids! How would she feel if they turned around and said 'dad if you love us you'd dump her' grow a pair. Stand up for yourself! She needs mental help. How she could even consider telling or even asking you to stop seeing your children is beyond me
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 July 2010):
 I feel sorry for you being stuck in the middle of a horrible situation. Basically your priority are your children. Your partner knew you had a past and children when she committed to you. It is clearly time that you stood up to her as she is an emotional bully. I would not have your children in the home if she is being verbally abusive. They maybe emotionally unsettled already so explore alternative methods of contact - could you take them to the grandparents house for the weekend? Your partner sounds very immature and jealous. You need to set out the terms of your future relationship (if it exists). It should involve mutual counselling with relate or a similar organisation to discuss the family tensions in a neutral setting. If she refuses, I would seriously question the future of your relationship together. You must put your children first as they need a father.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): AfterGlow put it perfectly.
-.-
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male
reader, Afterglow  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Dude REALLY??? I cant'...I simply can't respond in that motherly, nurturing way that some women on this site are able to do, so effectively.
MAN to MAN...what the hell is your Problem?? It's punk ass men like you who have fu#ked up the lives and well being of SO MANY undeserving children!! Help me understand, at what point did you entertain that it was ok to STOP BEING A MAN!!
How DARE you even let someone question your loyalty and devotion to ALL of your children. Dude, they didn't get a choice on picking you as their DAD. So, how could you even consider altering your relationship with them based on the irrational insane behavior and ideas of someone you are sleeping with. More so, you decided to have two additional children with this woman.
Bro, the bond, relationship, ties, connection, or whatever defines your attachment to your kids IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE with ANYONE.
Being a father is the MOST IMPORTANT job and responsibility you will have in your life. Hell, the effects of your parenting will have results that manifest long after you've been put six feet under. Long after you and your partner split up( and you WILL split up if she continues to show selfish, self-centered, manipulative disrespectful behavior) you will STILL be a father to your children. Now, do you want to be a father that your children can feel security and pride in? Or, do you want to be a father that is resented and dismissed.
It's evident that you weren't close with your own father. No man who grows up bonding with and adoring his own father would even entertain the idea of forgoing his own child's sense of security and adoration. You may say that you haven't done that. But let me assure you that the very act of NOT PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN when it comes to standing up for your relationship with your kids is the act of a Father who is not passionate about his kids.
You have to know how important it is for a child to feel that he/she has full access to dad. You have to know that. Whether or not your partner knows it( I couldn't give a sh*t) but I know that YOU know it.
Dude ANY person that makes you choose between them and your children is a person that cares more about their own ego and insecurity than about your well-being and sense of responsibility. Is that what you want in a partner?
Excuse my harsh response. I am very sensitive to this topic. I spent many a weekend, as a kid, with my bag packed, waiting in the window, for my dad to come pick me up for his weekend visitation, only to have him no-show. As a grown man, that and other father/son issues have left a scar. Now, he is old and sick and reaching out. "Cat's in the Cradle"
I am recently married. My ex partner's niece and nephew are my godchildren. While my ex and I are not together, I still remain close with her family. Every other weekend, my godchildren have stayed with me. We take trips and do other family oriented activities. I have been placed in the position of an additional caregiver/ surrogate father, if you will. Anyway, when I was dating my new wife, she knew about them and my devotion to them. Whether or not she had an issue with it was not even up for discussion. After we married, the children still spend time in our home. She knows were I, vehemently, stand regarding my godchildren...MY GODCHILDREN and you are talking about your BIOCHILDREN. There should be NO DEBATE, NO DISCUSSION, when it comes to you being a proper father to your children. You should NEVER allow this woman and ANYONE else to alter or jeopardize your connection to your children. MAN UP!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): You shouldnt have stopped talking to your children through the week firstly, and in any case your kids should come before your new wife in a sence. Instead of caring how she feels think about the pain your kids are going through. Thinking daddy doesnt love them as much as his new family, that they arnt good enough. You need to either leave this woman, or lay down the law, because your children deserve to have their father.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Just wanted to add, it seems that perhaps you were married to a woman and your new partner is a gay man. The same advice applies, there are Borderline Personality Disordered Men, too, what ever is his deal, get away from him, think of your kids and put them first...he certainly doesn't want to be in their lives, so help him out and kick him out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): I agree whole heartedly with Caring Guy. This woman will d psychological damage to your children, she is a horrible person let alone step mother material.
She is extremely self centered not to mention immature. Look up borderline personality disorder, or read the article posted on here "Relationship Red Flags"...there are some website links for help, or check out psychologist4men site....This woman is never going to change her ways, she's incapable of it.
Run like your hair was on fire, and change the locks and your phone number as she will try to suck you back in, or even start to stalk you or get even with you...she's dangerous...the signs are all there.
Think of your children if you are addicted to the sex, or her as you most likely are, these women do a big mind game on your head and destroy your sense of reality and self.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Your children haven't just suddenly appeared, your partner, knew they were there from the start, she knew what she was getting into, when she met you. Tell her in no uncertain terms, you are not giving up your other children, she has got to step up to the plate, and accept that they are part of your lives.
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female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Ok, I'm going to try and put this nicely... To me she sounds like a selfish bitch.
They are your children! She knew what she was letting herself in for when she got together with you. I'm sorry, but if she can't except that they are a part of your life then I personally don't think you should be together.
Ask her how she would feel if she had a new partner and he told her she couldn't see her children.
I think she is being completely irrational about it. Children should always be more important than a relationship with someone else. Think about how they would feel if you stopped seeing them just because you have a partner that doesn't like them.
I know that first sentence probably sounds a little harsh but that's the first thing I thought after reading this.
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female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Tell her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Parents love their kids more than anything.
Do not stop seeing your kids, ever! They want to see you and she is being out of order and selfish.
Tell her you wont stop seeing your kids, and if she doesnt like it, she can leave.
If she loves you she would put up with it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 July 2010):
This is a woman you should not be with. How dare she suggest that you don't love her if you see your old kids. I hate to tell you this, and you might not like it, but it's time to man up and kick this partner's ass out. Your other kids will hate you of you don't get her out. She's dully of crap, and you'll hurt your kids unless you leave her. She won't change at all. Leave her, and make sure you get full parental rights over all your kids.
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