A
female
age
41-50,
*iera
writes:So my relationship with my boyfriend has been dodgy for some time. We have been together 10 years. He's away a lot on business so our time together is really limited.To cut it as short as possible, I am an animal lover and would give any creature a home if I could. I had 2 dogs and 4 cats, of which one of my cats died recently after being ill for 2 years. My cats sister was pining so badly for her that I decided to get her a mate in the hopes that she would perk up. She wasnt eating and was so in herself it was heartbreaking to watch. Anyway, he came in one night (we dont live together) to find the new kitten. He called me a nutter, ate his dinner and went home. This was Sunday. Since then he wont speak to me, or take any of my calls or emails.For those of you who are not animals lovers, this may seem like a stupid question, but I have always been brought up with them, and they are such giving and loving creatures.My question is, is this a mature way to act, or was I wrong in getting a mate for my cat?I suffer terribly with depression and my animals really do help me. He knows this!Am I wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Kiera +, writes (29 May 2008):
Kiera is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just so that you know, as difficult as what it may be, I wont call him. Call it stubborn but he wants to sort it out, he can come to me.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 The Australian aborigines called it the 'Walkabout!'
They simply disappear to walk somewhere into the jungles and then emerge again after sometime.
Just give him some space and he will call you again.
Don't call him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Ah this is a common problem. Kittenophobia.
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A
female
reader, Kiera +, writes (29 May 2008):
Kiera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice! I dont think the kitten is the issue either since I had 4 cats, lost one and now have 4 cats again. Numbers havent changed!
The problem is that I am trying to open the bridge to communication and he isnt. I have tried to contact him several ways, none of which he is answering.
I just feel that if he doesnt want to communicate, then there is no point continuing a relationship. I love him dearly, but sometimes, I dont like him!
Thanks again for the insight!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 May 2008):
It is a storm in a tea cup and it will soon blow over.
If your love is strong , nothing will separate you too.
Just sit it out till the storm pass over.
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A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 I'm an animal lover too so I totally understand.
I think what the other aunts have said is pretty accurate. He's either jealous of the attention you give to your pets or he's acting out because of some other issue. I think you two should work on communication and see if you can get to the root of this problem. Maybe since the time you have together is so limited, he feels that another pet just distracts you from him, and you have even less time together? Or maybe the relationhsip in general is suffering because of this limited time? If he acts out immaturely about other small things - like being slightly late for a date, etc - I'd say there's definitely some underlying problems, and he needs to tell you what they are.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 I suspect the kitten is not really the issue - for your BF to have such a strong reaction to this there must be something more going on for him, and this has just been the straw that broke the camels back. Rather than try and defend you decision to get the new pet - which is probably just going to see the converstaion go round in circles and deteriorate into an arguement....I would suggest you try to approach your BF to see if he will talk to you about what he is feeling right now, hopefully if you don;t go in to "prove your point" (don;t get me wrong, I'm not saying what you did was a problem)he may be willing to engage in conversation with you. I'm not trying to freak you out and make you think this is some huge relationship drama...it may not be, but something more is going on here and it sounds like your communication has broken down. Try to let him talk without interruption if you can - really hear what he says, reflect it back to him so he knows you have heard. He may then be more receptive to what you have to say.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Well, I think it is a little over the top since he doesn't live with you. Perhaps he was waiting until you had a couple less pets (is he a pet person?) before asking you to move in with him, and you kinda crushed his plan. Either way, it is a little immature of him, sure.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Okay, I'm an animal lover too, so I understand your feelings about them. I don't know why he won't tell you exactly what's wrong but since he did call you a nutter, maybe we can guess that it's one cat too many? Are they spayed/neutered? Are their toilet arrangements keep odor-free? Is he allergic to them?
I know that some men would worry about a woman who seems to have too many cats, I'm not sure why exactly, but I expect they don't want to be seen dating a woman people call 'that crazy cat lady.' I'm not trying to be rude here, just coming up with some theories.
Maybe he does perceive that you care more about your animals than you do about him? I don't have the answer to that. You said your cat's sister was pining, wasn't the company of the other two cats comforting enough?
I don't have the answer for you, but I expect that he'll eventually contact you and tell you what's on his mind. It may have nothing to do with the cats, it may be another thing altogether, and he doesn't want to explain it now for some reason.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Ummmm well... maybe he feels that as you have gotten a new kitten, you may pay more attention to the kitten then him?
And he is worried that you will prefer your pets company rather than his?
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female
reader, Kiera +, writes (28 May 2008):
Kiera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did explain to him why I got another, but he still wont speak to me? I just dont understand what he's doing. He always knew how I felt about my animals, so knew that the package he was getting included a few feline and canine companions. I just dont get it!
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (28 May 2008):
I would explain to him why you bought another kitten?
Hope this helps
tasha x
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