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He has herpes...Did he cheat???

Tagged as: Cheating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 December 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I am asking for help on here because I don't want to tell my friends about this. My fiance was just diagnosed with herpes. I have been with my him for 5 years. We got engaged a year ago. He goes to school 100 miles away and comes home on weekends. He says he has not cheated on me, but I just don't know. He gets mad at me when I bring it up and says I have told you 1000 times I haven't cheated. I really want to believe him but I don't know what to think at this point. He does have alot of younger female friends at school that I don't know. And he studies with them and talks and texts them alot. He says he has never cheated on anyone in a relationship before. Please help!

View related questions: cheated on me, engaged, fiance, herpes, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010):

I feel it for you, I couldn't imagine what hell your going through. But you must remember, your still alive and you still have life to live, so live, don't exist! I wish you all the best and happiness for your future, you do have one, don't forget that.I just wanted to say that anything is possible, like finding the love of your life on Hsoulmate,com. I thought life was over when I found out I had till I found him on the site!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010):

I'm a medical person and the oldest person I've seen diagnosed with Herpes, who was in a stable relationship, was in her 60's, she'd had outbreaks for many years (40 years) on her thigh/buttock, but never knew she had herpes till a special swab was taken from the buttock.

You bf may or may not have contracted this from infidelity.

You may or may not have given it to him yourself.

So, you should get tested...there is a blood test...but just because you test positive doesn't mean that he gave it to you unless you have had no other sexual partners.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 December 2010):

chigirl agony auntYes what type of herpes does he have and where? And has he been regularly tested for this before or not? Because if this is the first time in 5 years he's been tested for it then it could be he's had it all through the relationship with you, or potentially that YOU had it and gave it to him? Have you been tested yourself? In either case you should, as you could be infected with it as well by now.

He could have gotten herpes by other means than having sex with someone.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2010):

DrPsych agony auntYou don't mention which type of herpes he has. If it is type 1 that usually expresses itself as cold sores then there is no evidence of cheating. Herpes type 1 is often acquired during childhood infection and people then go on to get cold sores during their lifetime, usually at times of illness or stress. Herpes type 2 tends to be sexually contracted, although technically it is caused by close skin to skin contact with an infected, active area. Many people with type 2 don't know they have it. It can remain dormant in your body for very many years with no signs or symptoms. When people are first acquiring type 2 they often just have vague flu-like symptoms and some sores which go away rather quickly. It can reoccur at times of stress or illness. Your partner may have got type 2 herpes a very long time ago, but only been recently diagnosed as a result of a breakout. Try not to judge him too harshly, but you should get checked out yourself if he has type 2. You should also take contraceptive precautions to prevent you from being put at risk of acquiring herpes.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (22 December 2010):

YouWish agony auntIt's quite possible that he hasn't cheated. Herpes can be latent for years before presenting symptoms. If you'd been with him for 25 years, I would have said that there was a better chance that he had cheated, but 5 years, and it could have been someone he was with before you.

Did he test clean for STD's before you got together with him? I'm guessing he didn't.

This isn't to say that he might not have cheated, but it's entirely possible that he got herpes before he met you but it was asymptomatic.

At any rate, get yourself tested immediately and demand condoms from here on out!

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