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He had sex with his ex. Do I forgive and forget?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 18 July 2012)
A female United States age 18-21, *alia9741 writes:

Ok My ex-boyfriend tryed to breakup with me, he said maybe we should be friends. But then I was saying sorry, so he said forget about everything. So he came over and I started crying, then he said he wouldn't leave me ect. Then we had sex, so then when i called him he started acting all funny, he came over and told me he was having guilty conscious, he told me that he started texting his ex. I was pissed, so when i called he was at home or answering his phone. When i finally talked to him he told me i need sometime to think, he kept trying to breakup with me. So one day when he talked to me, he didn't sound happy, he said I really need to see you. He drove me to work he said he messed up, he said he got drunk with his ex, and had sex at a park with her. I was so hurt, I couldn't stop crying. Then that same day I started cussing him out, Left work and he came to see me I was still crying. When I seen him i was talking to my friend, and she started talking to him. He then wanted to fix what happen etc. This ex was trying to play her role, she knew what she was doing and he fell for it. I took a smoke talked to him he said he wasn't feeling it with me no more. I was still hurt, so we met up, and I told him how I felt, about the whole thing, he realized finally that she was playing her role, and he showed me the text she sent him, about not being rude or anything or trying to sound like a hoe but i just wanna fuck with no strings attached. So i was pissed, but basically he said he need to work on himself, we taking a break, and he needs to explain this to his brother, because hes confused about who he with. So long story short do i forgive and forget, and if its meant to be just let him come back to me?

View related questions: a break, drunk, his ex, my ex, text

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (18 July 2012):

Thank you for posting the followups! With the new info that the relationship was having a bit of trouble before he slept with the ex, I definitely think the best thing to do is give him space. He needs to clear his head, and honestly it would also give you time to think and sort through your feelings. Let the dust settle a bit and see how he reacts and if he tries to get you back.

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A female reader, Talia9741 United States +, writes (18 July 2012):

Talia9741 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Talia9741 agony auntTo:A male reader, doublejack

He wasn't into her she was a rebound willing to have sex at a park. She sent him a message afterward saying I don't mean to be rude or sound like a hoe but I just want to fuck no strings attached. When I called her she lyed and said that wasn't suppose to happen. He cut her ass off, she didn't come around until things start getting bad between me and him. I couldn't keep my mouth closed, she was just somebodi to fuck, she came on to him, and he allowed the liquor to cloud his judgement.

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A female reader, Talia9741 United States +, writes (18 July 2012):

Talia9741 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Talia9741 agony aunt TO :A female reader, anonymous, writes:

We had issues into are realationship, he did everything he was suppose to do. It was just when things got bad he drowned his problems in drinking liqour, and she sent him this message after this happened...He cut her off for good.She was playing a game, and broke are realationship up.But it was more to the relationship, he thought he broke up with me because things wasn't working out. So he need time to thing basicly being confused. So he told me kept saying sorry etc.

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A female reader, MissTellAll United States +, writes (17 July 2012):

MissTellAll agony auntThere is way too much drama in this relationship, dear. The only logical thing I can see is to break it off, lose contact for a while and if he really, truly tries hard to get you back then go see what happens.

When I say he needs to try, I don't mean calling you crying or saying how he needs you- I mean taking active steps to prove he is above these shennanigans and prove that they will not happen again. Only them even cnsider being with him again.

If you do not take these steps to try to do this for.your own self-respect and this DOES continue, you will be disappointed to find you have no one to blame but yourself.

No one needs this in a relationship.

Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012):

Um, no.

He wasn't "tricked" into anything. Do you get drunk with your exes? He knew what he was doing, he just didn't give a damn. He tried to break up with you to abate his own guilty conscience and so he could probably continue fornicating with his ex girlfriend.

She sent him a text asking for sex with no strings attached and he still went over there? No. No.

Don't let him think that this behavior is okay, boys will push it to the limit until they know what you won't let them get away with, like a toddler. This isn't okay.

Don't be okay with this or the pattern will never stop, trust me.

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2012):

BettyBoup agony auntHold your head up and get on with your life. If this guy is worthy of you, he will have to prove it to you, big style. He sounds way to vague about whether he actually wants you and you deserve someone who's sure, right? Don't let him mess you around. Get on with your life. If its meant to be he'll come to his senses and will beg to work things out with you. If, not, keep moving on. You'll find someone better. There's plenty of good, loyal guys out there.

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (17 July 2012):

It sounds to me like this guy did try to be somewhat honorable with you. He felt guilty about reconnecting with his ex, so he tried to breakup with you. So I don't think he's trying to keep you as his gf and see her as side action. For whatever reason, though, it appears he is more into her. Was she the one that dumped him, do you know?

My advice is to definitely let go of him, at least for now. He's sleeping with his ex and attempted to end the relationship with you a couple of times. I would honor that rather than try to fight to keep him. If you still are in love then give him that space and see if he comes back. Just be aware that you can't repeatedly keep taking him back. He gets one second chance, no more! I also advise against waiting around forever. Give him time to miss you and think about things, but at some point you will have to move on.

Best of luck!

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (17 July 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThere's enough drama in this submittal such that I am CERTAIN that you and this guy need to find other partners..

Good luck...

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