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He gets horny over my baby bump. Is this normal?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2011) 15 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2011)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey. i am 4 months pregnant. i have been with my boyfriend for 12 months, however it is not his baby. he knows, he's accepted it (i think) and he forgave me for cheating on him.

anyway, now i am starting to get a bump. this seems to send my boyfriend crazy. he gets really horny. he strokes it and kisses it sometimes whilst touching his member. and now, during sex, just as about he is going to orgasm he makes me say "cum on my baby". it sends him nuts.

but, i dont know if it is, is that a little weird?

i mean in like 5 months he will be holding it. does he think like this?

has he totally forgiven me for my affair mistake?

View related questions: affair, horny, orgasm

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A female reader, svf Australia +, writes (9 August 2011):

svf agony auntDear OP,

Your follow up is wonderful - I am so glad that you sorted this out and have expressed everything together! You must feel so much better and reassured now. How helpful having an Uncle in the family who is a cousellor. I wish you the very best with your new baby and Simeon - nice name - and different too! All the best with your little one and your boyfriend.xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey guys. sorry its been a while. its been a bit hectic the last couple of months. i told my boyfriend if he was alright about raising a baby that wouldnt be his. he then just let his feeling go. he told me what was going on in his head. he was angry and very upset. i told him i felt uncomfotable about the "cum on my baby" thing. he apologised and has now stopped doing it, however he still does cum on it but im fine with that. we are the happiest we have ever been and as my uncle is sort of a counsellor he can always see him anytime if it gets to much.

BTW its a boy and he has picked the first name, Simeon and i am giving Simeon my BFs last name too.

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A female reader, svf Australia +, writes (17 June 2011):

svf agony auntThis is taking the 'getting turned on by a pregnant woman' thing to far. I have an 8 year old daughter and am 5 1/2 months pregnant, so I can appreciate the whole 'he is not the father of my child' apprehension. But in this instance, you have a problem with your boyfriend, as he is not treating the unborn baby or you with any respect. It is like asking a mother to say "you are welcome to blow on my daughter or son! Why is HE making you say these words, it is degrading to you and your unborn child.

If someone were to be taking it in that context, you could be wrongly accused of doing dreadful things to children. See how weird and strange these words would sound in a few more months time when the baby is in your arms? He sounds really weird and how awful to put you through these emotions when you are pregnant and maternal!

It is strange also, that he is OK with you being pregnant to someone else. I don't believe that he really is, as his words and actions are not normal. Also, most men are not that forgiving. He is obviously hanging around, so what is motivating him to do so...

As my boyfriend just said (after reading your post he asked me to add this):

"It's like you saying that you want me to cum on your daughter!" EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

It is the same mentality, he could do this to your baby when you aren't there and he is babysitting. Or, put like this, as a mother, how would you feel saying to him I want you to blow on my 2 year old daughter/son?

I KNOW that you are uncomfortably with what he is doing and I am worried about how YOU are feeling right now, as we are both in the same shoes, pregnant. My partner also added, that sort of stuff is rarely done by the real dads, and mainly this sort of stuff occurs with the step-dads. He is worried about you and thinks you should leave your boyfriend immediately - and he is a guy - as he's worrying about you and your baby! I know I sound a bit heavy, but I don't want you to end up another statistic. Take care love xoxoxo

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (17 June 2011):

dmartin89 agony auntI agree with the consensus that this is normal APART from the "cum on my baby bit".

It sounds like he has no fatherly feelings towards this baby, which is surprising considering that he isnt the father.

It really doesnt sound like issues have been resolved and I think its very important that you talk about it together, possibly facillitated by a couples councilor. It concernes me that you dont feel you are able to talk about this issue with your partner to his face, and that you cant tell him what you feel uncomfortable about; it doesnt sound like an open healthy relationship to me.

From his behaviour it sounds like he may also have some resentment towards you for your cheating and is now seing the baby as an enemy and "competition", even though he might not be conciously aware of it. It would be very strange for him NOT to have any minor negative feelings for the baby, seing as it is the result of your betrayal of trust.

You need to speak up about this. Is this the kind of relationship you want to bring your baby into? And if you dont feel you can..is this the kind of relationship you want to be in at all?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011):

I would watch out, if he likes ur baby now wait till the baby gets older... Sounds like he is a creeper...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011):

I agree, I thought it was 100% normal until you mentioned the 'cum on my baby', part. In my books, that is EXTREMELY wrong and just plain weird. I'm sure, if it was his baby he wouldn't be saying that, he shouldn't be saying that at all. I think you should think twice about this man. Sounds like to me he could have mental issues. OR, you cheating on him may have effected him A LOT more than you realize.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom + , writes (17 June 2011):

There’s a lot I could say-this is very strange behaviour indeed, but rather than express my views on what he is doing, the more important thing I wish to emphasise to you is that you mustn’t confuse acceptance of the pregnancy and the fact that you had sex with some-one else, with acceptance of the baby itself and the central role it will have in your life. He might accept and even take pleasure in the thought that you’ve had sex with some-one else and that you are pregnant, but that doesn’t mean necessarily that he wants the baby or is prepared to be a loving father figure for it. What do you want from him? A long-term relationship and a father or fatherly role-model for your child? If so, the apparent pleasure he takes in the thought of your having sex with another man, and the making the baby part of the sexual act really ought to set alarm bells ringing very loudly for you. Have you even discussed this with him? This baby will bring big changes in your life and your priorities. That you only think he's forgiven you for cheating is suggestive of a lack of good communication in this relationship anyway.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011):

Yeah, this is just nuts.

"cum on my baby"

Sorry, that sounds like a really disturbed view of sex with someone who cheated on you.

Big red flags.

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A female reader, auntyR United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2011):

some men do actually find pregnant women as a turn on. There is actual pregnant women porn! :s odd i know, but i wouldn't be too alarmed by the way he is acting. If it does get too much then just tell him what you do and don't like. No harm in being honest, especially as you don;t want to stress yourself out while being pregnant.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011):

It is definitely not something I'd call normal. This is a type of fetish that has been seen in men before though. There are a lot of men out there who become sexually excited over the sight of a pregnant woman, whether they are the sperm donor or not. I suggest therapy for you boyfriend, but unless you club him and drag him there unconscious, he will mostly likely not appear. I have to admit it. If I was in your shoes right now, I would be quite concerned and disturbed by what he did in bed. Just think of how he'll react after the baby is born.

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A female reader, AuntyAlexxmo United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2011):

AuntyAlexxmo agony auntHey, its true many men do enjoy the thought of sex with a pregnant woman, the fact this man actually mentions the baby and not the bump or belly as part of the sexual fantasy is very abnormal and you really should be concerned, take a minute and think about what he says, cuming on a baby?!? what the hell type of thing is that to say!? You really want to think about this seriously and take to him, because if his behaviour dont change i would be concerned about him being alone with my baby! Btw just so you know, i have a criminolgy degree, so i do know a bit about this.

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (16 June 2011):

RedAthena agony auntI was not disturbed UNTIL you noted that he mentions the baby as PART of the sexual act/high.

Many men DO find the pregnant form arousing. Many are excited by the fact you had sex to get in that state and feel pregnant women are just sexy creatures!

If you feel uncomfortable with his actions SPEAK UP!

It is ok to say NO.

Best Wishes.

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A male reader, Sex_counsellor United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2011):

Sex_counsellor agony auntNot a normal reaction at all, especially as the baby is not his. He may be trying to convince himself that the baby is his, I would like to suggest counselling but I am not convinced that would be the answer, nor that he would attend. Explain to your partner that you are comfortable with this.

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (16 June 2011):

person12345 agony auntHe clearly gets off on the idea of someone else having sex with his girlfriend. Which makes the whole forgiveness thing a little complicated.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2011):

angelDlite agony auntno, sorry, totally weird and sounds like he has got a severe problem with you cheating on him, like the sort of man who likes to ask his woman for vivid details of her affair or the sort who gets off on watching his woman get nailed by some one else. very inappropriate behaviour

x

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