A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years and after high school we got an apartment together and went to college. Living with him was alright... we fought at times, loved at others, but there was a lot of stress in our life because of college and work and bills.Anyways, I have only been with him and he has only been with me and another girl once when we broke up a couple years back. My last pap came back and I have hpv (a std) and obviously I got it from him. I ended up having sever dysplasia and have to have surgery. My mom convinced me that he has been cheating on me and I am totally stupid for thinking that he wasn't. She talked me into moving back home.. so I did. I seen him the other day and we decided to hang out and we ended up loving each other the entire day! I think we both realized how much we love each other.... but my family and mostly my mom HATES him... she hates him more than you can even begin to imagine. This guy gave her only baby girl an std. What do we do? We love each other.. but we are like totaly forbidden almost by my family. I am really close to my family... but I also love him? Not that him and I aren't going through a lot due to the fact that I not have the std... but I still love him... but am mad about having the std still.
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female
reader, so sick +, writes (15 August 2007):
He has told me that he has not cheated on me. At first...when my mom pretty much brain washed me into thinking that he was cheating on me...i thought that he was. I didnt talk to him for a little over a month and I called him and asked him if i could stop by on his lunch to talk about my medical situation and everything. He was really caring and upset that he gave this to me and agreed to help me pay half of the medical bills. He was mad that my mom "brainwashed" me and after talking with him in my own world...not my moms...I do not think that he was cheating on me...not that I ever did until my mom said he was. He and I both know about the other girl he was with so that is the only thing I can think of. THE main reason that I agreed with my mom in thinking that he had to be cheating on me was because we had been having sex on and off for a couple of years...and yah more when we lived together...and none of my past pap smears ever came up hpv positive until now...so it was like well we have been having sex for the past 3 yeras...and just this year i suddenly have a std? But I read that it can lay latent in the body. I love my mom so much and i know she just cares about me and blames this all on him...but we do love each other alot! ALSO does anyone know what happens if you are going through the whole hpv positive thing and going 2 have a LEEP procedure dong soon...can I have sex with him...will it make anything worse? Will we continully reaffect each other throughout our entire life???
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Hi
Has he admitted he cheated? I had the hp virus years ago, i had only been with 2 people by that point. Maybe he got it from someone before you? I had an abnormal pap test, the first ever test i had when i was 21 & had to have loop diathermy, a hot rod burn the abnormal cells away. Had that treatment twice, still carried the hpv for a few years but never had an abnormal result again. That was going back over 10 years now, and for the last 6 or 7 years there is no evidence of the hpv in my body anymore they have said. You can keep it for life but your body can get rid. I have pap tests yearly now. Even though they have said i can go to 3 yearly now, i have chosen to stay yearly.
Sounds like your mum is being a tad OTT?
I would visit your doctor and chat about it. Sounds like your mum might be over reacting a bit.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 August 2007):
 You have probably received counselling about HPV but just in case there are a few things you should know. Although you may have the type of HPV that is typically sexually transmitted, HPV passes through skin to skin contact in that region rather than body fluids. This is why condoms do not necessarily protect against infection. However, HPV can also be transmitted (rarely) from mother to baby. Usually HPV impact on cervical cancer is a slow process over many years and given your severe dysplasia then it would imply you must have been infected for a while. I am sure you know it is unusual for a woman of your age to be affected by severe dysplasia. I was diagnosed with dysplasia at 30 but I did not have HPV - there were other medical reasons. I think you should see your doctor to determine if there is anything else, other than HPV, that might explain your cervical symptoms (it may have implications for your future health). As for your ex, I can understand why your mother would be angry but you are now an adult who can make your own choices in life. Sometimes you will find you come up against people who are totally against what you want to do and it is a test of strength of character in how you deal with it. I would add that you should be honest with her if you do re-start this relationship regardless of her anticipated reaction. If you resume a sexual relationship with your ex then it is vital that he gets checked out for STD's including HPV (genital wart strain) - they can affect male health too! If he was found to be not HPV positive then it may start you looking for answers to your own health problems elsewhere. You should also know that HPV can remain active in your body for a long period of time (e.g. one year) so you need to consider that in your future sexual choices.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): HPV is not an STD, it's an STI and there is a big difference. Even though it is not curable your man may have gotten it from when he slept with that other girl that you knew about. Men are the carriers and girls are the one who have to pay the price. Know this and look into all of it before you make a decision.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (14 August 2007):
 I can totally understand where your mum is coming from, personally i would have cut his di#k off, but there you go.
Now due to the fact you are an adult you should be left to make your own decisions and mistakes.
Have you two spoken about his infidelity and found out how many times it happened and how long ago it was, as i think these issues need to be addressed.
People make mistakes and if you think you can get over what he has done, then give him a second chance, you can't help who you fall in love with.
Take care.xx.
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