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female
age
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anonymous
writes: my husband has developed a friendship with a 27 year old woman - i have a feeling that she may be attracted to him and he is either naive, in denial and truly feels just innocent friendship or realizes she is attracted to him and feels the same way. i really have tried to way this out on all of the above mentioned possibilities things that have occured keep leaning me towards the third. they met through her father, they developed a working relationship and come to find out this woman and other siblings are in business with their dad; henseforth my husband has become friendly with all of them at first i thought it was just jeolousy with no grounds but my husband has made some changes that are not him!! first he has decided he really wanted a corvette-and bought one which he did discuss with me prior to purchasing it if that is what he wanted i thought it was fine then he and this woman spend more time together then any of the rest of them. recently we went out of town and she was lur wake up call in the am and our goodnight call inthe pm. i tried to explain my feelings to my husband but he says she is just a friend they have work in common and she is as old as our youngest daughter and that i sure don't think to highly of him if i think he could be like that but they have never put all three of us in the same place at the same time, he talks about the family or her all the time , recently she made a comment at my place of business in a tone and with a look insinuating my lack of concern for my husbands wellbeing of course my husband wasn't around it so happens my employee is the one who questioned me regarding the look she had expressed after leaving my business that day she felt the need to tell my husband i was mad because of the signature on the check he in turn felt the need to ask the employee if i was mad or rude to this woman, later that weekend i told him about the way she acted that friday and told him to talk to our employee about her actions days later is when i found out he had approached the employee regarding what the way i conducted myself but has yet to inquire about the womans actions. my husband also has hep c and he does not want any of them to know he is a completely different person around all of them,this past x-mas he had the nerve to tell me that this woman and her sister really liked a particular expensive perfume so he thought he would go get them each a bottle; after already purchasing everyone a more than substantial gift- i did tell him that that was wrong and i'm really having a problem with this relationship beings through out our 30 years of marriage it has not been acceptable to spend at least 3 days aweek conducting business and several phone calls a day, texting (he never used that feature befor)with a friend of the opposite sex. i'm at my wits end he says he can't help the way i feel but i'm off base. i've expressed that i do not think the woman set out to feel this way but after all my husband is successful,responsible,stable,financially set and good looking; she is a single working mother of one child with an on and off again boyfriend that has expressed a bit of jealousy when it comes to my husband as well or that what my husband had told me i've not spoken with this woman or any of her family regarding my feelings. am i looking for trouble or trying to prevent it? i love my husband and will not go down with out a fight- help where do i go from here? confused
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 These mid-life crisis's of men can be so tiresome. If it could have only ended with the Vette purchase! He is either in denial about this other woman or he is trying to placate you while he can enjoy her attentions. She probably just sees him as a mealticket more than anything else. You will have to tread very carefully here, however. In a mid-lfe crisis the man can be very, very stupid and make some bad decisions if you come on too strong. But he does need to know how you see things and all the unacceptable things he is doing.
A
female
reader, george81  +, writes (18 January 2007):
I would have to agree with Irish49, to me all the signs would point to an affair. Don't let him carry on treating you with no respect and making you feel as though your at fault. The phone calls and text messages outside of work are unacceptable and you need to tell him this. If he does not agree then you need to give him an ultimatum, he may realise what he will lose. You deserve better and much more respect from him than you are getting, tell him.
Good luck be strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): I think you are trying very hard to prevent a problem here. Something's up and I feel your intuitions may be correct. Your husband hasn’t owned up to what he is doing. You can’t do a thing until he does something. Personally I feel a lot of men will sexualize and try to take advantage of situations that may get him, some fun 'bits' on the side. This other woman does sound like a big temptation to him and he is looking for something from her. But...your husband needs to be told that being an insecure, middle-aged idiot is something, you won't tolerate from a man you have a built a life with for over 30 years! He needs a wake up call. From what you stated, all the signs are pointing to an affair. I think you should have a chat with hubby, because it sounds like he's up to something..if anything, he's experiencing an emotional affair with this woman, right now. Your husband is being dishonest and not taking responsibility for his actions. He is throwing out a variety of lame excuses and silly reasons in the hope you will find one you like and accept. Call him out on this and make him understand what he may lose if he follows through with this woman.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 If he's conducting business, that's one thing. It sounds to me though that he feeling flattered by the attention. This is dificult as you don't want to accuse him of anything but at the same time, you don't want to stand by and watch this unfold. I would say you have every right to voice your concern. Make your point and stick to it. You can not control him but you don't have to be number two either. Perhaps you should change your routine.
I do not believe most men and women can have the type of friendship he claims. Everybody likes to think they can and put themselves up on that pedistal, but I think it's playing with fire. I hate to say it but it's true, especially men. I stanad by my next comment. Most often women need a reason to have sex, men just need an opportunity. Men will quite often lower their standards for the sake of sex. Women usually don't becasue they're in control when it comes to sex.
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