A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I (both men, we're gay) recently started living together. The situation was him moving in with me. Our relationship and us living together is going great but he is having trouble feeling settled and it is making him unhappy.The issues seem to be this wasn't a place he or we chose, he is living in someone else's house, he feels like an add-on, and that he's lost some of his identity.He says there isn't anything else I could do to make him feel more welcome. I got rid of a lot of stuff so he could properly move in here, emptied out two rooms completely, and have said he can change anything however he likes.We've identified that our solutions are:1) We stay here as it's a nice, large and comfortable place with a beautiful courtyard, I'm well settled and it makes financial sense2) We rent this place out and rent another place to live in that can be more "our" place3) He moves out and rents a place nearby and we spend time at each other's houseWhat's best? I'm only happy with option one if he can be settled and happy, option two involves me forfeiting my home and garden to live in a rental property, option three is a regression of our relationship (which is otherwise golden). Option two would solve his issues so seems a logical solution to me - but he says he'd feel very guilty for uprooting me and taking me away from my home.Neither of us know what to do. Will more time make him more settled? Should we, he or I do something differently? Should we just move? Should we stay put, should he just move?Would be so thankful for any advice. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your reply. We had already talked and decided to give it a bit of time. It has been two months so far. I don't really see how there is a meet halfway point as one of us would have to give up something - I'd have to give up my home OR he'd have to give up feeling settled. If that's the trade off it is obvious that I should be the one to take the fall as feeling settled is far more important than where we live. So I guess we'll just give it a bit more time and if it doesn't improve we'll just move.
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