A
female
age
30-35,
*lackburn887
writes:Hey everyone! I hope you could put some light into my situation. I started dating my coworker at work, in the beginning it was all perfect, i felt pursued he was so charming and really swept me off my feet. We went on many dates together and spent a lot of time together whether it be weekends or after work. He stressed and highlighted that we keep our relationship separate from work since he is very private and did not want everyone at work to know about our personal life.I agreed and felt that was good idea so we mutually agreed about this. He started becoming more serious about our relationship. He said he was exclusive with me and i told him the same. He told me he really liked me and his past relationships were horrible negative experiences with the wrong girls. He was very sweet and charming with me, the would share his everyday thoughts and opinions with me i would everything i could to comfort him the same way he would be supportive for me with any problems i would face in life, work. We have been together for 4 months, he started to suddenly withdraw from me emotionally, he always then started making excuses and pulled away and said he needed space and believed in the rubber band theory...whereby he wants to pull away so he can feel the chase again. I was shocked by this because he was the one who was so into me always messaged me and then suddenly stopped messaging me as much. Then this girl at work who knew about our relationship teased him saying she wants to start telling everyone about him and her beibg together. Me hearing this i got really upset and he did not respond to her. We were going through a rough patch so he was being distant from me and i felt even more tensed thinking this girl is making a move on him. I told him how i felt...how i did not trust her and he flipped that statement to say I did not trust him! If we rewind back towards the beginning of our relationship, my friend made a statement to me about a guy and he eavesdropped in our conversation becoming very jealous! But i held my tongue and did not say anything to him, instead i apologised.So it was my birthday and he did not wish me happy birthday, i messaged him if he was okay and all he responded back was "i just need some space". I was shocked hurt and upset but left him alone. I did not hear from him for 3 days until i approached him to ask what went wrong how much space do you need? He then responded saying he does not want to do this anymore. He feels there is no spark and he just wants to be alone to find himself. The typical line -its not you its me.I was hurt and upset, he then went onto saying how when i had not contacted him he felt a huge burden lifted off him. Tell me what do you think he really means by all this? I tried my hardest to make this relationship work. He says we still can be friends, still meet up still talk. But when i message he hardly talks to me the conversation becomes dead end. In the office I am being normal with him, he is showing the office he is okay he cracks many jokes and laughs and its been only 1 week since we broke up. I act okay and fine in front of him and the office (who have no idea about us dating) but it is so hard! Today i acted normal, ignoring his behaviour not letting it affect me. From what you read...do you think there will be a possibility of us ever getting back together? Has he moved on? Whats going through his mind? I need some insight please! Thank you!
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at work, broke up, co-worker, girl at work, jealous, move on, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 October 2015):
 What is the point of trying to test whether a flaky guy like this coworker is jealous or not? Who cares? He's not worth worrying about any longer.
You don't need any more drama in your workplace. Do your job, stay professional with everyone, including the new team member and find someone to date outside the workplace.
Write him off as a failed experiment and don't fall into negative thinking. Look forward, you'll feel better in no time. Especially when you realize what a goofball this guy was!
Say good riddance. :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 October 2015):
 Honestly?
No.
Learn from this instead. Dating at your work place is not a smart idea in general. Be nice, polite and professional with the new member of the team and politely ignore the "ex" guy.
If he does start to want to be with you again, it won't last. It will just be this yo-yo effect. When HE wants ego rubs and attention/affection from you he will "play" nice... when he doesn't, he will ignore you. so really, YOU are so much better off chalking that guy up to a "mistake".
No need to "test" to see if someone cares or not. Either they do or they don't "testing them"? it IS game playing.
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A
female
reader, blackburn887 +, writes (6 October 2015):
blackburn887 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your responces! I really appreciate all your opinions and insights. I have noticed a pattern...the more i ignore him the more he tries to joke with me and act super friendly and makes more jokes with me in our office. Whenever he sees me alone he wants to be friendly terms with me and that is very hard because i do not want to show him i am feeling depressed or sad but at the same time i try to maintain a balance by not being over friendly too. This is very hard. Today we had a new member joining our team at work and he kept observing me and tries to be close to me because of this new guy in our team. I am not the one to play games and I just want to be me, but should I use this as a test to see how he reacts with me with this new team member. I am not one to overdo anything like make him jealous to get back at him....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 October 2015):
 If I were you(I know..I'm not) I'd give him EXACTLY what he wants and leave him alone. Run every chance you get and leave this loser to his own devices.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 October 2015):
 You were his rebound and he's not over his ex. His intention to date you was to gain confidence and to know that someone wants him. Also to distract himself from the pain of break up. Once he got what he wants there's no love to keep it together. His line of finding himself is to soften the blow, and to sound kind of sophisticated. He also used pop psychology such as that rubber band theory to justify being an ass. So does that mean husbands should hide in the basement, do no house work, not talk to wife and kids for 3 days a week in order to be functioning for the rest of the week?
Whenever you hear anyone talking about how horrible his past experience is, he's not ready for a new relationship. However it's also used as bait to gain sympathy. It makes unsuspecting women want to protect him and prove they are better than their exes. Sometimes it's our weakness that made us lean on others for an ego boost. You know how many people suggest dating right after they break up? That's what happens. It works for some people to move on but it's selfish. He should have used the space to get over the break up.
The best revenge is to not let this bother you at all. He's expecting to feed off on your desperation. Surprise him by acting he's just an after thought. If one day he "got his spark back," and needs to talk to you, then respond "for what?" Then he reminds you of the good times, tell him you forgot about it already.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 October 2015):
I think he initially liked the "idea" of you two together, but in reality? not so much. It was "too much" work for him to maintain a relationship with you and do what he wants at the same time. Like... flirt with other girls at work or where ever.
Do I see you two get back together? I hope not, for you sake. The guy is somewhat of a flake. And I think... he is JUST not that into you. (sorry).
What would I do in your situation? Act professional at work, treat him like anyone else in the office, but cut down all banter and joking with him. Regard him as that janitor who works in the building but you hardly know him.
No more texting/message him (unless for work) no chatting or meeting up. As you may have noticed he says ONE thing, but mean another. Like the whole "we can still be friends" - yet he basically ignore you outside of work.
If he starts to chase you again, NIP it in the bud asap.
Let him go.
And next time you consider dating someone, date someone you don't work with. Office romance gets pretty awkward when they don't work out, and that is the majority of the times.
His loss.
Chin up!
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