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female
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leebee1234567
writes: My boyfriend of 5 years recently broke up with me saying "There is no doubt in my mind that I love you, I would propose to you today. I am just confused because I am jewish and you are not and since we are getting closer to marriage age it is something we need to think about. My family wont accept you and I have a jewish history. We should end it now. I am just so confused"... So basically he wanted space after that. Of course I am a pushy girl and called, begging, crying, asking him to work it out. I told him I would work through it with him to try to figure out his feelings... Blah Blah Blah... Now it has just turned into everytime we talk we argue. He gets angry if the convo gets deep. He starts yelling, saying "i dont care about you or what you do. Its completely over" He later says he just said that stuff out of anger. he doesnt call me. I always have to cal because he so so strong willed. What do I do? I love him so much. and I am most definate he really loves me just as much... Can I make this work and how?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Hi. This must be so hard for you to take and i feel for you so completely but on this occasion please don't be pushy because i think he has done you both a favour. Put all this down to experience in life! The clash of the religions would just come back to bite you later on if you cannot be accepted in their family. Why did he let it all get 5 years down the line if he knew all this info then?
My opinion is: sorry if it sounds harsh. He is looking for a way out and this is the prime reason he has come up with.
Please don't beg etc for him to come back, it just won't work. There is someone out there even better and more special for you.
Please take care and keep your dignity and find your MR RIGHT.
XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): this is a very difficult one , i am jewish by the way so i can tell u how it is from that point of view. 5 years is a hell of a long time to go out with someone when its not something you want deep down ... so in that respect hes wasted his and your time and its all ended in tears. He may love you and im sure he does but this jewish thing is so difficult cuz its a thing that we want and feel that we have to keep it in the religion .. and if he had kids with you they would not be jewish as it comes from the woman's side, unless u were willing to convert for him orthodox? i dont know if this is an option for you or if he would even be happy with u convertng but its worth a go. Its so hurtful though and i understand what u must be going through cuz ive seen it happen time and time again, i do believe though that love is love and people use all sorts of excuses when its not right. Even though dont get me wrong the jewish thing is very important but ive seen people marry out of the religion if they love u enough. I think as hard as this is going to be you have to move on and try to forget this .... you wont win and it will cause you more and more tears. you deserve the best and theres loads of nonjewish guys around think how lucky you are, when i have to go out witha jewish guy when most of them are total boring geeks! I really wish you well. ps u can tell me his name, i may know him and then i can tell u if he's worth pursuing or not.. totally confidential u must know that. but up to u good luck! xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006):
Well if you act pushy enough maybe you can convince him you are Jewish. Ha ha ha. But I kid.
Actually more people have some Jewish extraction than they think. Do a little poking around your family tree and may find some jewish blood and then you can make a claim to being Jewish.
If his familiy likes you enough, they'll over look any little 'irregularities' here.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (12 November 2006):
 No, this won't work, and you need to take your strength and do the work of healing from this. It's obvious with his jewish background, that he wants to eventually marry a jewish woman. I just wished he'd had the foresight to tell you this earlier, before you invested 5 years of your life, your love and heartfelt feelings into him. What he did to you was wrong, wrong, wrong. I am so sorry, hun for what has happened to you.
From my perspective, 2 things are happening here:
1) A lot of families want their children to marry from their own religion. This possibly could be crucial and very important to his family. Had you carried on and married this fellow, you could have walked into a family nightmare. Sadly, now the reality of life and marriage is setting in, for him. And you aren't the one, in his eyes. If you had married him and you weren't of their religious background, his family would've been a part of your life, and it could've been a hard time for you. or....
2) He using his religious, cultural differences as an 'excuse" to break up with you. In which case, he's being an cad and isn't being an honest, open, decent person.
So.. waht to do now. Stop begging, stop pleading and stop over analyzing this, stop allowing yourself to be so vulnerable and try seeking healing and closure. This is the only way and it takes a ton of courage and self-love. Do that for yourself. Don't slip in that self-loathing mode, so many women do this because they make the common mistake of attaining value and self-love through attachment to a guy. Know that, no matter what is happening to you are very valuable and lovable. Believe that. As you get better, do not focus on the pain and loss, focus on gratitude. Just be grateful for having experienced such a love and be grateful for learning how intense love could be. Learn the life lesson and carry on. Be stoic and stop all contact and make peace with the end of all this. Turn all your efforts onto yourself and practise bigtime self-care, hun. In short, try to cope by owning your pain. Recognize that it's all of our choices to become vulnerable and taking the risk of loving someone. Good luck, dear and my heart is with you.
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