A
female
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anonymous
writes:hello. i have been with my boyfreind just over a year. just resently ive occured a few problems that he knows about but never wants to talk about. his older than me. and i really want children and marriage but he doesnt hes had a versetemy, and i thought i could live with out marriage and children months ago when i brought up the subject but now im wondering if i can?! im 19 and im really confused with this situation. i would leave him may be if i didnt love him but if i did leave him would i ever find any one i could get use to again?! and on top of that i really dont want to break up with him but what am i to choose children and marriage? or him?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Hello,
You are only young and you will have much more in the future than older man who perhabs dosn't even love you, if you will mention marriage and kids every time you argue he will run away from you soon. If you love him just enjoy yourself but remember one day you can be really hurt. And remember kids and marriage don't keep people together forever. Maybe one day you will meet someone who will love you more than anything in the world and that person will say: you know, darling, I really want to have children with you, I want them to be pretty as their mum. Your heart will tell you when it is wright time to get married or to have children. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello all thanks for your help he doesnt have kids and his that strong about not haveing them his ex of 21years fell pregnant and he and her decided to abort it also he proposed to her and she refused! maybe that might be why! but its not so easy for me to move on and forget about him as he saved my life seriously i was suicidal and depressed and as i went to jump over a bridge he appeared from no where after chaseing me for 6months and prevented me from jumping! now looking back im so greatfull he saved me! but does he mean more than children and marriage because i seriously think he does! thankyou every one for your advice!
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 October 2006):
 A few years ago I was with a guy that already been married and had kids from this marriage and didn't want anymore, he was talking about having a vasectomy done and was very sure about his decision I was about 22 at the time and although I was happy how I was I knew deep down I wanted at least kids at some point in my life even if I didn't get married, but I decided to carry on the relationship and ignore my want for children and concentrate on my love for him and his decision on this matter, we eventually split up.
I'm now 26 I have a beautiful baby boy and the guy is just someone I use to be with and until your question I haven't thought about him in a long time.
What I'm trying to say is he turned out to just be another guy with the 'ex' title that no longer holds any part of me or my heart where as my baby boy is everything to me and more and I'm so thankful that things turned out this way as if we had still been together I wouldn't know what it was like to have my baby and love and cherish him with all my heart, having a baby is something that changes your life and makes everything in it worthwhile and I'm glad it's something I was able to experiance and keep on experiancing everyday.
I've always believed that the right person for each of us holds the same dreams and wants out of life as we do, that's one of the reasons that makes them right for us.
Good luck, hope this helps :o)
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A
female
reader, xLEAHx +, writes (29 October 2006):
 Hi Anon, Seeing as this guy has had a vasectomy i take it his alot older then you an maybe already got children and been married before, your 19 of course you want children and marriage ,its every young girls dream ..this guy can not give you what you want and by staying with him your never going to be happy ..his being very selfish about this and if anything he should be telling you if marriage and children is what you want then i can't give you them things, so we may as well call it a day..you may think your happy with him now but if your still with him in years to come, and you never have children im affraid that will all change, you will end up resenting him it will drive a wedge between you and him causing problems ..im sorry but because your only 19 your still young and what you want in the future he cant give you ..this relationship will not last..it will only last if he changes his mind and has his vasectomy reversed thats only if it is reversable, and if you also decide you can go through life without commitment and not having a ring on your finger and feeling secure ,or not being a mum, having no children... think very hard about what you want from life and whats going to make you happy don't waste it on someone who can't give you what you want because there is someone out there who will be happy to start a future with you and give you what you want in life, like there is for everyone... Good luck with what ever you decide to do xLEAHx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  + ♥, writes (29 October 2006):
 You're only 19. I understand the longing for kids and marriage, I want those too. However, if your partner REALLY doesn't see that in his future - especially as he's had a vasectomy, it's time to move on from him.
There are lots of issues that couples can work out, but I don't think that this is one of them. If he is set in not having children, and you want them - there's really no way to "compromise".
It's time to find someone else who wants the same things you do.
Sorry, darlin'.
Love, India
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): You're only 19 and still have a long life ahead of you, so honestly I don't think you have much to panic over. There is still plenty of time for marriage and children, remember. And it sounds as if you're unsure whether you really do love your boyfriend or not, or you wouldn't have even considered the thought of leaving him. Some people just don't have matrimony and a family on their lifelong agendas and there is really nothing you can do about it. It's their choice. Having said this, maybe you should talk a little bit more about this with him - sit him down and let him know how much it would mean to you to marry and start a family. Give him some time to think about this and find out how he feels about it later. If he still doesn't agree to what you're saying and you still would love to marry and have children at this point in life, you shouldn't have to compromise your own happiness for his.
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A
female
reader, bby_gal06 +, writes (28 October 2006):
 hiya i think that you should try and get him to have it reversed or find another man if you feel really strongly about having children because personally i think that if he really loved you that he would have a family with you to make you happy.
people have children for all the wrong reasons but for you as an individual who wants children i think that you should talk to him and ask him but there might be reasons behind the fact that he dosent want children.
just talk to him and express how strongly you feel about having a family. good luck with your decisions x
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