A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is a dad of a two year old who he had with another girl. We have been dating a little less than two years now. He has always seemed ambivalent about having another kid at some point in his life and that was ok with me because I'm not sure if I'd have kids someday either.Last night we were talking and out of the blue he tells me he is pretty sure he never wants to have another kid ever again. 98% sure and that he wanted to tell me just in case I wanted to have kids I should find somebody else. I'm freaking out now because I still don't know if I'd ever have kids. I'm a college student with a lot going on so its hard to think about it. One thing that's making this really difficult for me is the knowledge that if I stay with him, I'm going to have to face that he will only share the experience of having a child with one woman who happens to not be me. I don't know how to go about this, do I keep seeing him until I decide if I want kids (I love him very much) or do I move on just to keep my options as open as possible?
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 Stay with him until you find you want kids. My guess is that you will eventually break up for completely other reasons anyway. Because that's how it typically goes, at least in my experience. For example, I was dating a man who broke up with me because he said he didn't want to be in a long distance relationship, and I was pondering the opportunity to go abroad to work after my education (nothing was settled yet). As it turned out, I stayed in the same city as him for yet another 5 years, and so far haven't gone abroad.
Another example, a military man I was in a relationship with, he wasn't sure if having a family would be a good fit with his career, and we weren't sure if we had a future or not because of it. So we spent all this time wondering about this, talking about this, and me wondering if I should leave or not. And then what happens? Well, we end the relationship for completely other reasons: he became mentally sick and had to end his military career, in addition to not being fit for a relationship any longer.
So, in my experience, it is a COMPLETE waste of time to wonder about the "what ifs" in these circumstances. Take it at face value. You're not ready for a kid now anyway. So why bother thinking about it? What will be will be, and if you one day wake up and want a kid and he's not up for it, THEN is the time to ask yourself this question.
Thank him for coming forward with the information, as it is good to know where he stands on the topic. But as of yet, don't think about it. You weren't planning a family with him right now anyway. Just keep the info in mind for when the time comes that you DO want to have a family. But by then, you and him might have ended things for completely different reasons.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 September 2014):
 My two cents, don't give up a guy you know you want for a kid you don't know you want. You may not want them, or you may feel that being step mom to his daughter is enough. But there's no sense in making a big decision right now if you don't even know what you want yet.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 September 2014):
 If you aren't sure about kids or no kids yet, I don't see what the problem is. HOWEVER, IF you decide to have a change of heart, YOU are going to have to ACCEPT that he won't change his mind.
...............................
|
