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He doesn't want his friends to find out that he's going out with me. Why? Why does he limit communication?.

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Friends, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2015)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

At the moment I am feeling really upset because I'm going out with this boy and he won't barely talk to me, he has got a lot closer to his friend but I doubt that's the problem.

He told me that he broke up with his ex girlfriend because she was talking to other boys more than him but what he needs to understand is that the boys sit with the girls and they are in every single friendship group so there's not a lot I can do about that .

We used to be really close face-timing every night and texting all the time , meeting up every weekend but now we don't do any and he said that he can't be bothered to meet up at my house .

He said that it's not because I was talking to them but I can't think of any possible different reason as to why he isn't talking to me .

We have been going out for about one and a half months and he knows more about me than anyone does in this world and I just really can't understand why he's being like this.

When I confront him about not talking to me he says he's really busy or wants to chill.

He will sometimes go days without messaging me and won't talk to me at school because he doesn't want his friends to find out that he's going out with me.

I mean not trying to sound big headed but I am more popular than him so I know it can't be that but he doesn't want to be made fun of so the most he will do is smile at me and sometimes he even struggles to do that ...

It's literally getting me down so much and I really don't know what to do PLEASE HELP...!??

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 July 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Ciar,

Sorry honey, he has lost interest. A guy who isn't PROUD to show off his GF doesn't CARE much for her.

Anyone dating someone they CARE for would want to shout it from the roof tops.

Just call him and break up. There is no reason to drag this out.

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A female reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2015):

xTheAlmightyDuckx agony auntWhenever a guy doesn't want to be seen with you or doesn't want people to know he is with you it simply spells TROUBLE.

I would of understood if maybe for the first week or few weeks he wanted to keep it a secret, but after a month and a half he obviously does not care much for your feelings.

There could be hundreds of reasons as to why this is: He could be seeing someone else, he could not be over his ex, he could of suddenly decided he wants to be on his own, he could of decided he doesn't get on with you... it literally could be anything, but what he is doing to you is totally unfair.

He is ignoring you at every opportunity he gets and is coming up with all kinds of excuses to get you to go away. Basically he hasn't got the balls to tell you why he doesn't want to speak to you anymore so he has simply left you hanging, which is very harsh thing to do.

Normally if people lose interest in you they at least give you a reason before doing so, he doesn't obviously want to do that, and therefore its very apparent he does not care for your feelings, and therefore you should not care for his.

If he wants to ignore you, you should do it back. Stop getting in contact with him, ignore him and pretend like he does with you that you don't even know him. I know that might be quite a hard thing to do but why should you put all of your time and effort into a guy who does not care? You shouldn't!

Be strong about it and look out for yourself instead of looking out for him, talking to friends always helps and I am sure as you are popular you probably have a lot of people you could talk to about him, who have probably found themselves in similar situations.

I would not even give him the satisfaction of breaking up with him, I would simply ignore him! If he does not have the will power to tell you why he doesn't want to talk, then you should do the same as he has done to you and just leave him hanging! I'm sure in time he will regret it and I am sure in time you will find a lovely guy who wants to treat you nicely :) At such a young age you should be having fun and not chasing up a guy who doesn't want to put in the effort. Good luck :) x

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (12 July 2015):

Garbo agony auntIt is apparent from your post that you like him but if he does not like you back then there is really nothing that you can do about that other than protect yourself by cutting off your emotional investment in him and that basically means dropping this guy. Nor do you have to be dramatic about it because this relationship, from the description, is dying of its own death. So let it simply wither away: don't communicate with him, don't respond and in public just ignore him. With only six weeks into this, you don't have great deal of "baggage" that could hold you in this relationship so the sooner you cut it off the better emotionally you could be in the long run.

His behavior can mean number of things but if I am to speculate why, and I may be wrong, it is because he still hopes to get his GF back but, as she was making him jealous by talking to other boys, he wanted to make her jealous by hooking up with you, but go only so far as to not ruin his chances getting back together.

Irrespective of the causes, you should not be with him, so wash this one off fast and move on in life. No person should be with anybody if they see you as a public embarrassment.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (12 July 2015):

Abella agony auntIt is a seriously negative situation when a guy "won't talk to me at school because he doesn't want his friends to find out that he's going out with me."

If a guy does not want to be seen with you then that suggests that he thinks he can do better. In the circumstances he deserves to be dropped.

That his interest is waning in any case is obvious by the fact that he is contacting you less and less.

A guy who is truly interested will want to see your more, not less.

Time to wash this guy right out of your hair. Do not humiliate yourself by seeking any closure. He is slowly closing the gate himself hoping that you will break up with him.

Don't allow any drama to occur. Just quietly close up your contact by stopping and don't look back; Because by his cowardly behaviour he is not worth even that.

Keep your popularity by staying cool. No drama. No scenes. No demanding any answers. No asking for confirmation.

Be extra kind and nice to you next week. If you do see him just be too busy to stop. Don't avert your eyes like you are heart broken. Just be unconcerned and disconnected towards him as if you hardly know him. Because in truth he has hardly let you in.

And now he is closing the door and has been doing so for a while now.

When he is a grown up man (by his behaviour he is not yet there) he will learn the courage thing: and be able to have a civilized discussion with you about why he is breaking up.

But since he is still a boy (in the way he behaves) he prefers to hide behind the curtains (or his friends and his excuses) and hopes you will realize that his interest has waned.

Move on to a nicer, more civilized gentleman who treats you with more respect. You know you deserve better than what he is dishing up.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (12 July 2015):

Ciar agony auntHe's lost interest but doesn't want a scene when he breaks up with you so he's hoping you'll get fed up and go away on your own.

He wants people to see he's single so he can pursue other girls.

The only one who thinks and acts like you're a couple is you. No one else even knows about you.

I can't think of any other explanation.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2015):

Why? Because he's just not that into you.

If you've only been together six weeks and he's lost interest already... Then well... There's no hope.

Six weeks in to a relationship, you can't get enough of each other, you spend all your time together, you want to shout from the roof tops how happy you are because of this wonderful person you've just met and you get to kiss.

Break up with him and find someone that cares a bit more about you. This is hardly a relationship at all.

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