A
female
age
22-25,
*imply peeh
writes:My boyfriend claims he loves me but yet is nonchalant about everything. He hardly call me. Not only me - he hardly call his mom. He is always saying he's not used to calling and if am angry he was tell me am stressing over little issues. I love him so much but I want attention. Pls what can I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): You value him above yourself and your needs. He doesn't value you at all. You are willing to remain with him no matter how you're treated. That gives him too much power, and he'll take you for granted. That's why he treats you more like a possession than a girlfriend. Stop being so affectionate and whiny. You're stroking his ego by him knowing you worship and adore him. So he feels he doesn't really have to show you he cares. Just keep you among his other toys and possessions, so no other guy can have you. Let him know that he doesn't show he loves you, and saying it isn't enough. Tell him that you're not sure if you can continue loving him. It's hard because he gives you no attention. Be dead serious when you tell him that. No whiny girly tears. Learn to be a strong woman and show no fear. Then you have to make a hard decision. You will have to decide if you might have to breakup with him. You have to find yourself a guy who is naturally affectionate, and will willingly show you attention. Holding on to someone waiting for them to change is foolishness. Real love goes back and forth. It's in the actions, not just the words.Loving a guy who shows you no attention, is more like he owns you. Being with him is like adoring and worshiping a cold statue chiseled from stone. It just stands there frozen and you're pouring love all over it. Nothing comes back.For now, you're just infatuated with a guy who hardly knows you're there. Neatly put away like a pair of dress shoes. Only to be moved when needed to be used.The less love you show him, he'll start to wonder what's up? If he's makes no change and doesn't even notice; then there's your reason to let him go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): You don't say how long he has been your boyfriend. He's not the affectionate type it seems, and you may only be his girlfriend when he needs sex. He's probably away from home for the first-time; so he isn't likely to call home as much as he may have when he first moved-out on his own. We guys tend to do that. Well, you know for certain he's not a mama's boy.If you live together, who does the cooking, cleaning, and laundry? You're probably his live-in maid.You can't be too timid or silent about how you feel. You have to let him know that you wanted a boyfriend. Not just a guy who comes to see you now and then. That's just a friend. Suggest he take you out for dinner and movies. Tell him if he really loves you, show it. Otherwise; you may as well be by yourself. That's how you feel when he ignores you, alone by yourself. He's just hanging around, but that's all.Now comes the hard part. It is senseless in loving people who don't return your feelings. You are throwing love down an empty well. Stop saying you love somebody until that person shows you the same affection and feelings you're giving them. At some point when you see there's no change, you have to be woman enough to dump the guy. You can't force people to love you, nor make them show it. So once they've exhausted their chances, you let them go. Don't sit like a dummy all wrapped-up in-love, and getting nothing back. That's being in-love with love. Not another person.If you want a more affectionate guy, and a guy who takes you out and treats you like his girlfriend; you have to date other guys until you find him. Not stick with some guy you're adoring and worshiping while he stands there like a wooden idle or a rock. The hardest people to give advice to, are those infatuated in-love. They suffer and can't let the people go that they are attached to. Foolishly hoping for some magical remedy or spell that will change them. You want a real adult relationship? Then you have to be an adult and make grown-up decisions.Learn that some people won't change and it is not your job to change them. If you want certain qualities, actions, and attributes in a guy; you have to choose a guy who has them. Be forewarned. If you become strong enough to let him go, he will suddenly decide he wants you back; and will turn on all the charm. It is only to fool you. He's afraid you'll find someone better. You will, and you deserve to. If you take him back, he will put you back on the shelf where he always kept you, and you're back to square one. Remember that.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 Find another boyfriend who will value you more than this one does. It will either make him jealous and pay you more attention, or you will have the option of a new boyfriend.
Perhaps you are being too obviously infatuated with this boy, and he thinks he has you no matter what he does. So, he doesn't have to try very hard.
You need to be more cunning. Don't always do what he wants or go where he wants. Put a high value on yourself and see if he is worthy.
At the moment it sounds like he doesn't care that much. You need to make him want you by playing hard to get.
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