| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My bf has issues because I've lied about my past, because I knew he'd dissaprove of it. So I lied, and then I told him, and of course he started judging me and now he doesn't trust me. I understand why he doesn't trust me. We've had numerous fights and break ups, because I hate that he judges me so hard on my past and assumes that I'm cheating (I haven't), and also because I feel trapped. I've given up lots of friendships and going out alone because he doesn't trust me. So sometimes I don't react very well and I cry, or get upset and moody (in public).He's asked me to change those reactions a lot of times, but it's not as simple as just cutting it. But I'm gonna start therapy next week also because of my low self esteem. He doesn't think I'll change, but he says he wants to be with me to see if I change. However, he's very mean to me, because he ignores me, is moody, and just doesn't treat me very well, which discourages me. He says it's the price to pay for having betrayed him, that if I hadn't lied he wouldn't be so hard on me, but I don't think so. Now he claims that if I change, it may or may not improve the trust.Do you think there's a chance? I lied about my past only because I know the past always brings trouble, as tame and virginal as it may be (like mine). And then also he started restricting who I talked or didn't talk to, and I slipped last year and talked a few times to this guy he didn't want me to talk to. I did it behind his back and later came clean.He treats me like I was a cheater, and I'm not even close to that. I understand lying was a betrayal of trust, but I don't think it's such a big deal, also because he doesn't see that he's also to blame because if he were a bit more relaxed, I wouldn't have to be sneaking around so much! I'm not saying I'm not to blame, I am, but he treats me as if he's done nothing wrong, and I'm the only guilty one.
View related questions:
self esteem, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): He has a right to feel betrayed if you lied to him (for the lie, not for your past itself). But he doesn't have a right to treat you like a second-class person over it all the time.
A
female
reader, Honesty? You have that with me  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Sweetie you must realise that him stopping your life and constantly punishing you is mentle cruelty of the highest degree,
And that for your own sake you must take a stand now! Yes if you do this if you stand up and say you need some time out from this realationship he will probebly say.
"Its over" (obviously emotionally blackmailing you) But if you react by giving him no reaction and saying a sweet "ok maybe its for the best" to this in time he will come crawling back. and the likelyhood is by this time you wont think putting yourself though all this misery and confidance bashing is worth that dickhead. So you lied its a realtionship sometimes your allowed to not disclose everything its your pergative your not a bad person his reaction is extream and wrong,
So was my boyfriend as you can guess Im going though a similer situ.. at the moment. but I now have seen the light and refuse to put my relationship ahead of my own wellbeing
it is hard when you love them and I sure you have lots of happy memories with him but remember there yours forever not anyone can ever take those away they are guidence a lesson in love shall we say But I guess until he starts being that man you fell for whats the point in any of this?
I think this is in preparartion ready for the day you meet a man who loves you and whatever little white lie you told would still want to see you fufilled and happy because your precious to him I tell you does any girl deserve anything less?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is so similar to what I went through last year. I left my ex for my current bf. I wanted to remain friends with him and tried for months to be there for him even though in the end he couldnt just be friends. I did all this behind my bfs back, never once cheated on him. I even brought my ex over while mny bf was out of town, he was desperately trying to show me we could be friends. I came clean a few weeks later when I realized I couldnt chance losing my bf over it. He was so upset, Ive never seen him like it. I had betrayed him and lied to him and even if it was all to try and be someones friend who had been mine for 4 years, it was still lying. For a while he had a keylogger of my computer to see every key I typed and had signed into all my accounts and forbid me to talk to my ex ever again. My guy friends he didnt want me to see and modeling was really ok.
That was over a year ago. He NEVER ignored me or treated me badly even though I had lied to him. It took him a few months to fully forgive me. We are stronger than ever now. He understood why I had lied even though it was still wrong. But he never ever really did things to make me pay for it.
I guess in relaying to you my story, Im trying to show you that even if you did lie, and its not like you went out and saw an ex like i did, it doesnt mean its ok for him to treat you like he does. When a man truly loves you, he forgives you even if it takes a little while. And most importantly, someone who really loves YOU, not just needs to be in a relationship, will not treat like your bf is treating you.
Talk to him. Tell him that you came clean because you care for him and didnt want to hide things. Tell him it was still wrong of you but you are doing the best you can to try and turn it all around. Ask him if he will ever forgive you for it or if he will forever harbor resentment and hurt because of it. It sounds like he is just using this as an excuse to treat you bad.
Please please talk to him and if he cant fathom letting this go, then you should let him go.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): you seem a bit like me,and this guy his hell bent on dragging you down,everything seems to be your fault your mistakes,your bad habits,your lies,and he`s trying to mould you into something your not and never will be,he`s a control freak as ive realised my guy is also like this,well as much as i love him i love myself more and worth a lot more than he`s failing to see and im ready to move on without him and be whom i am,i know it may take time but i will be a lot happier and you will be to
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): i think you should leave him he is no good he has the problems not you he is blackmailimg you you deserve to be treated well not like this good luck
...............................
|
