A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We do not live together- about 30 mins apart. Neither of us have been married nor have children. Just wanting some advice and opinions. It really bothers me how I help him out a lot and i don't feel like its valued or appreciated. Meaning I will cook dinner, run errands, clean his home, basically whatever I can to help out since he works a swing shift. (I work too BUT not a swing shift and he brings that up constantly). I don't mind helping him out but when we argue he will say things like I NEVER have cleaned for him or say I've cooked him maybe 3 meals. Truth be told I have made 20 plus things for him to eat in the year we have been dating. Basically I feel like he takes all the things I have done for him and discredits it all. I told him it doesn't matter how much I do or how I do something it will never be enough for him. It is a big problem for me. Here I have spent time, energy and gas going and doing for him and he acts like I barely do anything. I do enjoy cooking , but he will say things like you hate cooking, its not enjoyable for you i can tell. Umm what?? It is so irritating. Also, when there is an argument he always calls his sister and mom and tells it all. But of course he will make it sound like I am crazy and he did nothing wrong. I told him that I like to be more private, if he wants to vent to a guy friend then I understand. I never call and tell my mom bad things about him. He does not see anything wrong with this. It makes me feel weird when I see his family the next time. He has been pressuring me about getting married to him for a few months now and I think so every time we have a spat in our marriage his mom and sister will hear .ugh No thanks.His family really like me and want us married also. This pressure he has put on me about it bothers me. Any thoughts ??!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (12 October 2015):
 He wants to marry his mother. He wants someone to cook and clean for him. For heavens sake is that what you want? Let him do his own housework.
It is kind and caring of you to be so helpful, but it doesn't seem to be appreciated.
This is where it begins not ends. You will start off being his full-time skivvy, and end up in the kind of role that is 100 years out of date.
I think we could both agree that you deserve better than that.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 October 2015):
 1. STOP doing things for him. IF he can't appreciate of validate that you actually DO these nice things, then WHY do them?
2. Everyone is different. Some talk to friends about their problems, some to family. Some over-share don't over-share/share at all. It can sometimes be helpful to talk to someone OUTSIDE the relationship (not every time but occasionally) to get a different point of view. IF he does it EVERY time something upsets him, instead of talking to you.. then I would bring it up.
3. Pressure to marry. NO. Just tell him I'm not ready. What's the hurry anyways?
You two REALLY need to be able to communicate without it then escalating into an argument.
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