A
female
age
22-25,
jboston
writes:I am so confused about what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We have been so happy most of the time and have discussed that we are soulmates and cant imagine not ending up together. Last year and then again just last week I received a sketchy email from someone I dont know accusing my boyfriend of having had cyber sex with a girl he met at camp three years ago. The email said that it happened two years ago and that he told the girl that he loved me, but that I was not ready to have sex. He denied it last year but was very upset. I chose to believe him. Two days ago, he was nearly suicidal with guilt and he admitted that he did cyber with this girl two years ago and that it was a stupid act by a young kid (he was 16). He said it happened for a couple of months, but that he considered it cheating and couldnt live with that between us. I just don't know how to feel right now. I could use some perspective. I feel my heart breaking for him and because of him!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  + ♥, writes (28 February 2007):
 I agree with the general consensus here although i would ask, do you feel it was cheating?? I am kinda guessing you do by the 'heart breaking because of him' remark. If you do then I don't think you can forget it but you can forgive it. It seems he has been faithful apart from this and you need to remember that and yes remember that he was 16.
As Eve said, this girl is clearly pursuing her own rather sad and destructive agenda. Are you really willing to give her the satisfaction of all this and are you really willing to throw away something so special away over something which was a silly mistake. Those are the kind of questions you need to be asking yourself right now....
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (28 February 2007):
 I would tell your boyfriend to forget it and don't give it another thought. It was something that happened in the past when he was much younger. Hell, we all make mistakes. He's very aware it was a mistake and if he could turn the clock back he would. However it's out in the open now, he's obviously sorry it happened and he loves you very much or he wouldn't feel so bad about it all.
Tell him not to worry about it, it's in the past, let it go now, it's out in the open and was only silly talk. One good thing... even although he spoke to this girl he STILL said he loved you, even then! She's only wanting to break you both up. Let your boyfriend see that your love for each other is much stronger than this girl ever imagined. Delete the email and block her address, she's only a stirrer.
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): Right, to you and your boyfriend ..... its okay. seriouslymy friend i having sex his girlfriend wife, and my boyfriend just decided that he doesnt love me after 3 years together.... like that... asked for a kit-kat from the shop, then told me to leave his life forever... these are minor things, there are kids in africa dying just cos theyre too young and their tiny legs cant carry them to the river for water.Tell your man its ok. I hope you feel its ok too. were talking cyber here... and a 16 year old.... come on, if you wanna keep him you have to let this pass. hes so upset about this yet it wasnt an actual physical thing.... cyber... yes cyber is wrong....for one half of a couple to be involved in only, exept he was 16. if a 16 year old is not interested in porn then thats more of a concern. let bygones by bygones. thing is. if you get involved with someone at an age of 16 or so... you have to love them tremendously for it to last, because inevitably, you will both go through your own phases. unless the dudes armish, hes gona be curious about porn, check it out on the web, and maybe have cyber sex! if hes brave and lucky enough. he is a lad,a boy, and thats ok, the fact hes beating himself over this is wrong. the best thing you can do is tell him its ok. cyber sex when he was 16, thats a great problem, compared to real sex all the time behind girlfriends back at 20. cyber sex is a form of cheating, dont get me wrong, but it is highly likely he did it for fun, its what his age requires of him (at the time) its very rare for a relationship that starts that young to last, so treasure it.. tell him its ok and forgive and forget. make a joke of it. after youve chatted about you being ok about it. maybe one night walk into the bedroom, throw your hair back and say 'hey sexy, cybergirl is here...' and laugh and get over it. lifes too short xx
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