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He communicates okay, apart from when I suggest we hang out!

Tagged as: Friends, Sex, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 January 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 13 January 2018)
A female United States age 18-21, *ajesticBlackBunny writes:

I have been talking to this guy for a total of two months, we met on a dating app and have gone on one date since then, I even met his grandparents lol. At the very beginning he was eager-- calling, texting, you name it frequently and now after meeting we still talk and sometimes he does send me a good morning text but that stopped a few days ago. I know he's busy, we both are. I'm in school and he has work and his own life, which is understandable. I'm a pretty sensitive person who overthinks and analyzes everything that happens (it's a curse), and I've been overthinking quite a bit with him. .... I asked if he saw a potential relationship and he said he would rather be friends first and move on from here. I've told him that I'm not into doing anything sexual being we are both virgins and he agrees that we won't until we are in a relationship. He seems genuine but I'm not so sure. These days I have to initiate the conversations but he doesn't take long to reply. We have flowing conversations, he sends me pictures and whatnot which is cool. Do you think he's lost interest? Or is losing interest? I have asked to hangout and it's like he never acknowledges my question although he says we can. Advice?

View related questions: both virgins, move on, text

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (13 January 2018):

TylerSage agony auntMaybe he thinks the sooner the two of you start seeing each other, the sooner you want to start having sex. Maybe he's nervous about having sex. Or it could be a case where he really does prefer friendship first before anything else.

I know that's the way I preferred it with women growing up. I needed to feel close to you emotionally before I could consider getting close to them physically. Not all men are horny dogs waiting to pounce on the next woman that walks by.

Or it could be a situation where he may not be interested in being intimate with you. You could try the straight-forward approach and ask if he's really interested in being friends or if he's just trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings or you could just not message him for say a week, maybe two. If he doesn't reach out to you within at least a week, he probably doesn't want to go any further.

Dating can be tough, but this way you'll know sooner than later and be one step closer to finding the right guy.

All the best.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 January 2018):

N91 agony auntDoesn't sound interested to me.

If he was, the contact wouldn't of dropped and he has already said he wants to be friends. That's universally known and 'I'm not interested'. I think bringing up whether he wants a relationship after one date is a little heavy. You barely know each other.

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A female reader, OMG.ThatsCool United States +, writes (13 January 2018):

OMG.ThatsCool agony auntit seems that he still hasn't made up his mind yet. Maybe he wants to be with you but like is a little bit hesitating or even overthinks what may happen.. If I were you, i'd give him some distance, let him start texting you first. I've been in a similar situation and i stopped texting him, and he texted me back in like 3 days saying he was busy..

you guys just need some time; if he doesn't text back ( i'd say in a week) i would move on, if i were you..

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 January 2018):

Sometimes you have to slow-down and pull-back a little. If he's a virgin and you're a virgin; he's not very experienced with the ladies. Presuming he's actually being honest about being a virgin.

Don't gauge a person's feelings by whether they reply to your every text. They/we/you do get busy sometimes!

Sending a barrage of text messages to test how long before you get a reply starts to get annoying. Especially when there's nothing much interesting (or new) said. Short meaningless phrases; or just some silly emoji just to beg for attention. "What's up"..."what are you doing?"..."how was your day? :)"..."I miss you! :(" Then a string of smiley-face expressions: Emoji-smiley face, Emoji-smiley face blowing a heart-kiss, Emoji-sad-face! On and on and on! No reply will come, because he'll want them to stop!!! There is no sensible response to an emoji, or he'll get tired of repeating the same answer!

It's give and take. You pursue a little, then let him pursue you a little. Keep busy so you don't over-analyze things or watch your phone; because insecurity creates scenarios in your mind that aren't necessarily based on fact. Your mind gets busy and starts creating a series of "what if's!" What-if he's bored with me, what-if he doesn't really like me, what-if...what-if?!!

Give yourself a break. If you get tired of waiting for him to step-up to the plate, block him and move on.

You're getting anxious; because you want a guy to call your boyfriend...any guy! Maybe more than you really want to get to know him. He'll start to wonder if that's really all it means. Probably any guy will do, as long as he will be your boyfriend. It will wear-off as quickly as it starts, be that the case.

When you get over-anxious you will send a nervous blitz of text messages demanding he reassure you he likes you. If he has already told you he does, and messages rain-down on him; an inexperienced guy will back-off! That is because he's nervous and not sure what to say or do next. Try being patient.

If it takes two or three days to hear from him. Maybe he just wants to be friends, he's busy; or he's just not ready for anything serious. He is right about getting to know each other before establishing that you're in a relationship. You don't really know why you like him; or if you really do. Time will tell.

He has to stay focused on his studies, and romance is for his free-time. Then there's work. Same goes for you!

This doesn't make sense to someone your age; but easy does it! Relax! If he's just moving at a snail's pace; tell him you're not sure it will workout. Virgins are naturally cautious! Only because they have very little experience. Just like you told him you're not in a hurry for sex. Maybe his plan is to lose his virginity. So keep all these things in-mind!

Don't do anything sexual until you really feel you're ready. Don't feel pressured to prove anything; or use your innocence as a bargaining-chip to keep some player around.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (13 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntFrom what you have wrote it doesn’t sound like he is romantically interested but he might not want to say it so he still keeps in contact with you. I think you are doing the best thing by not contacting him and let him do the work. If you have only met for one date then it sounds like he either is keeping you on the back burner as a follow up or else he is not that interested in a relationship at the moment.

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A female reader, MajesticBlackBunny United States +, writes (12 January 2018):

MajesticBlackBunny is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No, I am absolutely not looking to make friends. He hasn't texted me today and I haven't texted him, I'm seeing if he'll eventually reach out or not so we shall see how this goes.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI'd pull back a little and give him the chance to initiate here.

You have suggested hanging out, you are the one reaching out. You have made it EASY for him to well, do nothing but reply.

So PULL back, see if he picks up the "slack".

If he doesn't I would PRESUME he isn't as interested as he claims.

And while I think it's good to TAKE your time, you aren't LOOKING to make a new friend, right?

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