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female
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my ex last December when I found out that he has a 1-month relationship w/ this other girl behind my back. During Oct-Dec our relationship was rocky, and then I found out he's been cheating on me for a month. They ended their affair a week after I found out. We're both 19, our 2-yr relationship was great except for that affair. I left even though I still love him mainly because I lost trust in him. Ever since the break-up he's been begging to come back with me. He told me he only cheated because Ive been nasty and neglecting him lately (w/c is true but still not a valid excuse). I am still hesitant because I am so afraid he might do it again, and the way cheated was so sneaky, I had no idea he was with another girl because when we're together he tells me "im the only one" when behind my back he's with her. I had no clues and no idea he was cheating till I found out and confirmed it. (he says he never loved the girl, he was just lonely, he loves me the whole time) I'm afraid that if I make the mistake of taking him for granted again, then he might cheat again.But we never lost contact of each other. Since January we've been working on a project together, and I spend time with him often. Whenever we're at his house, we end up having great sex together, like 3x a week. Its even more often now than when we were still together! Sometimes I initiate the sex and I like it now more than before (dunno why?)! But when he insists getting back together with me, I still say no, because of what he did and my fears. Those memories of him in bed with another girl behind my back makes me question his "love" for me. But, when I'm with him, when we laugh or have sex, my feelings go stronger again and I am falling for him again. He is persistent on starting all over again and claims "he will never cheat again, he loves me only". Even if I love him, I dont want to get back yet because I feel its too soon, I want him to realize his mistakes and suffer first. He told me he's changed and all but I'm not sure. Sometimes I think maybe I should forgive him already. My friends tell me not to get back w/him bcoz of what he's done, but Im really torn! Part of me thinks give him another chance, part of me thinks he betrayed me w/c is the worst thing he could've done. And the sex part is making things worst, it gives me emotional attachment but I'm still scared of another betrayal. What should I do? Pls help me Im losing my mind...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. The cheating ended 2 months ago but I still can't get over it. I really love my bf that's why it hurts this much. I still haven't decided on what I should do, I want to leave, but my heart just wont let me. We still see each other regularly, we're happy together, we have sex, but at the back of my mind I still have trust issues with him. I still don't know what I should do. I haven't moved on and it is depressing..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): Tough one..well being that you are so young ...odds are that this will not last very long regardless..If he cheated on you once ...he will most likely do it again in "due time"..trust me ..you may have heard it a million times..but it's true...You'll have that "in love" feeling once you initially get back to him...but unless you are both willing to put time and effort into it ..he will probably get bored again and stray..That's one thought..on the other hand...now that you have "trust issues" with this guy..you will most likely be questioning his fidelity to you everytime you get that "woman's instinct or gut feeling" that he's cheating or talking to other women..which will result in some kind of an argument...and honey..that's gonna be a lot of arguments..It's a vicious cycle..If you're a good person and a loyal girlfriend..do yourself a favor and find a guy who will appreciate those very things about you..It's hard to take that advice ...as it's tough to take my own at times..But take it from a 29 year old woman who has been burnt more than once..We love a challenge..we chase the bad boys...but once we've won them..we set ourselves up for heartbreak.These types of guys tend not to get serious until they are well into their 30's...Remember..women tend to age in dog years...so we are well more mature than men..Take this relationship for what it is...it's fun ...it's good sex...but PLEASE...Don't fall into the trap again.It's much easier for women to take ten steps back than it is to take ten steps forward...Keep trying to do whats best for you..and learn from your past mistakes.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 We are only human and we can make mistakes.It does not mean that once a thief , always a thief.People can change . We should give them another chance .Forgive him and let the past go.Live in the present and for the future. We cannot change the past. Whatever happened, it cannot be undone.
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