A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'd like some advice on a current situation I have here.My boyfriend is a Uber driver. He has two phones, a personal phone for his family and friends, and a work phone he uses for Uber. I'm the only one that has both phone numbers. When he's driving Uber, he only brings his Uber phone, and leaves the other personal phone at home. Which means, when he's driving Uber for 10+ hours, no one can reach him. If it's an emergency, they will contact me to get a hold of him. While Ubering, he would often call me if he's reallybtired and needs someone to accompany him or he dropped off someone hours away and it'll be a long drive home. Occassionally, I may also call his Uber phone, but not often.Recently we got into an argument and he changed his Uber phone number instantly.. I was shocked and asked him why. He said so I can't call him... but, I don't call often? I found it weird that a few days after the argument he still would not call me with his Uber phone, or give me that number. He only calls me using his personal phone before leaving the house to Uber. When I call his personal phone, it's take him 5-6 hours to return my call. I was getting frustrated with this, so tonight I told him that it can't stay one sided like this, where I can't contact him, and he contacts me at his convenience. A relationship has to be both ways. But he said he doesn't want me to have his new number... but he asked me if he called me using a blocked number, will I answer, because he still wants to call me when he needs company. I said NO, he can't be shady like that and it can't be one sided like that. We argued again, he said he was firm that he won't give me that number... and I stood firm that I'm not going to accept blocked number calls from him and I should be able to contact him anytime just as he contacts me anytime. We argued...I don't know why he suddenly changed his number and don't know why he is limiting my access to him. Is he developing another relationship and does not want to be disturbed when he's out with her? Or was I too blunt when I was speaking to him about this? Should I have used a softer tone so he would understand?Is what he's doing fair to me? Or am I over reacting and should be more understanding and just wait for his calls? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (21 July 2018):
 "WHY would he only be willing to give me his new Uber number only if I got him the Airpods?"
Because he is using you for a meal ticket and manipulating you into buying stuff for him?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 July 2018):
 I think there might be more to this story than you are telling us. It sounds like he had enough and he went back to keeping his number private. If he is not willing to share it with his family then there must be a reason, and well am guessing the reason is that it is his business phone for business calls only. If he doesn't want to give you his phone number then maybe ask him would he mind taking his personal phone with him and that you will not ring unless it is really important. At the end of the day you shouldn't be calling him anytime at work, so I don't understand why you do! He is working therefore you should call him when you know that he is not, on his personal phone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2018): I'd like to clarify that with Uber, he's not constantly driving someone. There are many instances where he's driving 15-20mins to go pick up his rider, or he dropped off a rider that lives over an hour away from home and he needs to make that trek home alone, or there are no riders and he's just cruising around waiting fot his next ride.. those are times when HE calls me. We never ever talk on the phone when he has a rider in the car. To be honest, there were times he'd call so often in between rides that I found it quite annoying as I had to put down what I was doing every 10-15mins to take his calls. I'm rarely the one to initiate a call to him when he's driving.Regarding calling me with a blocked number, there's two folds - #1. I don't take calls from blocked numbers or unknown numbers. #2. I'm NOT OK with my boyfriend calling me from a blocked number. WHY? Don't punish me, let's work it out or break up if he's so unhappy. No need to be hiding this and hiding that. Any why is it that only HE is able to contact me and I can't contact him? Not that I would contact him, it's just the principle.Now, here's an interesting development - Yesterday while he was still trying to pursuade me to take blocked number calls from him, he threw it out there that he would give me his new Uber number IF he gets Apple Airpods (value: $150 USD), BUT he doesn't have enough money for it now, so I will have to wait. I asked how long, and he said it could be months.. BUT if I want it sooner, I can buy those Apple Airpods for him....... I said OK fine. I went online and ordered it from Apple and told him it'll arrive next Tuesday. I gave him the option of going to pick it up at the store, but he said he was too busy and to have it delivered to his house. Later that evening, as I thought about how it all played iut, it just didn't set well with me. WHY would he only be willing to give me his new Uber number only if I got him the Airpods?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 July 2018):
Are you refusing to answer blocked number calls from your boyfriend because you don't answer them from ANYONE, or are you just doing it to prove a point and to try to punish him? If the former, then that is fair enough. If the latter, then you need to ask yourself what is more important to you: winning this argument and making a point, or your relationship.
I always find it amazing that people NEED to phone their partners while they are working (with the obvious exception of true emergencies, of course). When people are at work, they are paid to WORK, not to socialize.
I suspect this argument over phones is just the tip of an iceberg and there is a lot more going on. I mean, is there a reason why your boyfriend can't take his personal mobile to work with him and, say, keep it switched off in his glove compartment when not needed but use it to call you? Or will that not be acceptable to you either, because you feel you SHOULD have his work mobile number?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 July 2018):
 What is so important that you need to call him while he is at work? He is there to do a job not entertain you.
I seriously DOUBT there is ANYTHING (out of VERY rare emergencies that warrants you NEEDING to call him at work) And let's ADD to the fact that he is a DRIVER and should NOT be calling or texting while driving. He is responsible for making sure people get SAFELY from point A to point B.
He isn't CALLING you either "anytime" he wants. From what you write he calls when he is DONE with a LONG ASS 10 hour day and want to make sure he doesn't either fall asleep behind the wheel or perhaps get some personal time to talk to you before going home to bed.
I don't think this is unreasonable... BUT I don't think it's unreasonable that you so not WANT to answer calls from a blocked number. Or the idea that YOU should be available to him when ever HE needs/wants to talk to you but not vice verse.
I don't call my husband while he is at work. I have called him once for an emergency and actually had to call his boss because he wasn't answering his phone because it was in the car and not with him. But in general, there IS no need to talk to him while he is as work. And there are DEFINITELY times he can't get hold of me either. So he will leave a text and I'll answer it when I can. I do NOT carry my phone around with me as I go about my day.
My KIDS have "check in times" when they are not at home. Sleep overs, school events, at friends houses etc. And they stick to them.
So maybe you two need to have a "check in time" that works for the two of you. Instead of acting like a couple of petty 5 year old kids!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2018): Buy him a track phone that he can take with him to work and call him on that phone. Otherwise; if he's working and you have no particular emergency, let him work.
Most people don't have much to talk about after a big argument; and it's best to communicate face-to-face when you need to talk. If you have a habit of blowing-up his phone, and trying to argue while he's working; he doesn't need to talk to you while you're angry. His family will let you know if there is an emergency. If it's that much of an emergency; it's better to call 911, not him.
Don't make a big deal out of it. Not knowing what the argument was about, or if you have a history of harassing him on his work-phone; we can't really tell you if it's fair or not. You're being punished for bad behavior. Your phone privileges have been revoked until further notice.
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